What Means Good Sex To You?

The APW staff was worried it would be in poor taste to have an open thread about good sex during Pride Week, because they’ve put a tremendous amount of thought into how to craft a week that’s focused on queer marriages and weddings and relationships. I love them for this thoughtfulness, but when they debated whether this might hijack the week’s larger priorities, I believe I said, “Sex! Good! Lez talk about it!”

Indeed, I was excited that we were going to have this discussion during Pride Week in particular. Because the sex we’re having, or want to have, is not so different. Sure, mine comes with different bodies and maybe different toys (and oh, you should really give them a try). But I believe the essence of good sex—of connecting with someone else and figuring out what makes you feel good—comes from the praxis of experimentation, exploration, and play. And we all have something to say about that, whether you’re having solo sex, monogamous partner sex, or “being cordial” with the queers of Brooklyn, which is what my BFF called my super-single days.

Another friend says sex is made up of equal parts chemistry, communication, and skill. My girlfriend’s beloved Dan Savage says much the same thing, that you have to be “good, giving, and game.” If you come to the table (or the bed, or the shower!) in the giving and game mindset, the skill, and the good, is going to come. Heh, I said come!

So that’s where this conversation begins. You guys devour open threads like queers to a Thanksgiving tofurkey. Tell the rest of us what works! What means good sex to you? What have you figured out through trial and error? And what have you always been interested in? If you say it, I’m ninety-nine percent sure another reader is going to lend you their experience and give you the last bit of oomph you need to be game to try it.  And if you’ve done it, tell the rest of us about it, so we can report back on how it goes. In the immortal words of one of my feminist icons (Betty Dodson), “Rock and roll, girlfriend. Rock and roll.”

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Photo: Jesse Holland

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