How Did You Feel When the Wedding Was Over?


Post-wedding depression is real

by Maddie Eisenhart, Chief Revenue Officer

A man wearing a blue suit and red glasses holds a woman, her face looking away from the viewer.

When Michael and I got married, I was frequently warned about the inevitable post-wedding depression that would settle in once the festivities were over. I was told that after all the “fun” of planning an event for a year (or however long), suddenly having nothing to do with our spare time would make our lives seems sad. Ha, as if. I hated wedding planning, so I (wrongly) assumed that I would be spared the inevitable let down.

What actually happened was that the wedding was a shiny beacon of awesomeness. The morning after, I sat on the beach drinking mimosas from Solo cups with a handful of my closest friends, thinking, “This is exactly where I’m meant to be right now, with exactly these people.” Then I went back to work on Tuesday. (If you learn anything from me, let it be not to go back to work on Tuesday. Take a break or honeymoon or mini moon of some sort.) And that shiny beacon of awesomeness only served to demonstrate how unhappy I was with my day-to-day life. The next few months I slogged about in a hazy depression as I tried to figure out how to make my life feel more like that wonderful moment. I found a new job and dropped toxic friendships, but for a while there it was rough. Guess the joke was on me.

While I’m sure there’s something to be gleaned from my experience (cough, take a honeymoon, cough), it’s nearly impossible to know how you’re going to feel after the wedding. But it can be really isolating when you’re the only one feeling it (“it” being joy or ambiguity or exhaustion or anything else). So today we thought we’d check in with the newlyweds in the crowd to see how you’re doing. And just to prove that there is a huge diversity of post-wedding emotions (and no one is alone, because no matter what they’re feeling, someone else out there is taking it the same way), we thought we’d start by sharing a few of our staff’s post-wedding reactions:

I have, here and there, mentioned that I ended up curled up in bed in London, several days after our wedding, jet lagged out of my mind, sobbing, “Every day the wedding is getting farther away, and I need to remember what it felt like forever.” I think of that moment sometimes with a pang, because jet-lagged self was dramatic, but jet-lagged self wasn’t wrong. While I take the most important parts of our wedding with me every day, I do wish I could remember just exactly how it felt with the precise clarity and ease that I could on that (tearful) afternoon.

But in general, the weeks and months after our wedding were among the happiest in our lives. My work situation was terrible, but even with that, I felt like I was flying from pure happiness. Five years into our relationship, our wedding gave us a foundation to build an intentional life together, and we thrived as we got our start doing that. As much as the narrative is that after you’re married you sink into a post-wedding depression (and I did have a few teary moments), I was mostly so glad to be done planning the thing, and so happy to be married, that I positively glowed.

Meg, Editor-in-Chief

I think my post-wedding reactions can be divided into two camps: the day after, and every day since. The day after we were both SO TIRED and riding this emotional roller coaster. We were trying to do the errands that we needed to do before we left for our honeymoon, and I was so exhausted I kept forgetting where I was driving to. Julie kept repeating, “I can’t believe it’s over. We never get to do that again.” We both went to bed melancholy.

Monday morning however… once we were rested, all smiles! We spent our honeymoon making dinner reservations with our new last name and reminiscing. And when we got back and restarted our real lives, every little chore and errand had this extra layer of joy. It was such a pleasure to grocery shop, and make dinner, and even do the dishes, because I did not have to spend any more time thinking about and planning a wedding in addition to daily chores! I could focus again on everything that was important to me that got pushed into the background by the wedding.

Kelsey, 2014 Writing Intern

 

Our engagement was short, but not that short. Definitely still long enough that instead of planning we were Planning. Like, capital P planning. It became our second job. Well, it became Kate’s second job. Which means it was also my second job.

So when the wedding was over, and all the glasses and plates packed, and our guests on their way home, and the leftover desserts, decorations, and chuppah tucked away safely in the car, I remember looking around as we locked up and feeling equal parts relieved and proud. I was relieved that months of hard work and Planning with a capital P culminated in an amazing wedding. It surpassed our expectations. This thing we set out to tackle together, and mostly on our own, was now done, and we had wonderful memories and pictures and videos to remind us of our perfect day. And I couldn’t be more proud of how great it turned out.

Karyne, News Editor at Scribd (and APW marketing manager Kate’s wife)

Let’s talk, newlyweds. How are you feeling after your wedding? 

This post originally Ran on APW in a slightly different format in October 2014.

Maddie Eisenhart

Maddie is APW’s Chief Revenue Officer. She’s been writing stories about boys, crushes, and relationships since she was old enough to form shapes into words, but received her formal training (and a BS) from NYU in Entertainment and Mass Media in 2008. She now spends a significant amount of time thinking about trends on the internet and whether flower crowns will be out next year. A Maine native, she currently lives on a pony farm in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband Michael, their son Lincoln, and an obnoxious mastiff named Gaia. Current hair color: Natural (gasp!)

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  • Eh

    I was relieved that my wedding was over. There was so much drama with my inlaws. We needed a break from them. We got married in October and then we went on our honeymoon. We kept our distance from my inlaws for November and then got back into the swing of things just in time for the holidays/busy birthday month.

    We also bought a house right after we were married so that gave me things to do. And my sister got married less than a year after us so that kept me busy. Then just after her wedding I got pregnant.

    • sofar

      I was also in the “relieved” camp. My post-wedding glow was even greater than my wedding-day glow. I was all smiles, with “It’s over it’s over it’s overrrrrrrrr” on loop in my brain.

      On our first day back to reality, I turned to my husband and said, “You realize we don’t have to plan wedding stuff. We can read. We can watch TV. We can do anything. We can do NOTHING. We can plan a vacation. We can just go to sleep!”

      • topscallop

        I’m looking forward to feeling this! Our post-wedding glow was amazing but quickly phased into honeymoon-planning stress. We leave in 3 weeks and still have a bunch of planning to do!

      • e.e.hersh

        Yes – same here. The month after our wedding was one of the best times of my whole life. We were DONE and we kept saying to each other “omg it’s OVER!!”. And then we got to bask in the glow of enjoying our lives and house together. Bliss.

    • Jan

      We just started the process of looking for a house to buy, and somehow that seems WAY less terrifying than it did before our wedding. I’m like, “Yeah, totally, we can do this.”

      • Eh

        The offer we put on our house was accepted exactly a month after our wedding. It was a bit crazy but compared to planning a wedding it was a piece of cake.

