Can I Register for Bail Money in Case I Strangle a Bridesmaid?


My bridesmaids don’t realize my wedding isn’t all about them

by Amy March

Bridesmaids in grey dresses, holding bouquets

Q: Dear Amy,

I currently want to strangle one of my bridesmaids. I’ve got a bundle of them, including my sisters as maids of honor. They are all planning a bridal shower for me (which is so nice of them!) and there is so. much. drama.

One bridesmaid (let’s call her Rachel) is bitching to me about another (Monica). Monica has been particularly helpful and take charge with the shower planning, and Rachel is complaining that Monica is being controlling and leaving people out.

When Rachel complains to me all I can think is, “Monica is just being nice, and she would never want to exclude anyone,” but when I say that to Rachel, I think she feels like I am taking Monica’s side and defending her (because I kind of am, because I think Rachel is being ridiculous).

I kind of feel like my bridesmaids are forgetting that in my mind, my wedding day isn’t all about the activities leading up to it and what my table decor looks like. It’s about celebrating that I am marrying my best friend, and it’s to celebrate a lifetime of happiness and love! How am I supposed to be excited about a wedding when everyone’s complaining to me about each other?

Here are my questions for you:

  1. How the hell do I kindly tell my bridesmaids to leave me out of anything that is supposed to be a surprise?
  2. Can my MOH/sister tell my bridesmaids kindly to not text me or reach out to me about one another?
  3. How do I kindly tell my bridesmaids that my wedding is about my marriage and not so much about my shower decorations and who’s paying for the hotel for my bachelorette?
  4. Only one of my bridesmaids (besides MOH) has actually been married. How do I politely say, “You really don’t understand until you’re the bride,” without sounding like a know it all?
  5. How do I kindly tell my bridesmaids that I want them all to wear the same color to my bridal shower so that they don’t wear white? One of them wants to wear a very white patterned dress and thinks it’s totally appropriate, but I am too nervous to tell her it bothers me because I feel like a petty bitch if a god damn dress bothers me.

Can I Register For Bail Money If I Strangle Them?

A: Dear Bail Money,

Bless. There is so much here. I am overwhelmed reading your letter and I suspect—strongly—that you are too! Let’s unpack it piece by piece.

1. Surprise!

Easiest question! The rules on surprises are pretty universal—don’t ruin them. Totally fine to say, “Wait, wait is this a surprise?” And if the answer is yes, literally put your hands over your ears and say, “La la la I can’t hear you,” in your best eight-year-old sing-song. Hopefully they’ll get the message.

2. Drama.

These are really two separate problems. Maids of honor often serve as sort of a bridesmaid-in-chief. No one will really bat an eye if your MOH reins in the planning a bit. She could absolutely email everyone and say, “Hey, bride’s seeming pretty overwhelmed, so from here on out, let’s try to not talk to her about the shower and just let her show up and enjoy,” and then tackle the logistics with the bridesmaids.

But. Rachel and Monica? You need to put on your big girl panties and deal with your people yourself.    You can’t have your sister play backup on your personal relationships with your friends. If Rachel is complaining to you about Monica, and you don’t want her to, then you need to draw that boundary. That means instead of defending Monica (because let’s be real here, I am Monica sometimes and no, it isn’t just being nice—it’s totally being controlling and bossy), it’s okay to tell Rachel, “I love you both so much! Which is why I’m not going to talk about Monica with you. If you have a problem with her, you need to deal with her directly.” I know. It sounds impossibly difficult. But I have confidence in you! And being able to have that conversation and then stick to it and refuse to discuss other people’s drama is a skill worth doing the hard work to develop.

3.  Priorities.

At the end of the day, you are right. Your priority is your marriage. But that isn’t their priority! Their priority is this little tiny piece of the pie that they get to take ownership of as a way to tell you how much they love you. It’s unnecessarily harsh to tell people who are doing something nice for you, “I don’t care about this. It is meaningless to me in the face of my pledge of eternal love. Just pick the damn napkins already.” Instead, how about, “Gosh you have such good taste, I’m sure whatever you choose will be lovely,” or, “You know I’ve been making so many decisions about the wedding I just can’t choose anything else. It would be so helpful to me if you could just pick and I’m sure I’ll love it,” or, in an emergency, “Ohhh you know who has lots of feelings about shower favors? My mother! Would you please call her? She would love to chat about it.”

