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My Partner Hasn’t Proposed Yet And I Found The Ring(s)

And maybe I don't like them...

Q: I knew my boyfriend was planning to propose. I thought he was going to have a stone from my grandmother’s wedding band removed and re-set. The proposal was taking longer to arrive than I expected, so I snooped. I found the new setting he’d purchased, that currently does not have a stone in it. (It’s one I had seen online and mentioned to him as an example of the style I like) as well as the full ring set from my grandmother, with the stone still in it.

While I love the new setting he purchased, I’ve realized I also love and would be just as happy with my grandmother’s rings as is. I now kind of hate the idea of taking the center stone out of her gorgeous set. Plus, my boyfriend is having some financial troubles (which is why I think the proposal is still delayed, since getting the stone re-set could cost more than he has available right now) and it would almost certainly be cheaper to just re-size my grandmother’s rings and return the new setting, if possible. Plus, then we’d already have the wedding band, too!

I just don’t know how to communicate all of this to him, since:

  1. I know he wants the proposal to be a surprise.
  2. I deliberately snooped (not my finest moment).
  3. He’s a little sensitive about his financial situation.

I know whichever ring I end up with will be beautiful, so this is kind of a Champagne problem, but still. Suggestions?

—Snoopy McRingFinder

The APW staff is firmly split between, “Honesty is the best policy,” and “You did something you shouldn’t have done, now you can’t spill the beans without being an asshole.” So we’ll pass it to you to decide.

—APW Team

Would you tell your partner you found the engagement ring? Is it even possible to gently let someone down in this situation?

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