  • rebecca

    I totally had the opposite experience. Wedding planning was this terrible thing that was weighing down my otherwise pretty awesome life. I’m so glad I didn’t go on my honeymoon right afterwards. The actual day of my wedding was really traumatic and I needed work as a distraction. The wedding was really something we did for other people, but the honeymoon is something I’m really looking forward to and I would’ve been so mad at myself if I’d ruined it crying over how people behaved at our wedding. The day immediately after our wedding was just shock, disbelief and misery but after that, we got therapy, reevaluated some of our relationships, went back to our awesome jobs and got an awesome dog. We also lost about 10 lbs each because the stress from the wedding had led to too much beer and take out. We got our pictures back and I’m very happy that they’re beautiful, but I don’t like looking at them and haven’t posted them to social media bc I don’t like remembering how I felt that day. That’s a bummer, but it’s not the end of the world.

  • Katharine Parker

    I loved my wedding, and I miss a little bit having it as something to look forward to, and I wish I got to have a giant party with everyone I love more often, but I don’t miss the planning of it or the stress of that to-do list or the anxiety over everything turning out well.

    Taking a honeymoon right after getting married (wedding was Saturday, we had a farewell brunch, then left for the airport that afternoon) was the best decision for avoiding any post-wedding blues. Spending two weeks with my husband, enjoying each other’s company with no responsibilities beyond making dinner reservations, was incredible. Two weeks also was long enough that we could decompress from the wedding emotions and still have time for being on vacation.

    • Zoya

      For those who aren’t going directly on their honeymoon, I am all about the post-wedding staycation. We’d each taken a week off work after the wedding, intending to go somewhere local and then have a big honeymoon later. Instead, we ended up staying home all week, sleeping in and drinking tea and catching up on chores/general adulting stuff. It was AWESOME. Highly recommend.

  • Zoya

    Count me among the folks who is RELIEVED to be done. I loved our wedding, and still get the warm fuzzies thinking about it. But I expected a huge letdown, and all I’ve felt is more air in my lungs.

    The year leading up to our wedding was stressful as hell–we bought a condo, the 2016 election happened, my husband’s job got more demanding, I got sick, and his mom died. The wedding planning was just another thing demanding time and energy that we really didn’t have to spare. Having one fewer thing off our plates has felt like a giant luxury!

    Back when we first started wedding planning, and semi-unexpectedly bought our condo at the same time, everyone warned us it would be really challenging to juggle the two. We were both pretty freaked out. Now we’ll occasionally be like, “Hey, remember when we thought that was all we’d have to deal with?”

    • Jan

      Yeah, agreed on the staycation thing. We didn’t do a full week but since we got married over Labor Day we decided just to tack on one extra two days off work to be at home. Just having some time to be in sweat pants all day and clean the house was really helpful. And sleep. So much sleep.

    • Eenie

      We didn’t quite do a staycation, but we planned a drivable trip and left for the drive way later than we expected to. We went home and decompressed and didn’t rush. I would have hated having a flight to catch – I really recommend the flexibility of leaving when you’re ready since it is different for everyone.

      +1 to the camp of feeling relieved to not be wedding planning anymore while still enjoying the actual day and having happy memories from it.

    • LAinTexas

      Thanks for sharing the staycation idea! I’d love to (someday – pre-engaged, here) maybe do an Alaskan cruise or generally visit the PNW or something like that. But, we have a dog and a cat, and we never board them – we always hire a friend to stay at our house while we’re gone and take care of them. (Dog has been in a shelter twice before we adopted her, and cat has never been boarded, so we think it would likely be varying levels of traumatic for both of them.) Anyway, this staycation idea is really great – and would save us money in terms of paying for a pet sitter! :) We’ve been living in our current city for over three years, but I know there’s still plenty to do in the area that we’ve never explored/done. Plus, being lazy and sleeping in and not rushing off to a flight and not dealing with travel stress = all winning.

  • RNLindsay

    I didn’t experience any let down or depression right after the wedding – which I was surprised about! I’m definitely someone who sets their expectations high and gets upset when they’re never met. We left for our honeymoon at 8am the day after (took a lot of logistical juggling but worked out well!) The one thing I was depressed about was our pictures. The ones we have are beautiful, but there are just a lot of missing types of pictures that I was really upset about. I got into a real funk because “we can never recreate it and get those memories back!!” I was able to mostly move on, but 3 years later I still wish we chose a different photographer.

    • Kaitlyn

      Could I ask what kind of photos you were missing out on?

      • RNLindsay

        Walking down the aisle pics!! I’m very close with my dad and there were only a couple and one he had his eyes closed in, and then also husband and I walking back down the aisle. There’s just a real lack of them, and the few that do exist aren’t good. I did email the photographer about it and he blamed the lighting in the church but I don’t buy it. It’s like, what else was he doing? I’d still prefer a bunch of snaps of those moments, even with bad lighting.
        There’s also a lack of sweet, posed, just the 2 of us pictures. Our photographer was an older man and I don’t think he gets the current photo trends. There’s a few terrible prom-pose style ones. Some things are my fault (being stressed about getting back to cocktail hour – definitely wish I had calmed down and allowed for more time with just the 2 of us). He did get a few good candids of us at the reception and they’re my favorites, so I choose to have those on the walls and try to be thankful for what I do have.

        • Kaitlyn

          Oh no! Those seem like the obvious ones to get. At least you do have some favorites!

        • Jess

          TBH our wedding didn’t really have many good walking down the aisle pics either. I was kind of sad about it, but I recognize that our layout would have made it really hard and the lighting actually wasn’t that great for them. We have good leaving pics, though?

    • Becca

      I totally know what you mean about the pictures! Our photographer did a great job and I really can’t complain about what we have, but there are some photos I wish I had told him to take. For instance, my dress had an AMAZING train, and it’s not really featured in any photos. As silly as it sounds, I was definitely a bit disappointed about that. And sometimes I see pictures from other weddings and think “Damn, why didn’t I think of that?” Haha.

      Also, our walking down the aisle pics aren’t great either. We had to change ceremony locations last-minute because of potential rain, and the ceremony area ended up being kind of cramped and not great for photos. To be honest the ceremony pics are my least favorite of what we got back.

      • RNLindsay

        Haha yes, I get the same reaction when I see other people’s wedding photos! And don’t feel silly – some solidarity from me at least!

  • Jan

    Wedding planning was not really my thing, so I was very relieved to have it all over. I also didn’t really have any illusion that it would be The Very Best Day Of My Life, which helped stave off the day-after “what if we’d done this” thoughts, or general regret about it not being a perfect day. (For the record, I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with wanting it to be a perfect/best day, I just… didn’t feel that way).

    We did not take a honeymoon, and I don’t regret that (though we will likely travel somewhere next year). I was ECSTATIC to finally be able to throw myself more into my work, and just get back to normal life. I’m a big routines person, so just getting back to my normal schedule helps me rebalance myself. It’s been six weeks and I’m still feeling content and happy.