4.  Experience.

Never utter these words, “You really don’t understand until you’re the bride,” aloud to anyone. There is no way to do so without sounding like an insufferable know-it-all. Try to not even think these words, for fear they will slip out unintentionally. I get what you’re trying to say, but I’m here to tell you that you can’t say it.

5.  Clothes.

Here, I must tell you firmly no. Kindly, with love, but absolutely not. They all get to wear whatever they want to your shower. The general rule is that people can wear whatever color they want to social occasions, with the exception being white to someone else’s wedding. Wedding. Not bridal shower. She can wear a patterned white dress to your shower. It will be totally fine. If you’re worried about it, try repeating to yourself three times nightly, “It does not matter what anyone wears but me.”

The good news is that you have a gaggle of people who mean well and love you and are trying really hard to shower you with genuine affection. When you’re feeling overwhelmed by the shower of feelings take some deep breaths, brew a cup of tea, watch an episode of The Great British Baking Show, and you’ll get through it just fine.

DO YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYWHERE YOU TURN, MORE PEOPLE ARE GETTING MARRIED? LIKE ATTENDING WEDDINGS HAS SOMEHOW BECOME YOUR HOBBY? IS “EXPENSIVE CRAP FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S WEDDINGS” A BIGGER BUDGET CATEGORY THAN “MANICURES, BOOKS, AND CHEESE”? EMAIL ME: AMYMARCH [AT] APRACTICALWEDDING [DOT] COM.

Amy March

Amy has loved weddings at least since the second grade when she made an epic diorama of Charles and Diana’s wedding for “important historical event” day. She has purchased every issue of Martha Stewart Weddings ever published and will happily talk to you for an hour about the relative merits of blush and bashful. Her happy place is poolside with a glass of rosé and a good book. 

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  • Vanessa

    Top notch advice as usual.

    • CMT

      And A+ headline!

  • Jan

    I agree with all of the advice given. Regarding complainy friends, you’ve really got to ask yourself what’s worse for you: being direct and telling Rachel you won’t discuss Monica’s behavior with her anymore, or having to endlessly listen to Rachel discuss Monica’s behavior? For me, the constant complaining would be a nightmare I could not abide.

    As an aside: at my first wedding (when I was young and didn’t think things through), I totally told my bridesmaid and best friend that she couldn’t wear the dress she wanted to wear to my rehearsal dinner because it was white with a pattern. That was years ago and I now cringe every time I think about it. 0/10. Do not recommend.

    • Jan

      Also, and maybe this is just me, but why can’t YOU be the one to just say, “I’m so excited you all are throwing me this shower. Thank you! I’m sure it will be amazing, but I’m feeling super overwhelmed and would really prefer to just let you make the decisions and stay out of the planning myself”? These women are presumably some of your closest friends and family, right? Does it really need to be filtered through your maids of honor? Is that something that others would consider bridezilla-y (ugh, that term)?

      • rg223

        Hmm, I read that as being part of the advice to “have MOH step in as the authority,” but you make an excellent point.

    • Lisa

      I agree with all of the advice given. Regarding complainy friends, you’ve really got to ask yourself what’s worse for you: being direct and telling Rachel you won’t discuss Monica’s behavior with her anymore, or having to endlessly listen to Rachel discuss Monica’s behavior? For me, the constant complaining would be a nightmare I could not abide.

      As someone who’s been in this situation not once, but twice, I wholeheartedly agree with you. If you, LW, want to preserve your relationships with both Rachel and Monica, you need to draw the boundary that you won’t discuss one’s behavior with the other because it will poison your friendships. It’s not worth it to get drug into this contest and forced to pick a side. Be like Switzerland, stay out of it, and redirect their complaints to one another. They’ll eventually learn to handle themselves like adults or find someone else who will be their sympathetic ear.

