Why Didn’t My MOH Invite Me To Her Wedding?

She insisted on being my MOH, too

Q:Dear APW,

My friend Cathy, whom I grew up with, insisted on being the maid of honor in my wedding without being asked. I went along with it, since I have very few lady friends. She took over the bridal room to get ready, and I bit my tongue. We have had periods of not speaking that last for a few years, then we get back to talking. She is getting married in a few months. She thinks she is the only person on earth to ever get married, and it’s all she talks about. She will literally harass me to Facetime or talk on the phone, and when I try to initiate a call with her, she texts me saying she is busy and can’t talk or gets smart.

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I have told her that its very hurtful that she won’t invite me to her wedding, and she said her mom doesn’t like my mom (my mom was sort of her boss and her mom was a bad employee). And she is always bragging about her best friend Kim being in her wedding, her best friend Julie, her best friend Erica, etc. I am hurt that my husband and I are not only being snubbed for an invite, but also at not being asked to be a bridesmaid. When I made a comment that was supposed to show her my hurt, she said, “Is that supposed to be some sort of dig at me for not inviting or asking you to be in my wedding?” What should I do?

—Jane Doe

A: Dear Jane Doe,

This email is just a list of terrible qualities about someone you don’t seem to like very much. Even if I assume you wrote this when you were angry and venting, I can’t wrap my mind around why you would want to go to this wedding at all.

If everything is as you describe, this friend isn’t worth any more of your time. It sounds like you’ve been honest with her about your hurt feelings, and it hasn’t changed anything. In the past when you haven’t been as forthright, it’s just festered and turned into resentment. Even if you’re just mad and listing all of the bad stuff, those right there are some major, core reasons not to be friends with someone.

Yeah, it’s really hurtful that she didn’t invite you. But hurt seems to be a theme of this relationship. Drop her, and be grateful you didn’t waste any money on a wedding gift.

—Liz Moorhead

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