  • Christy

    Relieved! I had about a week off at home with my wife, then I had a five day work trip where I got to hang out with my (all-remote) coworkers. Then I went to France with my friend for a week. I don’t recommend traveling sans-spouse after the wedding–you just end up missing them. Overall it was great to have a full month without regular work to do.

    Our wedding planning wasn’t even that stressful. It was just a lot of anticipation for a long time. (I obsessively listened to Company for months before the wedding. Bless my wife for putting up with it.)

  • anontoday

    Wedding was almost two months ago; I am depressed AF, and so is my husband. It feels like everything we neglected while frantically trying to make the wedding happen is now overwhelming us both; everything that changed in our lives during our engagement suddenly has to be processed; there’s no big event standing there as a goalpost to look forward to and to distract from the hard stuff. Yes, we’re relieved not to have it hanging over us any more, and yes, we’re thrilled to be married and talk about it with joy pretty much every day, but also pretty much everything in the background of life feels awful. When will I get to see all the people I love again? or celebrate? ugh.

    • mjh

      Sorry you guys are in that slump. I know the feeling of having things pile up to the point where you don’t feel like you can celebrate the good things and process. Hopefully things get chipped off of your plate one by one and you get to get back into enjoying the rest of life instead of just slogging through a backlog.

    • Zoya

      Ugh, that’s so hard. Internet hugs, if you want them.

  • mjh

    We’d planned to take a minimoon and we were both REALLY looking forward to it, but it got hijacked by life, canceled and replaced by its opposite, a family crisis (my very close sibling had a sudden cancer scare with urgent surgery). I am so, above and beyond thankful that surgery was a success and it turned out not to be cancer, but it was a hell of a roller coaster ride because aside from all the expected awfulness of the situation, the sibling in question has past toxic and abusive habits from many years before which had worked on and managed, but being in this scary as fuck situation triggered a [thankfully partial] reversion that surprised all of us, him included. I struggle to talk about this outside of people who know us really well, because I feel that it’s hard to convey the situation, but the gist is that I understood that this was terrifying and I’m glad to have been there and able to support him through it, but I really wish his reverted coping mechanism for a terrifying situation didn’t involve treating me horribly/unacceptably. It was rough.

    The blessing of the situation, though, was that because this happened at the time of my wedding, my very emotionally close but living very far apart at the time immediate family were all gathered together and we could support him and each other. If it hadn’t been during my wedding, my brother would have been thousands of miles away from the nearest relative and I can’t imagine how much harder on him it would’ve been.

    While I think the couple days we planned to take away from everyone else to bask in post wedding glow were far less important than the things we had going on at the time and I’m very glad to have been able to be at the hospital, I slightly mourn the irreplaceable nature of the minimoon we didn’t take. Of course we can do the wonderful things we planned to do another time, but there’s no replacing the wedding glow to bask in. That particular time will never be available again. Just mentioning it as something to explore for APWers who haven’t had their weddings yet and are considering whether or not to take a little time to themselves after their weddings.

  • Lindsey

    We’re still processing the wedding….from March. Everyone tells us how wonderful it was and how they had such a wonderful time, but all we can really remember was that my grandma was in the hospital after having had a stroke, in a different city than we were getting married in, in a foreign country (she traveled there for the wedding and got sick on day 2), and zero of my husband’s 9 or 10 “close” friends came to the wedding, which was devastating for him. We only expected a few to come, since the wedding was international, but zero came, even after a year notice. A few of them had extremely good reasons for not coming, but the rest just didn’t come and never really gave a reason why, they just ghosted and refused to respond to our questions of whether they were coming, months after the RSVP deadline. It also was frustrating since many of the people that did not come went on other international trips that year. I understand if you want to go somewhere else or already have plans, but be an adult and communicate that, instead of ghosting. We are still kind of rebuilding these relationships.

    So, my family was extremely worried about my grandma the whole time, I felt like I hardly saw my parents because they were the only fluent speakers and had to be at the hospital the whole time, and my husband and I ended up taking his parents on a five day roadtrip after the wedding because my parents could no longer take them. Instead of having the honeymoon we planned, we drove around in a car for four days with his parents, who he does not get along with that well.

    (Luckily, my grandma has made a full recovery six months later, FYI)

    • Not Sarah

      I hear you about the close friends not coming internationally – we had a similar problem including some ghosting and it has been really offputting.

  • jem

    Count me in the relieved camp. My only twinge of sadness is wishing I’d spent more time with my best friends. We live in different states and the whole weekend was so hectic and flew by so fast that I wish i’d savored the time with them more. Also, even if i’m not depressed, my bank account is…

  • mjh

    Semi related, not sure if it fits here or in another open thread, but I’d love to hear from people who delayed their honeymoons. Any amount of time would be good to hear about, but I’d especially love to hear about people who honeymooned far after their weddings.

    I’m all for people doing whatever works for them. Spouse thinks we can take a honeymoon whenever we want, but I have a hard time with the idea of it being a honeymoon rather than a highly anticipated trip since it would be so far after our wedding.

    • savannnah

      We are doing ours about 4 months after the wedding but I have lots of friends who are doing theirs closer to their one year anniversary and that still feels very special for them. What is your time frame?

      • mjh

        It’s been two years since our wedding. We’ve taken many [small] trips since then, none of which we considered or called our honeymoon. I don’t know that I’ll be able to really consider something a honeymoon since it’s been so long (and who knows how long it would be when we actually took the trip, as we’re not planning one yet). My spouse is selling the honeymoon on the idea of it being a grander, more indulgent or longer trip than usual.

        • LAinTexas

          We have friends who got married in August of 2015 and are taking their honeymoon to Thailand this upcoming March, I believe. And they’re calling it their honeymoon and everything. :) I think it feeling like a honeymoon is all about your mindset, regardless of how long it’s been!

        • savannnah

          Yes. We travel a lot for work and fun and our honeymoon is definitely a different type of trip- much longer (3 weeks) and way more upscale than we usually plan. We are also traveling differently- getting a driver and hiring guides occasionally rather than our usual independent haphazard ways. I think it will still feel special for you if its what you want!

    • penguin

      I feel the same way, even though yeah people can do whatever works for them (and call their trip whatever they want). It just doesn’t really feel like a honeymoon to me if it’s more than like… maybe a couple weeks? after the wedding. Not sure on that time span. But any time people say how they took a honeymoon a year later, to me that just sounds like a big vacation. Which is great, but doesn’t seem like a honeymoon.

      We’re leaving the day after our wedding (next WEEK ah!) to drive up to a B&B and spent the week there.

      • Katharine Parker

        Yeah, for me, the honeymoon is specifically the time after the wedding. I understand why people postpone a honeymoon (there are a lot of valid reasons!), but the honeymoon-specificity of a trip dissipates when the trip isn’t soon after the wedding. Like, there should be at least a little bit of turning to each other and saying, “omg we just got married!”