      • This is just good advice in general, not just for wedding planning! I think it’s pretty cruel to engage in or even tolerate gossip like that amongst friends.

    • toomanybooks

      Ooooh.

      Come to think of it, I don’t even remember what anyone else wore to my rehearsal dinner or bachelorette – it totally wasn’t discussed beforehand. Except for my little sister showing me a white dress she wanted to wear, but I felt absolutely comfortable shutting that down because a) she couldn’t afford it and I’d just had to send her money due to her being low on funds, b) she kept talking about how much she wanted to steal attention and stand out, so I had no sympathy, and c) she’s my sister, we have a pretty close relationship where we can say whatever we want to each other and it’s water under the bridge because we aren’t going to stop being related

      I felt bad telling my mom not to wear a long white dress (with a blue floral pattern on it) to my wedding, but she DID ask me if it was too white, so.

  • toomanybooks

    I’m getting some mixed messages in this question. On the one hand I’m seeing “I don’t care what everything looks like, I’m just marrying my best friend!” And on the other hand I’m seeing “can I make all my bridesmaids wear the same color to my bridal shower so that one of them doesn’t wear the dress I don’t want her to wear”

    If I were you, I’d issue a blanket statement that you want as little as possible to do with their planning of pre-wedding activities because you already have enough on your plate, and just go ahead and tell the one friend that you think the dress she wants to wear for the shower is too white. (Personally I think it’s fine to not want people in your bridal party to be wearing white at wedding events – of course, this is coming from the perspective of someone whose insufferable spotlight-thirsty little sister, who had quit her job and complained about being broke and asked for money, texted a picture of a new white dress she was thinking of buying at Madewell for the bachelorette party, which she ended up not attending at all because she didn’t want to eat the food at the restaurant where it was going to be)

    Aaaand “my wedding is about my marriage, not who’s paying for the bachelorette” is all well and good until you’re a bridesmaid being asked to pay for a bachelorette that you can’t afford. If they are the ones planning it, they need to plan something everyone can afford. That miiiiiight mean that you need to step in if one person (was it the MOH?) is being pretty firm about everyone chipping in a certain amount that might be too high for some people, and it’s been brought to your attention. (If that’s the case – for example.)

    Maybe a lot of this is supposed to be a surprise (do they know that?) but it is for you and you may need to provide some guidance and consultation sometimes. Not all the time! Not the whole planning process step by step! But sometimes certain things kind of need the bride’s input if people want the bride to be happy with the decisions made.

    • Her Lindsayship

      Came here to say your third paragraph – so important to take a step back and see this from their perspective for a hot sec. Sure, you have a lot going on when you’re planning a wedding, and the bachelorette seems like one fairly unimportant detail from that point of view, but it’s a pretty big part for them. And hell, even if it isn’t, someone has to make the decisions and find agreement or you won’t have a bachelorette. Sometimes that’s difficult with a group of people with different tastes/budgets/attitudes. But it’s a difficulty they are facing FOR YOU, so try to keep that in mind.

    • sofar

      Really good point on intervening if Rachel’s complaints are about cost. When I first read this, I wasn’t sure what the LW meant by “leaving people out.” But if Monica is leaving people out of budget discussions, it’s probably time to step in.

      If, on the other hand, Rachel is That Bridesmaid (there always is one) who doesn’t respond for days to the person who is taking initiative and then just replies-all and says, “Actually, I’m not really feeling the location or the decor” without offering alternatives, then, by all means, tell Rachel sweetly and politely she needs to stfu and let Monica plan. I’ll admit I *may* have read that into the letter because, I TOTALLY had to plan a shower and bachelorette with “Rachel.”

      p.s. Your sister sounds like a treat. Wow.

  • idkmybffjill

    “Try to not even think these words, for fear they will slip out unintentionally.”

    Pahahahhahaha the best.
    I will say – bridesmaid in white might get some side-eye at the shower. I went to a mutual friends shower and a lady showed up DECKED OUT in all white and people talked. But the bride did not and that made her look ever so gracious so look forward to having this be a moment where you’ll appear extra gracious if folks in your crowd are the folks who would be scandalized by that.

