On DIY Opression

Did you guys see that Jessica Valenti of Feministing was the subject of ‘Questions’ in the New York Times Magazine yesterday? She wasssss, and it might or might not be on our fridge now. And we’re just going to ignore the stupidity of the title of the article: Fourth-Wave Feminism. But. Anyway. I needed to quote her here, for all of you who are feeling oppressed by the DIY aspect of non-mainstream weddings, and lets face it, *any* kind of wife-dom:

I’m not a D.I.Y. feminist. I once tried knitting a scarf but threw it away after 15 minutes.

Right? So stop making yourself feel bad about all the DIY you’re not doing, and have a cocktail while you read the interview, and make yourself wiser. Done.

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  • Love feministing, love Jessica Valenti, and love this interview. My (minimal) DIY will look DIY, and I'm not going to give a d*mn about Martha Stewart-worthy detail photographs, thankyouverymuch.

  • oh, amen! i am so not DIY… i would rather just pay someone to make it look good. heaven knows if i tried to make something look good it would look like a 3 year old did it.

  • I love how you make me feel better for not gocco-ing my own coasters and hand knitting pashminas for all my bridesmaids….that is why i come here…for the "do what makes you happy" affirmations.

    We're in the middle of DIY save the dates and I'm realizing that while our quality is actually better than what we could afford to pay for….it's looking like we've made the whole process really time consuming, slightly stressful and more expensive than it should have been….but that said…our save the dates are bad ass and the DIY-yness of them feels very "us"….

  • amen!

  • Aw, thanks for linking to the article and I'm glad you liked the quote! And though it's off-topic, I have to say that this blog was my saving grace when I was planning my wedding this year – so thank you for the amazing blogging!

  • LPC

    Amen and hallelujah. Liberate us from the tyranny of wallpapering refrigerators. The oppression of the crochet hook. I mean it. Unless, of course, we like to do that kind of thing.

  • Meg

    Awwwwwww…. And there I was reading your vows article, la-la-la, not realizing.

    I just snarfed water through my nose. Wallpapering refrigerators? See, I am always tremendously proud of my DIY skills when I say, paint my bathroom, and don't get bored in the middle and stop.

  • I'm taking the advice of not DIYing too much at our wedding, and I'm okay with that.

    The Sapphic husband has almost convinced me that I don't want to bake 300 cupcakes the day before we get married.

  • This is reason 328 why I love A Practical Wedding.
    And Valenti.
    And the fact that I just officially decided my DIY will only include stuff I want to do, and feel capable at.

  • LOVE the quote! I need to remind myself of the multiple knit items that have been thrown away because I got too bored to bother, whenever I get the bizarre urge to knit something. Or the fact that I only bought a sewing machine because I had to sew myself a bellydance costume (that was a nightmare!) The only DIY items at my wedding will be the things I'm good at (Food!) or am just not willing to pay someone to do (flowers, DJ) None of that other stuff is me anyway–I'd rather be riding my bike down a mountain, covered in dirt and anyone who knows me, knows that!

  • I love that quote so much. I am utterly incompetent when it comes to DIY things — my fiancĂŠ and I like to joke that, between the two of us, we can barely put together IKEA furniture. So, we are trying to put together the least stress-inducing wedding possible, which is not an easy task. This blog, however, is a wonderful resource for that.

  • I am so glad I'm not the only one who has had enough of the knitting. I don't know when I started feeling feminist pressure to knit, but I just can't sit still that long.

  • Sarah

    my mom keeps trying to make me nuts with all these crazy favors, like spray painting mini metal lanterns light blue to match my decor, or buying a bunch of cool copper pots to plant 125 plants in – seriously??? i just keep telling her no, because honestly i have enough on my plate – grad school, work, wedding planning, and not destroying my relationship in the meantime – that i don't need to throw some crazy madness into the mix! not to mention that, for all her good intentions, she's kind of all over the place. i've been trying to get her to make fabric flower hairpieces for me for about 4 months now, and do you think that has happened yet? only 4 more months before i throw in the towel and pay someone on etsy to do it for me ;)

  • This post made my day, I read Feministing and APW daily. Thank you sane brides everywhere.

    Also, let me recommend Valenti's book – The Purity Myth – it is fantastic.