        I also dislike the minimoon/”we’re taking our real honeymoon later” thing–like, your four day trip is still a honeymoon! A honeymoon can be going to a cabin on a lake two hours from your house. It doesn’t need to be the most extravagant vacation ever.

        • e.e.hersh

          It’s totally true that back in the day, a mini-moon definitely WAS a honeymoon. Two days away in a cabin was probably what most people did and could afford. It’s interesting how the concept of a honeymoon has ballooned into a travel extravaganza. I wonder if advertising dollars have had anything to do with that? ;)

          • laddibugg

            I was totally about to say this. Back in the day the honeymoon was a nice hotel or MAYBE a resort close by if you lived in certain areas.

            I do kinda want to go on a cruise but only for a few days.

        • Our “We are taking our real honeymoon later” was definitely largely a way to justify taking a long trip to our bosses. Our little trip right after the wedding was definitely our honeymoon, the big trip we took later was not (although we initially thought it would be).

      • mjh

        Next week! Hope everything goes wonderfully and you enjoy that post wedding haze :)

    • Zoya

      We did a week-long “staycation” at home immediately after the wedding, and will be doing a big honeymoon next year. We’ve traveled together a lot, so one way we’re keeping that “honeymoon” feel is by doing something totally different than we normally do–going to a part of the world we wouldn’t otherwise travel to, one that’s known as a honeymoon destination. We’ll also probably do a guided tour/travel agent package instead of our usual guidebook-and-wing-it style. (Full disclosure: we’re getting help from a relative who’s a travel agent.)

      • mjh

        Doing something totally different to get the honeymoon vibe sounds good! I hope you guys have a great honeymoon.

    • Call Me Penny

      We were married in September and honeymooned in May. I thought it wouldn’t feel special
      or like a ‘real’ honeymoon but it really did. It gave us time to decompress after the wedding and still plan an amazing trip, and we were also able to save a bit more post-wedding so we could mix and match airbnbs with fancy hotels on our trip. I’m so glad we waited. Oh and you better believe we still told anyone who would listen that it was our honeymoon!

      • mjh

        Nice to know it surprised you by feeling like a real honeymoon! Thanks for your input, and I’m glad you guys had a great time.

    • rebecca

      We’re doing ours 6 months after our wedding for a couple of reasons. First of all, money, we had a wedding much larger than we intended and needed some time to save up. Second of all, time, my organization is closed the last week of Dec so tacking 2 wks of vacation time means 3 wk honeymoon. Thirdly, weather, we moved to a city a year ago that’s known for beautiful summers and torturous winters so we decided to enjoy our first summer in our new home and take off to someplace warm in the winter.

      I’ve never been a girl who has to celebrate her birthday on the “day of” so it doesn’t really bother me at all. We travel a lot and went on a “round the world” trip 2 years ago so some people have said “it’s like you already had your honeymoon anyway” to which I was like “nooooooooooo”. Waiting and saving up a bit and traveling in the right season meant we could plan something that would still feel really epic even though we travel all the time.

    • AmandaBee

      We waited a year for our honeymoon, because of time and budget constraints. We wanted to do something more time and budget intensive; originally we planned on a short trip just after, but didn’t get around to planning it until it was too late and we hadn’t prioritized the money.

      In retrospect, I wish we’d planned something low key for a few days after the wedding (even, as someone mentioned, a staycation or drivable trip). I loved our honeymoon and we have great memories from it, but last year was hard and it would’ve been nice to have had post-honeymoon vibes to carry us through. Obviously plenty of people delay and don’t mind it though, so do whatever works for you!

      • mjh

        Thanks, it’s helpful to hear how people actually felt when putting the ideas into practice. Apologies if this sounds weird, and I def know you had a great time, but did your honeymoon feel like a honeymoon to you or did it feel more like an awesome trip?

        We’re two years post wedding now, and don’t have any particular plans for a honeymoon but I know my partner wants to have not just a big trip but a capital H Honeymoon at some point. The few days right after the wedding/low key mini moon was what I was looking forward to for the honeymoon vibe, but we had to cancel ours (story is downthread somewhere). That getting canceled made my husband kind of double down on the concept of the some time in the future honeymoon (he thinks it should get upgrade and invested in more than originally planned), whereas my reaction was more along the lines of thinking that the honeymoon ship has sailed for us.

        • AmandaBee

          We decided to treat our honeymoon like a honeymoon, in that it was really focused on us spending time together and just enjoying each other’s company. Whereas on a vacation we might meet up with a friend or wander off to do things alone, we really focused on this as an “us” trip. Which was all we really needed to feel the honeymoon vibes (and, also, was really what we needed to reconnect after a really hard year). Calling it a honeymoon helped us not feel guilty about, say, not visiting a relative when we were in their area and splurging on a private hotel room, because of course those were things honeymooners would do. So, in that sense, the label was useful to us, though it wasn’t a honeymoon in the traditional sense.

          Sorry for writing you a book. TL/DR version: calling it a honeymoon helped us focus the trip on us.

          • mjh

            Good point, and I totally appreciate the book format :)

    • e.e.hersh

      We did a “mini-moon” for 2-3 days right after our wedding and then did a big honeymoon trip 6 months after the wedding. I absolutely loved this setup and it worked very well for us. The mini-moon felt like an essential way to decompress and absorb the craziness of the wedding day. But I’m really glad it wasn’t our actual honeymoon because I was still so… stressed? crazed? mentally enveloped in all things wedding-day? Taking a few months to regroup and plan our big trip was great because it gave me the time and space to recover from wedding planning. When we went on our honeymoon, I still felt that “newly married glow” (I mean, it doesn’t disappear THAT fast) and we were able to take a long and fun trip that still felt like it was a start to our adventures together.

    • Lawyer_Chef

      We did a honeymoon trip two weeks after we got married, due to my husband’s work schedule. It was great! Though honestly, I did not get a whole lot done at work in those two weeks. But it was nice to take a few days to be at home, married, before we went on our big trip. Waking up in our bed, with our cats, the day after we got married made it feel really real.

    • JLily

      I knew the wedding was going to be stressful and hard, and specifically that I would have a hard time focusing time and energy on my husband. So for me, the honeymoon didn’t need to be the trip of a lifetime, it just needed to be time away, with my husband, to relax and reconnect. I almost didn’t want it to be a dream vacation spot, since I didn’t want to feel obligated to see every sight or make the most of every day we were gone, I just wanted it to be zero pressure. We chose a place with direct flights, stayed at the same place the whole time (when usually I would prefer a few nights in once place and then go see another part of the town/country), and planned nothing at all. We still want to do a couple trips of a lifetime soon, but for me and people that may be feeling the same way, I really think its better to just go away somewhere, anywhere, by yourselves for even a couple nights, right away.