    • CMT

      Yeah, people who wear white to weddings (and I guess wedding-related events) are the ones who look bad, not the bride. People will be talking and not in a good way.

    • Abby

      Exactly. 100% agree with Amy’s advice that bride does not get to be the one controlling this, but also think it’s pretty tacky to wear white to wedding-related events where you are not a bride. High road (while wearing your own super-cute white dress, if that’s your thing) is the way to go.

    • Jane

      Also, if you are one of the folks in the crowd who is scandalized by a supposed slight to the bride but she doesn’t appear care – maybe take your cue from her.

      I overheard someone at my shower giving her cousin (who is not my cousin – these were all FH’s relatives) a hard time about wearing white, and it irritated me because a) I had no problem with people wearing white and worry that somehow that drama will reflect back on me b) there weren’t many people there and an older relative on my side was wearing white. I would be so upset if she also overheard and felt bad. Hoping she didn’t.

      • Ashlah

        Yes! I just found out, almost three years after our wedding, that a friend of ours chewed out the DJ for announcing me by the wrong first name. And yeah, that’s a pretty basic mistake for a DJ to make, but we just thought it was hilarious (and got some great photos of us bursting out laughing). The DJ came over to apologize, and I think we made it clear that it was not a big deal, but I still cringe thinking about my friend criticizing him seemingly on my behalf. Don’t make a big deal out of something that isn’t a big deal to the bride/couple.

        • Jane

          Yeah. Also, there seems to be a big difference between handling problems that require action, and just criticizing things when what’s done is done. Like, even if you were really upset about the DJ thing, or I’d been upset about the white dress, what could be done?
          But, if the DJ had other announcements to make that night, like X and Y are going to have their first dance, etc – making sure the DJ is clear about your name is important. I wouldn’t mind a friend doing that, but I would hope they were nice when they did it.

          • Amy March

            Even then, not your party not your business. In general, if someone is being paid to do a task, only the person paying them or someone they ask to get involved should be giving instructions like that.

          • Jane

            Totally. I would just be much less bothered about learning it had happened in this scenario than the other.
            Plus, a lot of the time, you won’t know what the couple had planned or agreed to.

          • Jan

            “Also, there seems to be a big difference between handling problems that require action, and just criticizing things when what’s done is done.”

            YES. One of my all-time biggest turn-offs is people who complain about things for which there is no possible resolution. What would you have me do? Shame this person for their mistake? It’s done. Move on. Live your life.

      • idkmybffjill

        Agreed – don’t police other people’s events.

    • Mrrpaderp

      To be fair, LW said that it is a PATTERNED “white” dress. Pattern on a white background =/= white. Maybe, MAYBE, it would be inadvisable to wear to a wedding, but it’s certainly acceptable to wear to a shower.

      Really just everything about point 5 is… inadvisable. It’s incredibly passive aggressive and a huge overreaction to a non-issue. Dictating wardrobe choices is way over the line for a shower. And don’t tell me, “but everyone has a [color] dress!” because hell even I don’t know what I’m going to feel most confident in day to day. You’re forcing people to either wear something they wouldn’t otherwise have chosen or buy something new.

      • idkmybffjill

        Oh totes. I mean… patterned white dress can either read as VERY white or not white at all, depending on the pattern. I just meant as an aside to the bride…. this isn’t a thing to sweat, it for sure won’t make her look bad. It probably won’t make her friend look bad, but if it does it’ll only make the friend look bad, not the bride.

      • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

        Maybe I’m That Guest, but I’ve worn print-on-white dresses to weddings before. I generally wear a cardigan and/or shoes in a color that emphasizes the print part and not the white part. Nobody would ever look at me and go, “Yeah, she’s trying to look like a bride.”I dunno about this don’t-wear-white-to-a-shower nonsense, though. That’s a new one to me.

