What Happened When My Dad Sprung a Surprise Remarriage On Me

How to tell (and not tell) your kids you're getting remarried

I always knew, growing up, that my parents had a bad marriage. I wasn’t stupid. Some dads didn’t live in the basement. Some moms came in the door without screaming at everything in the house. I could see that my friends didn’t spend their days tense, worried that at any moment there might be an explosion. At my friends’ places (or, more often, on TV shows) parents touched one another in loving ways—gently moving a strand of hair or placing a head on a shoulder. I watched these relationships with an envy I couldn’t have actually admitted to. This is all to say: when my parents told my little brother and me that they were getting divorced, the first thing I felt was relief. It was finally over.

What I wasn’t prepared for, however, was the flip side of divorce: remarriage. Aka stepparents.

My mom never remarried, but my dad is on marriage number three. Phew. Going through a divorce is shitty (and expensive). Finding the heart, strength, and resources to go through the process again is impressive. But one of the things my dad seemed to forget (at least at first) is that if you have kids, they are also going through all of this with you. So, through personal experience (and the trial and errors of my fantastically patient father) I’ve gathered up my best advice on how to make the transition easy on your teenager or young adult. Author’s note: for ease, wife #2 is K and wife #3 is S.

Don’t spring it on them: How did my brother and I find out about our father’s impending second nuptials? With tickets to LA to meet our new family, after which we would fly to Hawaii for a family vacation. I had a new sister and stepmother coming (whom I’d never met and barely heard of) and now we were going to spend ten days together in close quarters. At first I was excited because I’d always wanted a sister, but it totally backfired because it turns out that only-children are sometimes ill equipped to handle the bickering of siblings. It was tough feeling judged twenty-four seven. I don’t really remember anything about the trip, or meeting K, other than crying on the beach multiple times and turning down a helicopter ride to sit alone and read. Family isn’t built through a sink-or-swim guilt-funded vacation.

Do take it slow: The second time around, my dad was older and wiser. He let my brother and me know about his interest in his third wife-to-be on the fifth date. We could ask questions like, “She’s a family friend, so how does that work?” or “Where would you live?” or “Do you love her?” The basics. That gave us some time to wrap our brains around how things were about to shift.

Don’t lose the moral high ground (if You can help it): My dad kind of met his second wife, K, while he was still with my mom. Which means I overheard many shrill phone calls warning my father not to “bring that woman” around to things. I could read between the lines. For about a year, when it came time for him to (rightfully) enforce my curfew or ground me, I would become an absolute nightmare of a child. After all, what right did my cheating father have to tell me when I should come home?

Do build trust: During his third engagement, my dad called me and told me his fiancé insisted they come up to New York for the Pride parade, and show their support. I was shocked. I hadn’t had a lot of personal interactions with S, but the fact that she was already inspiring my dad to be a kinder, more open-minded person? That was impressive. It was just a quick day-trip, but it won S many a conspiratorial wink over rounds of margaritas.

Don’t take away home comforts: K valued neatness, which meant there was a sudden schism in our home when she moved in. My father and I are somewhat forgetful humans who are comfortable with a low level of clutter, but all of a sudden, the house was under strict rules. You got dirty looks if you forgot to push your chair in, lectures if you left books on the table. My brother and I couldn’t help but feel we were intruding in our own home. Also, K was Christian (we were raised Muslim)—which meant we started celebrating Christmas and I was punished for “taking the lord’s name in vain.” It got to the point where I dreaded stepping foot in that house if K were home. I’m not saying the house should be a mess all the time, or that I should swear like a sailor, but it’s stressful when a switch gets flipped overnight.

Do show you respect their traditions: My dad and S were far more careful. They made sure the wedding was a safe space for my partner and me. When they were house searching they’d send pictures to get our opinions. S learned my favorite dish and would make it when I came home. Sure, she and I don’t see eye to eye on everything—for example, she was raised in a tight-knit family that keeps in touch all the time and can’t understand why I don’t call more often, and she isn’t into the idea of using flippant sarcasm to your elders—but I try to be mindful of her needs when I’m around S because she’s already proven that she cares about mine.