    • emilyg25

      Different strokes for different folks, but we took a short (5 days) local road trip honeymoon immediately after our wedding and it was amazing. I don’t feel like a honeymoon has to be a big production to count, and I don’t feel like it’s your only chance to take an amazing vacation, but I do think taking at least a few days off after the wedding is important if you can take the time.

      • Jess

        For what it’s worth, with the caveat of we did leave for a larger honeymoon trip about a week after our wedding, we spent two full days and three nights at home after our wedding before going back into work.

        The day after our wedding, our best man delivered us food to our apartment and helped us unload gifts (he took that name literally: the BEST). We almost immediately fell asleep after eating. The next days we took off and went for walks and made nice dinners and went out for luxurious breakfasts. We played board games and read our wedding cards and sat outside and read books.

        I really cannot recommend taking a few days off enough in the aftermath – it helped us to extend the happiness into something just the two of us shared.

      • mjh

        I totally agree with this recommendation as someone who wasn’t able to take any time to ourselves after the wedding and wishes we had.

        We had a mini honeymoon scheduled for the day after the wedding, but crisis struck during the wedding time and we ended up canceling it (I posted the story downthread).

    • Abs

      I think the honeymoon is the time right after the wedding (like the first month or two), and it’s really important for a lot of people to take some time to emotionally process, or to set that time apart in some other way (I could actually see how moving house would work for that.) We spent much of that time working in another city (me doing on-site research, him remotely), and it was quite cool to have that time be different than the rest of the time. We went on the official honeymoon about two months later, and while it was fun, I think we had actually already been having a lot of the fun just being married. I’m not sure we needed an official honeymoon, but having some cool travel after the wedding was really good for us.

    • flashphase

      We did a minimoon and delayed the honeymoon 7 months. The pluses: more time to plan/wasn’t planning wedding and honeymoon at the same time, weather was better at our destination, less worry about money, something else to look forward to, put us back in the lovey-dovey post-marriage mindset, we splurged more than we would have had if it were a non-honeymoon trip. The negatives: we felt sheepish saying it was our honeymoon when it was 7 months later, didn’t feel quite as honeymoon-y as our minimoon.

      It was a really special trip that was neither 0% nor 100% honeymoon. For us, deferring the honeymoon so we didn’t have to plan it at the same time as the wedding was worth it for stress reasons.

      • flashphase

        oh! and for the mini-moon we went somewhere we could just CHILL, which we needed. For the honeymoon, we wanted to go somewhere far and really explore – and we would have been too tired to do that right after we got married.

        • mjh

          The mini moon sounds lovely and the combination of the two sounds great.

          I like your phrasing of the honeymoon as a special trip that’s neither 0% nor 100% honeymoon, and think I’ll keep that in mind when I’m (once again) rolling the idea of whether or nor there’s any point to a honeymoon after we’ve been married for several years in my mind. There is something between 0% and 100% for this, and I think thinking about that will help me see a honeymoon as still being worth it.

    • sofar

      You can totally still call it a honeymoon. Because, no matter when you take it, its purpose is to celebrate being married and to get some alone time.

      It’s also a useful signal to people to leave you alone during that trip, such as family who would otherwise constantly call/text and friends/family who live in that area and would otherwise insist on trying to hang out with you. “It’s our honeymoon” is a really nice and clear way of saying “leave us alone.”

      • mjh

        “It’s our honeymoon” is a really nice and clear way of saying “leave us alone.” This is the primary benefit that I can see for the terminology. And a huge benefit it is! I love our people dearly, but I absolutely treasure the blocked off times for me or for us to be alone.

        I don’t have any desire to use the word honeymoon in general, though. My main curiosity is if the post wedding haze/honeymoonish feeling somehow pops back up for couples during their delayed honeymoons. I’m glad to hear other people’s experiences with it.

        • AP

          “My main curiosity is if the post wedding haze/honeymoonish feeling somehow pops back up for couples during their delayed honeymoons.”

          It definitely did for me. We literally had no time or emotional energy to plan and execute a trip immediately after the wedding and post-wedding my anxiety was raging so hard that a trip would have been totally lost on me, so we waited about 6 months until life had calmed down and then took a ten-day trip to Mexico. We called it our honeymoon, we reminisced about the wedding, we did lots of romantic beachy things, and we basked in the newly-married glow. We told everyone we were on our honeymoon and gots lots of congratulations and well-wishes.

          I bristle a little at the folks who give a firm timeline on the honeymoon label, as if it really matters. While they’re busy trying to decide what to call my vacation, I’ll just be over here enjoying my honeymoon. I think if you want it to be your honeymoon, it will be. Bring your wedding photos to flip through, maybe even hire a photographer to follow you around for an hour (like an engagement shoot), recreate the flavors of your wedding cake if you had one, and write each other letters describing your memories of your wedding day. I say go for it!

          • Olga Mikhailov

            I LOVE the idea of hiring a photographer. I would have looked so much happier and more relaxed in those photos than I did on my wedding day! (More tan, too.)

          • AP

            One of my best friends did this on her honeymoon in Prague. They had a photographer follow them around the city for an hour, and the photos are stunning.

        • rg223

          I completely agree with AP – we did our honeymoon about a month and a half after our wedding, and it definitely still felt like we were in the “honeymoon stage” of our relationship. You set the tone of your trip – some of our most romantic moments were on random, adventure-y trips. To be honest, our honeymoon was in Japan, which isn’t the most romantic place in the world (my husband said no PDAs because the Japanese aren’t into that), so I think THAT affected the tone of our honeymoon more than the timing. If you’re going somewhere more conventionally romantic (or even if you’re not!) you’ll enjoy it as newlyweds! Definitely tell people it’s your honeymoon while on your trip – people love treating you extra special!

    • So we did a 3 day mini-moon in New Orleans right after our wedding, and then did a week in St Lucia about 2.5mos after our wedding. Mostly because of finances – the Caribbean is expensive in March. We got a fantastic deal on a New Orleans B&B, otherwise we would have had a staycation. I just didn’t want to go back to work on Monday after getting married on Saturday, especially since the Tuesday before my wedding, ~3000 people were laid off from my employer.

      Honeymoons are what you make of them – for us, it was just as romantic and special doing it the day after our wedding, and 2mos after our wedding. It didn’t take away from our glow and joy to celebrate our marriage as just the two of us.

