Me! On The Broke-Ass Bride

I’m not doing a normal post here today, because I wrote a guest post for The Broke-Ass Bride that goes up today. I made a list of things I learned about money planning our wedding, and it includes some counter-intuitive gems like, “Sometimes pay full price. F*ck it,” and, “If you go over a bit on your wedding budget, the world will keep on spinning and wedding goblins will not come and eat you in your sleep. I promise.”

Also it contains one of the most awful/hilarious stories of me reading, uh, a wedding blog while wedding planning. A time I considered stabbing out my eyes. I’d like to say that I exaggerated the story, but sadly, I did not.

So go read please, and then leave me a comment over there. Team Practical… gooooooo…..

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  • I can't thank you enough for this one line:

    "Big-wedding-media can consume you with guilt about not spending enough. Indie-web-media can consume you with guilt that you are spending too much."

    I have been reading a lot of Indie wedding blogs (because the shiny princess dresses and lavish weddings are not for me) and find myself feeling so incredibly guilty for NOT Gocco-ing my own invitations or having a barn wedding somewhere in the middle of nowhere (which, by the way is STILL really expensive if you're in LA! cuz it's so trendy!). I don't relate to the over the top platinum weddings and while I find all the indie weddings to be beautiful and simple…that is not my fiance and my combined style. Thank you for addressing the fact that Indie wedding sites can make you feel just as inadequate as all the big shiny wedding magazines cuz it's something I've been wrestling with for months now!

  • I am so going to print that out and tack it to my wall. Because I'm one month out and our budget has been freaking my fiancee and me out more and more frequently, it feels like. And I totally second "T-Bone's" comment- I'm DIY (or DIT)ing a metric a**ton for this thing, but it still somehow never feels like enough after reading some blog about some fantastic DIY wedding on a budget 1/4 of my own. It's amazing how hard it is to plan a wedding guilt-free, and your post really felt like it gave me the permission I needed to just let it go and say eff it. So thank you!

  • cjb

    great post, meg, and ditto t-bone. last month my fiance and i had total meltdown over the budget issue – we were planning an indie, diy wedding and it was still over what we wanted to spend. how depressing that even if we worked like dogs and did everything ourselves, we would still be spending about 6 mortgage payments on 4 hours.

    so we decided to have a "wedding year." we're spreading out the joy (and expense) of our wedding. we're doing a tiny ceremony & dinner in november on the east coast, a party in january on the west coast (our families could not live further apart if they tried) and our honeymoon in october 2010. and like one of your recent wedding graduates, we've stopped counting money – we'll spend what we can when we have it.

  • Great guest post! I had a similar moment with a blog entry that described a $2,000 gown as a "cost-cutting bargain." Maybe for some couples, but not for us.

    And double WORD on the part about not obsessing over your budget. My husband tallied everything at the end and was bummed that we were a few hundred dollars over budget. He thought we'd been "so sensible" about everything and figured we must therefore be way under budget. I'm going to send that bit about not obsessing over the target number and being kind to yourself when you know you did your best.

  • Meg

    Ok, I was actually just thinking a few hours ago that one of the other things we all need to stop doing is comparing our wedding budgets to down payments. Because, whatever, they are different things.

    AND WE LIVE IN SAN FRANCISCO. When people say that sh*t about a down payment, I'm like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't spend 100 GRAND on my wedding, and that's a down payment here, so please shut the h*ll up!"

    Also. Look. To be frank, I really had a indie-web-media problem, because we spent a *lot* for the indie world. Which means on any regular wedding site they would file us under budget. It makes you feel f*cked both ways.

    So I feel y'all.


  • Brendarling

    Hi Meg, thank you for your insights on this matter – it is really helpful. I am following your blog for quite some time and find it very inspiring!
    Mr M and I decided to get married a few weeks ago and we are in the process of figuring out what we want to spend (respectively what it is going to cost us). Since we have to save up for the wedding anyway we would like to set an approximate number in advance. So, your post could not have come to a better time for me to keep the process sane ;-)

  • Great post!


  • Peonies and Polaroids

    You know, even if you already own a house and you're spending what most would agree is really very little on your wedding, there will STILL be people who believe the money would be better spent on something else. There will always be someone who thinks it's ok to say to you 'don't you think your wedding is a huge waste of money? Wouldn't you rather spend the money on a new central heating system?'

  • Anonymous

    Sadly, the average wedding really is a downpayment where I live.

    But I wouldn't be so rude as to tell someone else how to spend their money no matter what I thought.

  • April

    GREAT post Meg, and another one I'll be printing out so I can re-read it!

    And Ms. Peonies makes a most excellent point: that regardless of what a couple does, someone(s) will ALWAYS have their own personal opinion of how it could have been bigger / smaller / cheaper / more extravagant or even, "why do the white wedding at all? spend that $$ on something 'practical' "… yadda yadda yadda

    I'm also writing checks left, right and center (with 18 or so days till the wedding to go), and feeling slightly ill but also strangely relieved…

    Because in 18 or so days we will NOT be writing checks for wedding stuff ANY. MORE.

    We'll write check for normal shit.. like groceries… the light bill… ;)