Don’t put your kids in the middle: Don’t tell your kid secrets they have to keep from the other parent. Which means, once you have a wedding date: tell your ex. If you’re not speaking, send a letter, email, or carrier pigeon. Do not let your kid become the messenger. It’s not fun to be in the position of processing your parents reaction to their ex getting married. Actually, it’s less than not fun, it’s heartbreaking.

Do let them know your priorities: My father and I almost lost our relationship over K. She and I were in a cold war of sorts, partially because we just didn’t mesh as people, but also because of the resentment that built up over the mishandling of the relationship. Finally, my dad took me out to lunch one day and over crepes, looked me in the eye and told me, “If you can’t find a way to get along with K, it’s over. I’ll leave her. You and your brother are the most important part of my life and I can’t keep going the way things are.” After that, I extended an olive branch to K, because I didn’t want my dad to give up something that made him happy. Eventually, the marriage ended of natural causes (hence, the third wedding to S) but I can’t over-emphasize the importance of that talk. Telling your kid that nothing is changing between you two, that you are always their parent first, and really meaning it? That’ll get you through anything.

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  • Sandy

    “Don’t Put Your Kids in the Middle” – This one really speaks to me. My parents are divorced and they are definitely better apart then they are together. Their fights would leave me and my little sister crying while holding each other and even years later I get filled with dread any time I hear raised voices thinking a simple civil argument is going to escalate into a shouting match or worse. Anyway I was the oldest child and both my parents liked to use me as the messenger or just the sounding board for their complains (especially my dad) and I hated hearing the things they said about each other because although they didn’t like each other I loved them both. Don’t put your children in that position. Great article!

    • ItsyBit

      That part really resonated with me as well. My situation sounds very similar to yours: oldest child + messenger + sounding board + dread w/ raised voices always… Blah. I was so sick of it that when I was 18, right before going away to college, I resorted to being incredibly childish in hopes of getting my point across- I’d put my fingers in my ears and say, in a sing-song voice, “This is none of my business” or “LA LA LA I’M NOT LISTENING.”

      Desperate times, man.

      • Sandy

        Maybe if I had done that they would have stopped telling me stuff sooner :).

        • ItsyBit

          Hah! Maybe. Although I think what really helped for me was moving out. (Love my parents to death, they’re wonderful people and parents, but this is where they stumble. Always.)

        • Sarah E

          Idk. As just-off-to-college adultish kids, my bro managed a giant “shut the fuck up” storm out, wherein I accompanied him into the car and we went to our respective BFFs for the night. . . .and still the “talks” kept coming. There are no guarantees.

    • Jess

      This is great advice for all parents. Ever. Being the sounding board for my mom managed to ruin my relationships with both my parents.

      • BSM

        Same. I get that it must be really tough as a person whose marriage may be falling apart, but do not ask your child to play therapist. It’s awful.

        • Jess

          Truth. Support systems are necessary, and relationships are hard, especially when they are not working.

          A parent should be the support system for their child, not the other way around.

      • Sarah E

        The best part is when she says “I don’t how much I need to tell you. . . ” and then proceeds to tell me way too much.

        Thought we were past that until drama popped up again last weekend. Thank goodness I was working and my hubs bore the brunt of it. Even he said he learned more about my dad than he ever needed to know.

        • Eenie

          If a parent’s thought starts with “I don’t know how much I need to tell you…” then the thought should not be vocalized unless pressed with questions from the kid.

          • Sarah E

            Email that to my mom, will you? laugh/sigh

          • ItsyBit

            Seriously. My favorite (slash the worst) was when my dad would preface all the TMI crap with “I promised I’d never lie to you guys…”

            Dude. Withholding certain info for the sake of appropriate boundaries is so not the same as “lying.”

          • Eenie

            My parents haven’t lied to me and yet somehow I don’t know the nitty gritty details of their sex life.

          • ItsyBit

            In his defense (sort of?) it was usually about the drama between him & my mom. But still.

          • Sarah E

            Right?! It’s possible, folks! Here’s the proof!

        • Jess

          Ha, that’s my favorite line!

