On Paying Attention

So as we approach the one month point before our wedding (Thursday!) I’m going to be blogging a bit more slowly. It’s not so much that we have piles left to do (we really don’t) but it’s that I want time to pay attention.

It’s been really interesting to hear from you guys if you felt a shift in your relationship after getting married, some of you have said emphatically no, some of you have said emphatically yes. I think for us, there will be a change. Our day to day life will obviously stay mostly the same, but here at the one month mark I can feel our relationship changing a little bit at a time, and I want to make sure I’m present for that… just like I want to make sure I’m present for the wedding. So I’ll be here on the blog, but maybe three times a week, and maybe not every morning… my posts might be a bit more scattered and surprising. But, hopefully you will stick with me for the ride.

In the meantime, I have to say just how much I’m being inspired by all the past wedding graduates as they grow into their new marriages. There is the adorably pregnant Cate Subrosa wrote about marriage (and you must go read the whole thing): Our dear friend Frog stood up at our wedding and confidently proclaimed, “marriage makes you free.” And I have no idea how he knew it, but he was right. For me, anyway, marriage makes me feel free.

And then there is Down To My Soul who’s gone from making her wedding dress to making a baby (and being the cutest pregnant woman in all the land)

And East Side Bride negotiating what a partnership means, how sometimes we bring in money and sometimes we allow our creative sides to be supported.

And, and, and… I could go on all day.

But finally, there is Kristina of Lovely Morning who not only helped launch the fantastic 100 Layer Cake after her wedding, but is filling our heads with inspiring visions of what a marriage can be: growing vegetable gardens and having wayward chickens in the kitchen.And frankly, I feel this change coming over us, and I can’t wait to watch it grow. I hope our wedding is a really fun party, but what I’m really looking forward to is marriage.

So hang in there with me while we work on growing ours.

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  • While I'll miss the frequent posts, I absolutely understand. Cherish this time with David; you two are so incredibly blessed!

  • yes! Perfect! We're 27 days out from our wedding and I couldn't have said it better… enjoy the last month+, I know I'll be trying to too!!

  • We have been talking a lot, too, about what we think will, and will not change. It feels crazy when we look at each other lately–I kind of can't believe that we're doing this. We have loved each other for such a long time, but to say "we're in this forever" seems so nuts and overwhelming and kind of amazing in a "how did my life get here? When did this happen?" kind of way.

    I hope these few weeks of increased reflection are good to you, Meg.

  • Anonymous

    Enjoy the last few weeks of everything! It all went by so fast and yet it was all so wonderful. Best wishes!


  • Hear hear! Your blog has been an inspiration to me, and as we've surpassed out one-month mark, I'm finding myself being more and more present in our relationship. I'm trying to fill my blog with wedding details in this last month, though.

  • Yay Meg! So well said, as always. My 2 cents: as important and overwhelming as the whole engagement/wedding thing was for us, beginning a marriage has been infinitely more fun and momentous. On paper, I'm an emphatic "no," our life hasn't changed after the wedding… but it really has in intangible ways, and it's better every day. Big hugs and enjoy the rest of the ride!

  • Catherine

    Very best wishes for the home stretch. The way you have managed to stay so present and honest through this process is admirable and inspiring.

  • I'm a believer that marriage changes your relationship whether you realize it or not. After we got married, I thought nothing would change since we were already living together, but I felt like the world shifted. We could no longer just think for ourselves, but we had to think about the other person, whether it's about feelings, money, family, or anything. It's knowing you're both in this together forever. Good luck with the rest of your planning!

  • Enjoy it all. (And, yeah, all my relationships, with everyone, are always changing. It's good to be mindful of the different shapes they take.)

  • Enjoy this last month.

    I would have said nothing has changed, but yes, something has, even if I can't pinpoint it. Maybe I will in some time..

  • Cate Subrosa

    I can't wait to hear how you feel marriage changes your relationship. I love that you're doing this – priorities all right. Enjoy it.

  • We will all be hanging in there with you and even tagging along for the ride, I am absolutely certain of it.

  • we'll miss your frequent posts…but we'll understand for sure.

  • Anonymous

    I totally agree with you on this- there is a huge emotional side of this that is largely left out of the way our culture currently does weddings. After nearly going crazy trying to plan a "mainstream" wedding and then putting it off until next year and changing our plans to an intimate backyard wedding that fits our personalities and style, I was blessed to find the book "The Conscious Bride" by Sheryl Paul. It talks about the emotional work of getting married, leaving some of your independence and family behind and starting a new chapter of your life. It's a GREAT book, and I highly recommend it.

  • <3

  • love it. ours is 12 days away and this is exactly what I wanted to read today. Thank you.

  • sam

    I have been reflecting lately on how our relationship has shifted even over the past year. On the exterior everything's the same but there's been a subtle shift between the two of us. Almost like we're more secure with each other. I'm curious how marriage will/will not cause another subtle shift, and definitely want to be aware as it happens. Keep us posted! (Even if not as often :)

  • Meg, take your time. Relish every moment. The days leading up to the wedding are fraught with mixed emotions – a longing for time to simultaneously speed up and hold still forever. Breathe it in, and let it wash over you.

    I'm so excited for you! *hugs*

  • awww, MEG!!

    you are so nice. happy last month pre-wedding. How nice to reflect going in, as opposed to frantically finishing projects, starting new ones, crossing things off the list.

    seems so far away now, I have to tell you.

    Now we are wrangling tomato plants and planning for other things to come. Like 1st anniversary trip?

    Not to take away from the wedding, because that was amazing.

  • downtomysoul

    Eeep! A month?!
    Take the time and cherish it.
    I didn't think marriage would change our relationship AT ALL, but it has in subtle ways and all of them good.
    Can't wait to see your dress!

  • Marisa-Andrea

    Why oh why am I commenting on your posts this late?? Sigh.

    Marriage is amazing. I was super excited about the ceremony but I was even more estatic about the marriage. Thus far, it has been more than I could have ever imagined.

    Best wishes!

  • Neat. My sweetie & I felt closer & more connected after getting engaged.
    Someone commented that "that was supposed to happen after marriage", and I said something like, "well, after dating eight years, an engagement is as good as a marriage!"
    Heh. :D