    • Cellistec

      We took our honeymoon a year after our wedding, for several reasons, including Mr. Cellistec’s work schedule and the climate of the place we were going. Sure, I guess it didn’t fulfill the purpose of a honeymoon in terms of time spent together after the wedding, but it was also the only time in our lives that our family and friends would help us fund a big trip. (We did a honeymoon registry instead of traditional gifts.) We called it our honeymoon, everyone else called it our honeymoon, it worked. No regrets.

    • Olga Mikhailov

      We had to delay our honeymoon, since I was relatively new at my job and initially didn’t have enough vacation time saved up. We ended up taking the following Monday and Tuesday off to just hang out with family and friends, which was mini-honeymoon enough for me to feel rejuvenated once I was back at work. Then, three months later, we went to Portugal for two weeks. Did it feel as honeymoon-y as it would have if we’d gone right after the wedding? Probably not. But calling it a “honeymoon” meant 1. I could take the longest vacation I’ve ever taken without feeling guilty and 2. I felt safe completely ignoring work emails, because as my coworker said, “The honeymoon is sacred.”

  • AmandaBee

    We didn’t really have any post-wedding blues. I think our case this could be due to a few factors: our engagement was short and we threw together the wedding on a shoestring budget, so we had really relaxed expectations going in. Both my husband and I are pretty practical people, so we didn’t really expect the day to be mindblowing, just fun. Also, life got HECTIC for completely unrelated reasons within a couple weeks after our wedding, so we didn’t have the mental energy to worry about wedding what-ifs. It was nice to have some more free time not spent perfecting spreadsheets though.

    One area where I did have the blues: we didn’t plan a honeymoon because of money and time concerns, and I really, reaaaally regretted that about a month later. We thought we’d make time for one a couple months after the wedding, but it didn’t happen until nearly a year later, and I remember getting weepy about that a few times. The honeymoon we did have was amazing, but I wish I’d set aside some vacation time and money to do one right away, even something super low-key. So don’t be me, and prioritize some sort of honeymoon.

    • flashphase

      Or the advice I give is to at least book the plane tickets so it’ll definitely happen

  • Anne

    Our wedding completely surpassed my expectations in terms of best-day-ever feelings, and we had a blissful but short and local 4-day honeymoon.

    There were a lot of things I hated about wedding planning, but there were also a lot of ways in which focusing on the wedding was temporary permission to escape from real life:
    from trying to finish grad school, from paying close attention to the endless deluge of sad and scary current events, from the grind of working towards our other life goals. So in that way it’s been a bit of a letdown. It’s not all bad or depressing, but it does feel a bit like the end of summer vacation as a kid. At the same time, everything does have this additional shiny layer of couple-y happiness (“we’re both working on a Saturday but at least we’re married people working on a Saturday!”) that still hasn’t worn off.

    • Katharine Parker

      The end of summer vacation is a good comparison–you’re ready to go back to school/non-wedding planning but not quite ready for vacation/wedding stuff to be over.

  • Amy

    I was SO glad to be done. Even though the day was brilliant and it (mostly) went to plan (one of the readers couldn’t make it down due to train strikes so my awesome mum stepped in on the day) it was pretty anxiety inducing.

    But for me there was no “back to normal” we went on a month long honeymoon on the boat we live on and then started the next chapter of our lives, running a boatyard! So nothing has really been the same since!

  • JLily

    I think the best part of the wedding was after it was over! As much fun as the wedding was, it was super stressful and I was so happy when it was done. We stayed at a hotel by the airport that night alone and away from all the guests and then jetted off on our honeymoon the next morning, and I really think I’ve never been happier than that morning going to the airport with my new husband. Highly HIGHLY recommend leaving your party right away and never looking back, if you can swing it. The only blues I had were when I remembered things from the wedding that I wished would have gone differently, and wishing I could just focus on the good things instead. But those bad memories have faded with time and the feeling of being blissfully married sticks around :)

    • penguin

      We’re getting married this coming Sunday, and our venue is a hotel. I kind of wish we were staying somewhere else that night – I don’t know if family staying in the same hotel is going to want to spend time with us that night or not, and I’m pretty sure we’ll just want to be AWAY from people. Worst case we just hole up in our room haha (our reception ends at like 6pm).

      • Jess

        This is a very good opportunity for sneaking in desserts and wine and stay in your room!

        • penguin

          I love this idea, definitely going to steal it.

      • Zoya

        FWIW, we stayed in the same hotel as many family members, and nobody bothered us. They were all super-busy catching up with each other.

        • JLily

          Yes, we mostly did that so that we could shuttle to the airport easily. If we had stayed at the same hotel, we actually had the opportunity to use the penthouse suite or whatever as part of the deal for blocking out rooms. So there are other ways to get away!

      • LAinTexas

        Maybe don’t share your room number? And ask the people at the front desk not to share it so you two can have some privacy, in case anyone nosy goes to them? :)

      • Call Me Penny

        We found out two days after our wedding that my mum and sister’s room at our hotel was right next door to ours! Had no idea and most definitely weren’t disturbed. They were too busy catching up with the rest of the family to care about us after the wedding itself!

        • penguin

          Fantastic, this is my hope! I think most people are leaving right after the reception anyway, and anyone staying in the hotel will probably be visiting with other people.

      • jem

        We stayed at the same tiny inn as most of our guests and people were VERY into not bothering us that evening/early the next morning (sometimes, comically so). At checkout time, it was lovely to trade stories with folks and hug people goodbye.

      • Her Lindsayship

        Just for a different perspective – our wedding ended at 11:30pm or so, and before that day I was quite sure that would be long enough for us. A friend asked where our after party would be and I actually just laughed at him. Then the wedding happened – and 11:30 came WAY sooner than I expected. I was nowhere near ready to quit spending time with our close friends who had traveled to be there, so we went out to a couple of bars nearby and had a great time. And we’re introverts! So this may not end up being a problem for you after all. Though of course if you don’t want to spend more time with people after 6, there’s nothing wrong with that! On your wedding night, people take their cues from you.

  • Not Sarah

    As much as I loved our wedding, I was so glad it was over. It was incredibly lonely, isolating and frustrating of a planning process since I had very little support system. Two of my best friends didn’t come. My dad’s toast was about twenty five seconds and only had the important pieces in it and nothing more (basically just welcome new people to the family, we like you). We had a week at home before we went on our honeymoon and that week was spent sleeping, entertaining my in-laws who yes were still in town for an entire week after, and re-tidying the apartment we had just cleaned before everyone showed up. I spent the first week of our honeymoon still being annoyed at my husband for the fact that I did all of the wedding work for the last month while he spent all of his time working. I basically went on planning strike and was a bit rude of “why did you drag me to X place without a plan?” at points on our honeymoon which was not my finest moment. So basically our three week honeymoon hasn’t felt like a together vacation and more so both of us needing a vacation and us being good at having alone time together.