    • lauren

      oh my god yes. my fiancé’s parents screwed the pooch on that one. he was so young when they split, and bore so much of the brunt for his younger siblings. i get mad at them whenever i think too hard about it, though they’re both (mostly) lovely people.

  • ItsyBit

    Yes yes yes, a million times YES to all of this. Growing up, I was so used to being the go-between for my divorced parents that I decided it must be my responsibility to tell my mom when my dad got engaged. WORST. DECISION. EVER.

    • I AM SO SORRY THAT HAPPENED TO YOU. I was basically like “YOU need to tell her, because I’m NOT doing it.” And by her reaction when she did find out, I was so happy it wasn’t on me.

      • ItsyBit

        Thanks, and good decision on your part! I was like, “It’ll be no big deal, I’m over it, she’s over it, we’re all fine” and then my seriously not-emotional, non-crier mother burst into tears and started asking rhetorical questions like, “why couldn’t he have done xyz when WE were married??” and I died a little and decided that I was not over their divorce after all. Whoops.

    • Jennie

      Yes. On a related note, my mom was the one to call me and tell me my dad was cheating on her. Then when I went to talk to them, my dad had the nerve to ask if I’d told my brother. Yeah. NO. You cheat on your wife of 31 years, tell people yourself. I think overall, people should be talking to their family, not making kids (grown or not) be the messenger.

  • snf100

    These rules apply no matter how old your kids are, I was 5 when my parents first divorced, 6 when my father remarried the first time 8 when my mom remarried and 20 when my father remarried the 2nd time. For his first remarriage my father was under the mistaken impression that it would be better and easier for everyone to wait until after the wedding to tell me, he learned is lesson partially for his second remarriage, he told me and had me be a participant, even if he did hijack our trip to London to make it happen. Your kids will appreciate you telling them things in advance and if you give them time to process the news with out expecting an amazing reaction right out of the gate, no matter how old they are.

    • Jules

      Agreed. While special care should be taken for kids since they may still be forced to live with and depend on you….a lot of these totally apply to adults.

      My father in law remarried and didn’t even tell his kids. He pretty much did the opposite of everything here. He had me and my husband meet “someone” (who was clearly a romantic partner) over dinner, and it wasn’t until DH finally asked him in private if he’d remarried (they were wearing rings) that he was like – “Oh….yeah. I didn’t know how to tell you.”

      He’s also never given any backstory to how they met, but based on some context clues (the state she worked in last/is from), they met when he was still married. Then he was moved to Australia for work, he filed for divorce, and he moved to another country with this woman.

      Then the burden was on DH to keep that, uh, big piece of news from his two sisters. I don’t even know if his mother knows yet, and it’s been at least 2 years since we met this lady (and FIL hasn’t said when they got married…).

      The whole thing has been a total disaster and has really undermined my FIL’s relationship with his kids.

      • NO. WHAT? Didn’t tell his kids? Man. That must have been a rough moment.

        • Jules

          We fortunately didn’t have to bear the secret for long. One of his sisters was Skyping with him shortly thereafter, noticed his ring, and asked my husband, “Is…Dad remarried?”

          “Yeah…”

          Just, wtf.

          • Wow. Just… wow.

          • Alison O

            Ugh, my heart aches. For you, them, and me. :(

      • MommaCat

        Sadly, I know this all too well. My dad and his long-term girlfriend (whose relationship caused my parents’ divorce, cough) got married in Vegas one weekend not long after 9-11, because the world was going to end, obviously. The following Monday, at high school, a friend of mine (whose mom was a friend of my now step-mom) walked up and said, “I hear your dad got married!” Yeah. That didn’t go over well. Of course my dad got mad that my step-mom told anyone, but of course nothing is his fault. Yes, I’m a touch bitter about that. They’re still married, though, which has made my dad grow up a bit; she doesn’t take his crap. ;-)

  • TeaforTwo

    This is smart stuff.

    When my dad remarried he fumbled some parts and got other parts really right. One thing I think he nailed, that I really appreciated, was not trying to force a relationship that wasn’t there.

