Not Loving Your Wedding

I just got this thought provoking email, and I wanted to throw it out to you all to discuss. Because I know for a FACT there are some of you that didn’t adore your wedding (I get a lot of emails), and worse, I know you are eating yourself up with guilt about it. Unnecessary guilt, in my opinion. So lets chat.

Isn’t there anyone else who didn’t love their wedding?

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m uber happy that we are married. I couldn’t ask for a better partner in my life, and I am so glad we made this commitment. But the wedding? Eh, it was a fun party. I would have been happier if it were just the two of us on a tropical beach with a justice of the peace. We could have thrown a hell of a party when we got home without all the stress. And it would have been cheaper too.

The thing is, I feel like it is shameful to feel that way. I feel like I cannot tell anyone, and that there is no way anyone else would understand. Because there is such a huge community of people who love weddings and loved their wedding, but no-one who says out loud, like I wish I could with out people looking at me like I am a monster, “The wedding was pretty fun. I’m glad it’s over and we can get on with the business of being married.”

Let me just put a few things out there: Personally, I’m mixed. I did love our wedding, and rather shockingly, it did change my life. But, the bottom line is, I like being married a lot more (and that is excellent news). Finally, planning our wedding was stressful, and expensive. In the end I think we lucked out, and came out as winners in that ratio of stress to joy, but it was close.

Secondly, I think there is a huge amount of pressure as women to feel the right thing, and to SAY that we’re feeling the right thing. Like parenting. We all know all the things were supposed to say, and we know what happens when you don’t say them. And it’s not pretty. I feel the pressure. I say things about marriage, pretty publicly, that are off script. And I get some horrible horrible emails and comments. Comments that make me burst into tears in the middle of a restaurant horrible. That’s the price you pay when you say the off-script stuff. But the truth is freeing.

So go for it ladies. Anyone willing to admit that their were things about their wedding that they didn’t like? That if they did it over, they’d go to the courthouse? Go for it. The comments are yours, you brave awesome ladies, take it away.

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