  • Abs

    I’m relieved to be done, but also really feeling how unsettled our lives are–I’m in a temporary academic job that has us located far from friends and family, and with the academic market there’s no telling when (or if) we will get closer or more settled. I think having the wedding be the next Big Life Thing gave me the illusion of more control over my life, because it was up to us when and how it happened. Now the next big thing is finding a job and settling down, which we want to do before kids or house. And it’s not like we want those immediately, but feeling like there’s no clear path to the next thing, after the next thing being so clear for so long…that’s hard.

  • flashphase

    I loved our wedding, and right after the wedding was a blissful dream. But in the next couple months (coinciding with some friends breaking up and getting divorced), the magnitude of the commitment really hit me. We started bickering and fighting a lot. I think it was because annoying habits became “forever” habits… as in, omg I’m going to be picking up his towels FOREVER. I’m going to be reminding him about this thing FOREVER, etc. Maybe because we had a short engagement it didn’t hit me until we got married. So the first few months of marriage were really hard, but we worked through it, started therapy, and now we are better than ever. I put this out there because this was so new to me and I felt pretty alone – none of my friends had said that the newlywed year was anything but fantastic. So if you’re feeling like it’s hard, I’ve been right there with you.

    • GCDC

      I’m right there with you. The first year of marriage was hard, even though we had been together for five years before getting married and had done what I thought was a lot of emotional work in preparation. Therapy (by myself) helped a lot. I feel like the angel of doom when I tell all my engaged friends that maybe the first year of marriage might be hard, and I know it’s not going to be true for everyone, but I feel like it’s a worthwhile message.

  • Jess

    I was a bundle of awfulness and nerves and sadness before our wedding. “Will people even show up? Will my mom do nothing but complain about everything? What if R’s family is judging us? What if we don’t get all the photos my mom wants? What if I don’t have fun? Are we really ready for being married? What if R doesn’t really want to marry me?”

    Once we actually got to the venue the day before, I had all the wedding zen. People showed up! Even a couple who told me they couldn’t! (my polite wedding crashers came to the ceremony and cocktail hour only, and I love them so much) Everyone had fun! My *mom* had fun and has not complained to me once about anything (It’s a miracle!).

    I felt way more loved than I have ever felt in my life.

    That buzz kept up for like a month, through the honeymoon where I was a snotty mess due to a really awful cold and a day that was supposed to be the most beautiful location being completely drenched in rain, and into our return to work. It was great?

    Maybe I spent so much time before the wedding being sad and afraid that after the wedding I was just happy it went ok. Making promises to each other about supporting each other and loving each other actively really made me feel closer to R.

    Of course, my regular depression came crashing right on in after that glow wore off, maybe even worse than before. But I don’t believe that was wedding-related, necessarily.

  • E.

    Oh man, I was really sad it was over. Not the planning part, but the wedding itself. Having so many of our people in a place that’s so special to me was amazing and I was (and am) so sad that it’s over.

    I also remember the day of being completely happy and thinking it was perfect (even though I knew a few things that went wrong, but they didn’t matter to me at all), but in the days and weeks since I started to focus more on the things that went wrong and had to really work to just remember that feeling I had and all the wonderful moments. Tbh I’m still working on that and our wedding was in July!

    • joanna b.n.

      I had the same feelings – it was so wonderful, and like Meg, as time passed I was sad I couldn’t relive everything (and grateful for the post-wedding chats with family and friends where they wanted to relive it together). But I also realized after the fact some pieces that weren’t great, so there were a few months of sort of zooming in on the not great stuff, before it zoomed back out and felt beautiful again. 8 years out, I will say that the not great stuff fades and the best moments stick in your memory.

    • Her Lindsayship

      Also got married in July and totally sympathize with this answer. I also did this weird thing where for more than a month after the wedding, I had nagging anxiety about it. I think it makes sense because we spent so much time and energy on it, and then it was all over in what felt like a couple minutes – and when we got photos back I took a nosedive into everything we could’ve done better. I was tempted to call people up and just check, “did you really enjoy it? Was it actually a good wedding?”, even “was it pretty enough?” Because it was hard to find somewhere to put all that planning energy. That did eventually pass though. It probably helped that my work’s busy season is in September (higher ed admin), so that took over my life right when I needed the distraction. Writing thank you notes also helped a lot, made me focus on the happy moments. Hope it starts to feel better for you too.

      • KM

        Thanks for sharing this! I can certainly relate and it helps to know that I’m not the only one and it will pass. I got married almost two months ago and still have anxiety about the day. Overall it went well and guests seemed to have a good time but I realized there were so many things I would have liked to do differently. Our wedding was very DIY and, although that was fun in some ways and made our wedding personal, it also added a lot of stress in the days before the wedding and even on the day of. I think it made it a little harder for us to be truly present and savor the day. We also had a few things that didn’t work our the way we wanted, a little bit of family drama, and we didn’t have time to say hi to all the guests. I get anxious every time I look at the photos and I haven’t even been able to watch our wedding video yet. I have several friends who are planning upcoming weddings themselves and, whenever they talk to me about their wedding, it makes me feel anxious too. I am hoping that, as time goes by I will be able to remember all the love and joy we felt on our wedding day and let go of all the anxieties and regret.

  • LazyMountain

    It is the Monday after returning from our honeymoon (we were married a week ago Saturday) and it is THE WORST MONDAY. Coworkers have been asking how everything went and I don’t even have the right language to describe that it was stressful and intense and raw an beautiful and exquisite. And we are so glad it’s over but simultaneously wanting to relive it.
    We were lucky enough to rent what essentially was a giant log cabin as our venue, and since our names were on the contract we did the final walk through before checking out as just the two of us, alone, on the Sunday afternoon after our wedding. It had POURED the day before, when the lodge had been full of life, frenzied preparation, food and dancing. Now everything was still, the sun touching the autumn leaves, with only the sound of the nearby river to break the silence. We locked the doors and climbed over some rocks to go sit by the bank, knowing that we likely wouldn’t be coming back there, and that the time of dreaming about that beautiful place and our wedding day- that time was over. I made lots of incredible memories that weekend, but that specific moment of melancholy is still making my chest feel tight.

    • penguin

      That sounds really beautiful and really raw. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you owe your coworkers anything more than a “It was great!”

  • Ha anyone else had a short gap between wedding and honeymoon and worked during it? We’ve got a bit over a week between our wedding and honeymoon, since we’re going to see the Northern Lights and if we went straight after it’d be full moon while we’re in the arctic. Bearing in mind between the wedding and the honeymoon I’m using about four weeks’ worth of annual leave, I’m wary of taking more off (especially since it’s a super busy time of year at work!) and leaving myself with nothing else to look forward to until January 2019, but I don’t know if I’m just deluding myself and I’ll hate it when I’m logging back on two days after the wedding to clear the email backlog.