    That is to say, we are all quite cordial with his wife, but I don’t imagine that any of us will ever be close with her. There is a personality clash there that my sibs and I all feel (and I’m sure she does, too!) and it just isn’t going away. Of course she is at family events, in the way that the rest of us bring our partners, but my dad and I also have pretty regular one-on-one dinners. No one in our family has ever referred to her as our “stepmother” – she’s just my dad’s wife. My nephews call her by her first name instead of some variation on “grandma,” even though she was in the picture before any of them were born.

    I know that some people do feel a lot closer to their parents’ later-in-life partners, but for my family…that just wasn’t ever going to happen. What I’m really grateful for is that no one ever asked me to pretend otherwise.

    • “One thing I think he nailed, that I really appreciated, was not trying to force a relationship that wasn’t there.” On point. Yes, because if it’s forced, that’s when the resentment kicks in. Bravo on that count.

    • This. One of my closest friends’ dad remarried and I know she had a rough time accepting it because her dad kind of sprung it on them. But their family has never pretended that his new wife is suddenly the new mom of the house. They call her aunty (it’s a little socially unacceptable where I’m from to call your elder by her first name) and she never meddles in their lives or tries to “mother” them. On the outside, it might look like the relationships within the family are rather segmented, but I think dropping the pretense has actually helped to glue them together. My friend is closer to her dad than she ever was before, and she knows it has a huge deal to do with the way the remarriage was handled.

    • Caitlin

      I didn’t even have to MEET my Dad’s new wife (then girlfriend) for two years. Basically they didn’t push it on me or my sister AT ALL. She was after me too, maybe 3 years? The only thing they could have done better was make sure I could attend their wedding instead of scheduling it as a piggy back onto a work trip so it could be cheaper… like two weeks before finals in my third year of engineering. I didn’t feel like I could make my feelings known once they were so excited about getting married in Hawaii and saving money.

  • Emma

    So much yes. “Telling your kid that nothing is changing between you two, that you are always their parent first, and really meaning it? That’ll get you through anything.” What I always wished my dad would say, but he never has. Things have gotten a lot better since I left home, but 6 years later I still tense up whenever I hear anything about her/her family. I’m working really hard to let go of the hurt/disgust/jealousy I feel towards them. This post brought back so many memories.

  • RoseTyler

    “but I try to be mindful of her needs when I’m around S because she’s already proven that she cares about mine.” – YES! This is exactly the difference in why i’ll make every accommodation for my friends of church family as needed; but become very stubborn with own mother. If we know the other party is going to trample on our right/needs it is up to us alone to protect ourselves. It is so much easier to give in at times when we know they are trying too.

  • Jessica

    This should be required reading for anyone who is ready to get back into the dating game when they have kids.

    All of the ways to not do something were done by my mom’s parents when they got remarried, both of them multiple times. With their last/latest marriages the step-families were all really hurt that none of us consider them actual family, but that is what happens when Grandma gets married on a cruise to a man she has known for 6 months and the adult step-children already have their own lives.

  • raccooncity

    I was legally an adult when my parents separated and definitely an adult when they finally divorced. This means there was never any hope of me thinking of my step-figures as any kind of parental unit in any way at all, really. The step-situation makes my wedding planning tricky, as both step-people (although niether of my parents technically remarried, they’re both living with people) have their own nightmare qualities. I give them both massive grains of salt because I also have, as an adult, the experience of having to care for one of my parents through an extended illness. While it was something I was happy to do, it gave me huge perspective on the fact that making my parents happy and caring for their health/well being is just too much work for me as their child, and I’m happier that they found a partner who truly does these things. Thus, if my parents are happy, then I’m willing to put up with much more than I think a child living with stepparents should have to.

    That said, even as an adult you never lose the sadness that comes from feeling like your parent’s home isn’t quite home anymore, because it belongs partially to someone you met more recently than your own spouse.

    • TeaforTwo

      This grain of salt business is important. My father has had two partners since my mom died: one woman he dated for several years and then broke up with, and the woman he is now married to.

