How is your relationship now? Like… for real. (And when was the last time someone asked you about it?)
I know, I know. We’re a wedding site. And we’re supposed to stick to our beat of publishing upbeat wedding stories of people defying the odds and committing to love even in a pandemic. But we’ve always been more than that. We’ve always been a place where you can discuss the real stuff in relationships—good and bad. And let’s be real: relationships are tough right now.
I am pretty sure that when we decided to commit to “For better and for worse,” most of us did not expect that to include ALMOST A YEAR NOW, OMG of being trapped at home with your partner. I mean, our grandparents weathered some truly awful stuff (the Great Depression, Wars, etc.) but in most cases they could leave the house and get away from each other just for a SECOND, wouldn’t that be nice? And yet here we are, nine months later, still stuck with the same faces, in our face, every hour of the day.
How am I doing in my relationship? We’re ok, and I’m grateful. I mean, I miss date nights and lower stress everything, but I feel pretty profound gratitude that we’ve had so many good days. Before we started dating we ran a theatre company together, so our relationship basis is project management, and we’ve had plenty of projects to manage. This year hasn’t been easy for us, at all. First up, I was trying to save a business. But second, our oldest child has been dealing with pretty horrible mental health issues due to extended quarantine. This is apparently shockingly common among kids right now, but that hasn’t made his various hospitalizations during a pandemic any easier. (He’s doing much better now thanks to a lot of medication management and emotional support, but it’s been a truly difficult road.) But still, somehow, that baseline ease David and I have with each other has come to the surface. (He does say he wants to run away from all of us as fast as he can for just a LITTLE WHILE when this is all over though.)
But so many of my friends and loved ones relationships are in far worse shape. And that’s says absolutely nothing about them. They are all amazing human beings. But life comes at you fast, and you get the cards you get. and I’m going to be honest. We haven’t had friends get divorced or had any major break ups in years. But also, we haven’t been living in a pandemic. Soon I’ll be able to fill up one hand with friends who have split over the last year. In so many cases I’m honestly happy for them. What they’re going through is hard, and emotional support for friends getting a divorce is no small thing. But letting something go is so much better than holding on tight when you know you can’t fix it. And let’s be honest: being stuck in something that isn’t working when you have to stare them in the face 24/7 for nine months under stress is hell. Getting released from that is big.
But what I’ve noticed more than anything is that as adults, we don’t give ourselves the same space to talk about our relationships, the way we did in our younger years. So many of us are holding on to everything: from minor complaints to major traumas. And we’re carrying around that load every damn day, until we can’t anymore. And even though we’re not 16 anymore, we still need our friends (and other humans) just as much. So I wanted to give folks a place to break the silence (and do so anonymously if they want), and talk about whatever relationship stuff they need a listening ear on. WITH NO JUDGEMENTS.
What’s going on in your relationship that you need to talk about? What have you been hanging on to and need to put down for a second? And, finally, if nobody has asked you in awhile: HOW ARE YOU?
And a reminder: you’re doing a damn good job.
Feel free to comment anonymously or not. (And yes, you can totally complain about someone while still loving them a lot.)