        • Amy March

          It’s such nonsense!! Half the pretty floral print dresses for day-time are a floral on a white background! White for summer is a trend! Your white eyelet dress is perfect for a tea party. I think it is a new trend based on concerns I find ridiculous, like having a perfectly instagrammable party, and I’m just not here for even more “rules” about what women can and cannot wear.

          You get one day of insisting no one else wear white and that is it. (And I’m with you, print on white with a cardigan is not a white dress and is totally fine).

          • Jan

            It’s also wrapped up in a lifetime of expectations around what things will look and feel like for you as a bride, and it is 1,000,000% one of those things that you THINK will matter and then won’t even notice on the actual day of the event. (Source: see above re my own bridal white dress debacle, ugh.)

          • Amy March

            Srsly though does anyone, actually, have a lifetime of expectations that she will be the only person in any variety of white dress at her shower?

          • Jan

            I think a lot of women have spent a lifetime of attending weddings and wedding events seeing the bride all in white, and just sort of assumed that one day that would be her. It’s not like they sit and dream about it, it’s just an assumption made, and based on this thread I think it’s clear there are women for whom this rings true. It’s the same way people stress about center pieces and freak out about not getting the exact right color of a bridesmaids dress (also something I did). Assuming things will be one way because that’s how you’ve always thought about it, and then being met with reality, can be crazy-making. It doesn’t make it a cool thing to do, I’m just saying I get why it happens.

          • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

            Also, your wedding is a party you’re throwing, and you’re presumably paying for everything, so you can kinda institute a dress code. But your shower? That’s a party that people are throwing for you. You’re a guest of honor, emphasis on guest. It’s a gift to you. There’s a limit to how you can demand other people gift you, and you sure as hell don’t get to dictate dress code at somebody else’s shindig. If they take your preferences into consideration, that’s very nice of them.

        • Mrrpaderp

          Just to be clear, in my mind it’s 100% fine to wear a print-on-white dress to a wedding and I’ve totally done it. I was attempting to give LW the benefit of the doubt when she said the print reads white. But even straining my imagination as much as I can, you can’t ban a print-on-white-that-reads-very-white dress from a shower.

          • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

            Yeah, I was agreeing with you. I just wouldn’t put it out of the realm of possibility that I’ve inspired somebody’s stories about that jerk who wore a white-ish dress to their cousin’s wedding or something.

  • rg223

    This is all great advice! I will add one additional thought, because I think there’s an additional factor that may be at play – and that’s if Monica and Rachel aren’t… (wait for it)… friends. I’m thinking Rachel is complaining to LW about Monica because they don’t have their own relationship separate from the bride, and she feels like LW has to be the go-between because Monica is “her” friend. Which I can understand – it can be hard to plan these activities with people you don’t really know and worry you’re stepping on someone’s toes. So, in that situation, all of Amy’s advice still applies, but I think LW really has to drive home that MOH/sister is going to be the point person from now on – and if Rachel wants to be more involved, she can talk to her, neutral-person-in-charge.

    • toomanybooks

      Wait for it… F * R * I * E * N * D * S !!

      *brainstorming how to turn this situation into a Chandler-ism*

  • sofar

    Agreed you need to make it clear that you will NOT be the go-between for bridesmaid drama. If you have trouble being direct, you can still make it clear by refusing to talk about it.

    Two of my bridesmaids haaaaaate each other and have for years. They were pretty good about not discussing their hatred with me leading up to my wedding, but they did slip a few times. And I’d just interrupt and say, “Honestly, I’m just so glad my closest friends are all here for me! I appreciate you being patient with her.” Repeat this, verbatim, every time they try to bitch about the other bridesmaid, and they’ll probably stop.

    If not, you’ve got Amy’s perfectly awesome response and probably enough annoyance to use it, even if you usually hate being direct.

    Also agree that the one thing you should NOT be direct on are what ANYONE wears to your shower. It’s fine if a white pattered dress bothers you. You can’t help how you feel. But you CAN help how you act.

    • Sarah E

      That’s a very very good go-to response.