      I do not particularly his wife, but I remember how lost he was after his last breakup (and also after my mother died, but that was different and much bigger, obviously). He was so lonely, and although we’re a close family, he needed more than any (or all) of his adult children could give him. Eventually there will be aging and illness and the rest of it to deal with (and that may fall to his wife, or it may fall to us, or more likely to some combination), but for now there was just no way that we could be everything for him. So even though his wife and I are never going to be besties, I am really glad that he has someone to share his life with.

    • Alison O

      Honestly, and with the way my partner’s dad has hurt us and led us to be estranged, he’d best marry his girlfriend and make it official so he can count on her to a greater degree to take care of him, seeing as we’re not super keen on it now.

      Obviously I’m still in the very very bitter phase.

  • Sosuli

    Wow… this has given me the fear. My parents divorced a year ago next week and so while I have (luckily) not yet had to deal with potential remarriage issues, a lot of similar issues have already come up. Like not being the messenger between your parents. EVER. I was visiting home a few weeks ago and I had to tell my mother to ask my father herself if she wanted to know something SO MANY TIMES. In the end I just said “I don’t care, I’m not your messenger.”

    Also if there are any divorced parents out there reading, please note the fine line between adult child you are very very close with and close friend. As close as I am and as much as we talk, I feel like if my mother wants to talk about her adventures in online dating (including details of flirtatious messages), she should go to someone other than me. I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW.

    • raccooncity

      It’s so hard. People don’t realize, sometimes, that divorce is still emotionally difficult when you are an adult and don’t even live with your parents. It’ll probably keep being really difficult for a while for you as all the ‘firsts’ happen (your parents have their first serious relationships and you deal with all those issues for the first time), but eventually it does get much easier.

      My heart is with you right now. It’s tough stuff to go through at any age.

      • Sosuli

        I was literally just writing a response of “my heart goes out to you” to your below post. Your point about home not feeling like home… My parents haven’t got partners yet, and still technically own a home together (my dad lives abroad most of the time due to work), but it just is not the same and I am really dreading that time of either of them living with someone else. Thanks for the encouraging words, I’m glad to hear it gets better.

        • Sarah E

          Yeah, no remarriage necessary for your childhood home to stop feeling like “home.” My dad lives by himself in our childhood home now, but with most possessions gone thanks to the divorce and to my brother and I each moving out, it’s largely empty and feels lifeless because it’s way too big for one person (even with two big dogs). I’m always torn because I’d like to spend as little time there as possible, but also spend equal amounts of time with my dad and my mom when I visit.

    • Sarah E

      Seconded on what raccooncity said. It’s really tough, and even 7 years out, still the drama pops up. I, too, refuse to be the messenger (and my bro stays emotionally distant), but that leads to awkward times of how to communicate to my dad when deaths occur in my mom’s family. He thinks he has a right to know, citing the length of their relationship, and I disagree. But then we have an argument, etc.

      Also seconded on moms acting like we’re friends, not mother-daughter. My mom told me once after I had moved out that she was glad we could be friends, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her (she would have been very hurt) that I don’t think we’re friends. We’re mother-daughter.

      • Court

        This is similar, in a way, to when people refer to their spouse as their “best friend.” The spouse relationship is so different and complex, I don’t want to downgrade it to best friend. That’s a specific relationship with different interactions . . . I love my best friend but in an extremely different way than I love my husband. Same with my mother. We’re extremely close but not “friends” – that would devalue what we actually have.

    • K Robertson

      “Also if there are any divorced parents out there reading, please note the fine line between adult child you are very very close with and close friend.”

      THIS. My parent’s divorce happened twenty years ago, and my dad’s recent issue is complaining to my brothers and I about our mom. There are lots of people you can complain to about your ex, your mutual children are NOT those people, ever.

      • Kara Davies

        There’s just some stuff you don’t ever want to know from a parent. Ever.

  • Heather

    Definitely feeling this piece as the stepdaughter to a K. I heard about the wedding after the fact (they eloped, but it still would have been nice to get a heads up) and there was a sudden increase in the required cleanliness in the house. I have a really hard time spending any time at home and I know that my dad would choose his relationship with her over me and my sisters. It really hurts, but at least I have a great relationship with my sisters. Bleh.

