When Adam (my husband) proposed to me, my answer was, “Umm… oh… okay”. It was a Wednesday night, and we were playing Fallout. While I was yelling “GET THEM” at the TV, he got down on one knee and presented his grandmother’s ring to me. I was well aware this was not a picture perfect Instagram engagement moment, but I was pretty damn happy with it despite my stunned response. No hidden cameras, no surprise engagement party. Just us in our pajamas.
Obviously emotional moments were not our thing. They still are not.
Our Intention Was Simply Gratitude
Right away I got down to business planning a wedding. My day job as an Event Planner made creating our wedding incredibly easy. To me, the planning of this event was calculated, timed out, and organized. When I started I set an intention: gratitude. Not true love, not overwhelming emotion, and definitely not any of that “Instagram-worthy” crap blanketing the Internet. We did not want a “Pinterest wedding.” We did not want five hundred of our “closest acquaintances” or a thirty-person wedding party. I hated feeling pressure to have those perfect, candid wedding pictures. None of that was important to us. What was important to us was putting together a ceremony of two souls and two families coming together and a serious party for all of the people who made us who we have become.
And On That Day, We Laughed
We took all of our pictures before the ceremony. Our first look was not that quintessential emotional moment everyone seems to dream about. It was our moms trying to take pictures from the windows (annoying the photographer), Adam and I laughing hysterically before he even turned around, and it was pure excitement. When he finally saw me we LAUGHED. We fucking died laughing. This was what everyone was building up? I mean damn, he looked good, but I wasn’t going to cry, and neither was he. The best picture we have of this moment is me looking like a flamenco dancer (unsure why I did this). Honestly, it was anti-climatic compared to what the wedding columns and photography makes it out to be. AND I’M SO TOTALLY OKAY WITH THAT. It was a typical and perfect Adam and Kate moment.
Our ceremony was everything we wanted it to be. I took a shot of whiskey with my dad before walking down the aisle. Adam and I laughed (multiple times), and our pastor was lighthearted and nurturing. No one cried (except for our dads). It wasn’t emotional; it was exciting. It was a celebration. This was the beginning of two families joining together. Adam and I were together eight years before we got married, so this wasn’t like an earth shattering change in our personal relationship with each other. It was just us letting the government know, “Hey we’re going to hang around together forever, so FYI make sure our taxes are good.”
There were no pictures of us wiping tears or staring longingly into each other’s eyes. But there are multiple pictures of me hanging on to Adam’s arm for dear life and of us laughing at each other (can you sense a theme?). There’s even a picture of me turning back when I forgot to grab my bouquet on the way out and my mother yelled at me, “Kate Elizabeth, your flowers!”
And Then, The Internet
After the wedding, the Internet made me feel like a shitty wife when I read all these posts about how emotional other weddings were. Was I defective? Were we missing some emotional component? Why didn’t I feel like crying once? It took me a good long while to realize it didn’t matter. I shouldn’t feel guilty or judged just because I chose to laugh on my wedding day. That doesn’t make my love for my husband any less valid or genuine. It just means our love language is laughter.
No Tears… And Perfection
Weddings are not about getting that perfect Instagram or Facebook moment. They aren’t about if you had a buffet or a plated dinner or a donut wall or the perfect barn wedding or whatever. And they sure as hell are not about if you did everything traditionally or pulled the whole damn thing out of your ass and called it a wedding. This is not about anything or anyone else but the two of you. If you’re emotional and will definitely cry, GREAT! If you’re like me and laugh constantly at odd times, GREAT! Just make sure you both enjoy your wedding day no matter what.
And make sure you laugh. A lot.