  • H

    Can I just say one thing – no where is it written that bachelorette party or shower plans are supposed to be a surprise for the bride. Recently I’ve been involved in two situations where the bride declared that she wanted these things to be a “surprise” but then had intense opinions about them that everyone around her was just supposed to intuit. If you have expectations, share them. Demanding people surprise you in the exact way that you want to be surprised is asking for trouble.

    • Amy March

      Oh yes. If you want a surprise, awesome. You get what you get and you don’t get upset.

      • Kara E

        My 3.5 year old pulls that phrase out from time to time – it’s perfect for everything from “surprise” parties, to laundry day attire for small children, to getting the “right” popsicle from the bottom of the box. That said, I now say it with a little kid sing-song “you get what you get and you don’t get upset!”

    • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

      Please don’t ask for a surprise shower and then magically show up dressed for it because what you really wanted was to figure out the surprise and squash the efforts of your entire bridal party and half your inlaws to keep it secret for months. Or whatever.

    • Kara Davies

      My bridal shower stateside was a total surprise. I knew the date and the venue and that was it. I had zero say in what happened, what the decor was, who was invited, what food was served….. nothing. I.DON’T.DO.SURPRISES.WELL. I rocked up and felt like a total stranger to what was going on.

      My bridal shower down under wasn’t a total surprise. I enjoyed myself much more than I did at my stateside shower.

      Know your brides ladies. If she’s not a lady that handles surprise well, don’t surprise her with a shower.

      • Jan

        Your stateside shower sounds like what mine will be (I know the date and that’s it), but I *wanted* the surprise. Well, not so much a surprise as I don’t want to have to make literally any decisions. My sister and best friend are planning, though, and I trust that they’ll nail it (if I were to wager a guess I’d say a nice dinner out and a wine bar, absolutely zero raunch… right up my alley).

      • NotMotherTheresa

        Yup! Personally, I loooove planning things, especially comparably low stakes events (like, a shower). Helping plan and set up my own bridal shower was one of the best parts of the entire wedding!

        Unlike the wedding itself, the stakes were low and I didn’t have to be the one to do every. single. little. thing. Instead, my MOH and I got to casually plan the whole thing together, and it made for a really great time. I gave her a theme, I gave her a general vibe I wanted, and then we spent the night before doing the cooking and setup together. The result? Everything perfectly suited my taste, MOH never had to worry about whether I’d like it/beg for help from other bridesmaids/do everything herself, and we had some fun bonding time! (Plus, added bonus: The other bridesmaids didn’t have to do/contribute a thing! By planning it together and using largely decorations from my own house, the whole thing maaaaybe costed $150, most of which my mom happily shelled out for.)

    • Eh

      That sounds like the drama around my BIL’s bachelor party and my husband’s bachelor party. My husband was best man for his brother and planned an afternoon of golfing and evening drinking the day before the wedding (the rehearsal was two days before the wedding) because it’s the only time that all the groomsmen were available (one was coming in from out of country). My BIL expected that the event be a surprise but complained about the plans later (note: my SIL also gave my husband strict instructions that they couldn’t go to a strip club, go to Vegas or anywhere else like that, or do anything else that could get my BIL in trouble). The next year when it was time for my husband’s bachelor party, my BIL (his best man) refused to talk to him about plans because it was supposed to be a surprise. My husband didn’t want to talk to him about plans, he wanted to give a list of people to invite (even if the event is a surprise, a guest list from the guest of honour is probably required). My BIL would shut down the conversation when ever my husband mentioned the bachelor party. In the end, someone else planned the bachelor party (because my BIL complained he didn’t have the money to afford it – even without consulting with other potential guests, or scaling back plans, since my husband said he just wanted to hang out at someones house, drink and play video games). There were parts of the evening that my husband knew about and other things that were a surprise. But since the person that planned it listened to him about the guest list, the people he wanted there were.

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  • archaeopteryx

    5 for 5 on A plus advice! I will add that it sucks that Rachel doesn’t realize not to complain to the bride. You’re under enough stress as it is!

  • notquitecece

    Wait bridal shower outfits are a thing? People, like, PLAN what they’re going to wear to showers? I don’t even know what I wore to my own shower.