    • Jess

      We worked for about 3 days between our wedding and our honeymoon. We took off the Monday after (Friday wedding), but went back to work Tues, Wed, and Thurs. I didn’t mind it at all – we had extra desserts we brought in to share with co-workers, got to talk about the wedding a little, and have a few days to make sure everything was squared away before leaving for an extended time.

      I definitely recommend taking a day off to extend a little bit of wedding glow, especially if you’re doing a Saturday or Sunday wedding, but I was really glad we had the chance to catch up on work stuff. It let us relax more on our honeymoon, knowing we’d taken care of stuff at work before we left.

  • Becca

    I hated planning, so I was super relieved that the whole thing was over and we could enjoy the honeymoon (which is what I was REALLY looking forward to, way more than the wedding). But I also felt a bit of sadness that the day itself was over and wished I could experience it again. It went by so quickly, and I had a lot of thoughts like, “Wow, all that money and time and effort for one day that’s done in a flash.”

    Now that a few months have passed, however, I feel kind of disappointed with the wedding, even though right after I had all these rosy glow-y feelings. Like I said, I hated planning and I have so many negative feelings associated with it. My mother-in-law was the #1 source of stress and drama during planning, and our relationship has definitely taken a nosedive since then. And there are a lot of things I would do differently if I could. So while the day itself was fun, if I could go back and do it again I wouldn’t. And neither would DH, which is surprising considering he’s the one who wanted a traditional wedding in the first place.

  • nosio

    I absolutely HATED planning, had very low expectations for our wedding (things kept going wrong, so I was just trying to prepare myself to not be too disappointed), and couldn’t wait for it to be over – and then the day arrived and it turned out to be fucking magical. The next day I was both relieved that I’ll never have to plan another wedding (I hope), and SO SAD that we couldn’t do it all over again. We live across the country from most of our friends and family, and after a year of loss and heartache, it just felt so good to be celebrating with our nearest and dearest.

    Now, a month out, I’m still relieved, and looking at our wedding photos, I feel the sweetest, tenderest heartache. It was magical and beautiful, and it happened once, and that makes it all the more special.

  • Amanda L.

    Immediately after, it felt like this huge crash. Like, I was on such a high from everything that it spiraled into the opposite direction. It passed pretty quickly and I was over it within a couple of hours. In the weeks after, I missed planning (I get stress relief from things like checklists and spreadsheets). After a bit, though, I was glad to not have this huge thing to worry about anymore. Though from time to time, three years later, I still get paranoid about things like “did everyone get our thank you cards?!” (I had a friend who said she didn’t, but I think she may have been lying because it wasn’t on her fridge with the other ones she’d gotten, and a friend’s recent issues with some of his invitations not being delivered has reignited the paranoia.)

  • toomanybooks

    I wondered if this would happen to me but it didn’t! I felt totally fine.

    I think the main thing I actually worried about for post-wedding was not having the same level of Internet content to consume, since I was looking at a bunch of wedding stuff! But I still read APW, Jezebel’s wedding blog stopped running fairly soon into my engagement, and Reddit has other fun subs to check out.

    I did take a 2+ week honeymoon just after my wedding (left the next night, so it was immediate but I had some time to collect myself after the wedding also), and that probably helped. By the end of the honeymoon I was actually kind of dying to come home because I had terrible eczema and wanted to go back to my softer water and tub of hydrocortisone (I’d completely run out of my little prescription strength travel tube).

    Also tbh I don’t feel all that different now that I’m married, as opposed to being engaged, except that now I get to say “my wiiiiiiife!”

  • Alexandra

    We immediately went on a ten day local honeymoon afterward, and I couldn’t stop randomly going on crying jags. It was a problem. I was just too wound up from the whole thing. Then we came back and everything was so weird, because we’re religious and had never lived together or slept together before we were married, so there was a lot to figure out.

    That was four years and two kids ago. I sometimes wish I could have had my wedding right around now in our relationship. It would be a lot more fun, since now I actually know the guy.

  • NotMotherTheresa

    Oh man, the post wedding blues were so real for me.

    It wasn’t that I was sad the wedding was over, per se. Though I enjoyed our wedding, planning it was a nightmare, and there is no way I would ever want to have to do that again. The blues came in the form of a sense of finality–I think there was a tiny piece of me somewhere that imagined that getting married would just magically solve everything. That when I returned to the world as A Married Woman, that I’d somehow no longer have the same problems that regular me had, and that a marriage certificate would somehow wipe out my credit card debt/give me the perfect family and friends/redecorate my house/make my job super awesome/etc.

    Then…I woke up the day after my wedding, and I was still me, except with an emptier bank account, courtesy of having just paid for a wedding. Honestly, it took a couple of months to really bounce back emotionally–the worst period of blues passed after a week or so, but the sense of just being drained in every possible sense lasted for quite awhile.

  • Michelle

    I’m a week and a half since our wedding. We did a five day trip to Niagara Falls (we drove from Toronto), so leaving whenever we wanted was great. The wedding was in our apartment, and as much as I love that we had so much time to do set up and no fees or liquor licenses to worry about, we had to move all our living room furniture and everyday stuff into our spare bedroom to fit all the people. Even though we had a full day after the wedding before leaving on our honeymoon, it was mostly returning rentals, last minute shopping etc. for the honeymoon, and cleaning up the party area, spills, putting away food, and generally making the place livable for my cats while we were away (i.e., nothing breakable or edible still out). We had no time to get some friends in to help put our living space back the way it was (heavy couch and upright freezer), so we’re still living in our spare room.
    It would have been nice to have a staycation so we could put our apartment back in order. My closets are all full of hastily packed everyday stuff, including my kitchen and dry food. It needs a full overhaul and organization that I just don’t have the energy for right now, but it’s driving me crazy because I wasn’t the one who did a lot of the packing, so stuff I need for whatever could be in any of a number of boxes, including a lot of my craft supplies that were used for the décor and general “junk drawer” type useful stuff.
    I can’t describe how nice it was after the exhausting week before the wedding to drive to the rental place to return stuff, and come home to find that my mom, new husband, BIL and his girlfriend had cleaned and put away most of the décor and done all the dishes (we self-catered). I didn’t have to do any of that, so that was really great.
    I also said screw it to the TTC (Toronto transit), which is how I had been getting to work for more than a year. I had been mostly fine with the switch from GO transit since it saved my $50/month, but after two weeks away from it, going back to it on the Monday I just couldn’t take it anymore. So I took GO this morning, and even though I had to get up earlier, it was peaceful, not crowded, and it won’t take me two hours to get home anymore.