    • Kara Davies

      Whatever’s clean and smells good and is appropriate for the occasion is my mantra!

      It’s a bit tacky in my book to wear white to a bridal shower if you’re not the bride… but whatevs.

      • Leah

        Yeah I’d put wearing white to a bridal shower in the “yeah you can do it, but do you REALLY need to?” basket. There are so many other colours, just pick another and completely avoid any potential faux pas.

    • idkmybffjill

      Whenever I’m a bridesmaid I actually make a point to wear the color of our bridesmaid dress to all pre-wedding activities… but that is because I’m a nutcase who likes buying dresses and also likes having very particular guidelines for what to wear. Being the bride was the BEST THING EVER, I just always wore white and adjusted to fit the occasion. Lol

      • Jan

        That’s dedication! I just avoid white and call it a day. If I weren’t such a chaotic procrastinator I might be able to plan like you do! Alas, this is not my lot in life.

        • idkmybffjill

          ha! I have a dress shopping ILLNESS. That coupled with a deep fear of being dressed inappropriately leads to…significant outfit planning.

          • Jan

            Ha! I kind of do too, which is partly why I procrastinate. I buy dresses to which I have no occasions to wear them, so I’m always like “Eh, I’ve got dresses, I’ll figure it out”. I did that once while packing for an evening wedding in Mexico and BOY WAS MY FACE RED when I realized it was a black tie wedding (apparently a cultural norm I was not aware of) and I’d shown up in my mini dress from Express. >_<

          • idkmybffjill

            When I was in high school my stepmom and I misinterpreted “Formal Attire requested” as black tie, and I wore a straight up gown to a wedding (like.. it was my prom dress) where most people were wearing sundresses. It was a cultural misunderstanding too – the bride and groom were from families where unless told otherwise everyone would definitely wear jeans and boots. The bride was VERY GRACIOUS and complimented me on my dress but I wanted to hide under a table.

          • Jan

            AHMAGAHD. I would’ve melted into the floor.

          • idkmybffjill

            It was….. so awful.

          • ART

            Awww FWIW I don’t think sundresses are “formal attire” and might have been similarly misled – I would have called that “cocktail attire” or like “semiformal”!

      • Jane

        I love this! And I would also love if all my bridesmaids wore the wedding colors to everything – because I just love the colors so much and flowers so much. I mean – I would never expect them to, but if they were like you and just wanted to. . .

        • idkmybffjill

          My girls all sort of did this sans prompting and I was like, “you get me”.

          • Jane

            Most of the women in my family pretty much wear blue most of the time, so they’re not even doing it for me.

    • Amy March

      I mean sure? Why not? I plan what I wear to most parties because it’s fun and I like to feel pretty when I see groups of people.

      I just think it’s out of line to try and plan what other people are going to wear.

    • Jan

      I feel like they’re more of a thing for bachelorette parties? Planned outfits, I mean. But I think there are general “rules” around what to wear/not wear to wedding-related events, and they’ve just bled over from the rules around wedding attire itself.

    • BSM

      I plan what I’m going to wear to basically everything because I like clothes and I like planning.

      ¯_(ツ)_/¯

      • Leah

        Hahaha right there with you.

  • Most important question that goes un-addressed: why was Great British Bake Off renamed for American audiences? Does it sound rude? Ruder than Mel and Sue having fun with their baps? Also, has the series with sexiest man alive Selasi aired in the US yet? What about the one with Nadiya and Tamal (who are still utterly lovely friends and hang out now)? Are people aware that it’s going over to Channel 4 and this is more traumatic than Brexit? You can’t just drop GBBO into a post and leave it there!

    • Amy March

      Because “bake off” was already trademarked by Pillsbury in the US; Selasi’s season has just started airing and he is the yummiest part of it; yes, Nadiya’s season was a while back for us; and yes we have heard that that show has been utterly ruined!

      • Eenie

        These are all the answers I needed.

    • Jane

      Yes. And that “the male judge” is the only one making the transition. I do not think I can watch without Mel and Sue.

    • CMT

      Nadiya and Tamal’s season was my go-to escapism viewing post-election.