  • honeycomehome

    “Which means, once you have a wedding date: tell your ex.”

    THIS. And slightly modified, this is excellent advice for divorced parents. “If something big is happening in your life that affects the kids, tell your ex. Even if your kids are adults.”

    My brother and I were pretty much adults when my parents split up and I think they basically saw it as an end to considering each other as co-parents. That works ok, we can independent relationships, but when there were health issues and personal stuff going on it was stressful to have to explain to each parent what was happening “on the other side.” I wish they’d just send each other bulletins once in a while, especially when a grandparent was ill or they moved in with someone or got re-married.

    • Sarah E

      Yeah, this is the totally awkward thing. My dad thinks he can act like nothing happened and we’re all still one big family while my mom wants zero contact with him ever at all. So I’m left to decide which is worse: dealing with dad trying to have contact when I tell him about deaths/life events or dealing with the fight when he finds out I didn’t tell him.

    • Emma

      Yep yep yep. Mine divorced when we were kids and used to be great about communicating. My sister and I switched between their houses every 2 weeks and they would fill out a little form they made each week with updates. Since we’ve grown up? Nada. We are now the go-betweens. And it is not fun.

  • rg223

    My parents are still married, so I hope this doesn’t come off as rude, but I am SO curious and a bit mind-blown at the idea that parents could remarry and then enforce the rules of their religion on their stepkids (as it happened with you Najva). Especially as a teen! Many of my friends were rejecting their parent’s religion at that age, let alone a step-parent’s religion that you weren’t even raised with. Have other people experienced this? Did anyone’s parents handle the different religions in a way that worked for everyone involved?

    • It wasn’t so much “we’re christian now” as it was “there’s a christian in the house and now we have to act differently” but either way it was “you have to adjust things for the stepmom’s comfort… almost in every sector.”

  • Hannah Marie Hanmer

    I wish that my dad had, even once, told us something like yours did- that kids came first

    • Tonikat

      So much this.

    • ItsyBit

      <3

  • Kayjayoh

    “If you can’t find a way to get along with K, it’s over. I’ll leave her. You and your brother are the most important part of my life and I can’t keep going the way things are.”

    Wow. I really respect your dad for that. That is a tough thing to promise, and I’m glad that, as you said, things got better and when the relationship ended it was for other reasons.

    • Alison O

      I wish I got this sentiment from FIL… He sort of alluded to it once, but I’m skeptical of its feasibility because I wonder about the possibility for resentment to come from actually making the decision to leave someone for the sake of your kids.

  • Gray

    Great article. My dad and mom were both remarried, and there’s definitely a right and a wrong way to do it.

    My dad and stepmom did it right. They really made sure I got to know my dad’s girlfriend (at the time) at my own pace, and well, before they got married. When they got engaged I was totally comfortable with it. I was the flowergirl in their wedding and was honored with a gift of a symbolic necklace during the ceremony, which meant a LOT to me. That was 20 years ago and I still have the necklace. Me and my stepmom don’t have a great relationship but I still look back and appreciate how they handled their remarriage.

    My mom, on the other hand, did not handle it well. She married a guy I barely knew — they only dated for about a year before getting married, and they only got together when I was out, or without me. Suddenly they were engaged, and were doing a courthouse wedding and moving in together in mere weeks, giving me no time to get used to the idea. I felt blindsided and definitely cried miserably when my mom told me. I’m not really proud of it but I was only 11 years old, so…

    Anyway. This article gives a lot of good advice. I think the biggest point is just to show, with words AND actions, that you still love your kid, they are still your #1, you are still their parent, and they can adjust at their own pace.

  • annlynn

    My dad got married 2 months ago, I met his new wife a month ago. I understand if the order of that sentence confuses you. It’s all so frustrating and feels so fast. People ask me if I like her and I have to answer honestly- I don’t know her. I’m sure she’s a lovely person, but I just don’t know her. Add on top of all of this she has cancer so there is no opportunity for me tell my dad any of this.

  • Williamecornish

    Get It Now.-p-r-a-c-t-c-a-w-e-d-d-i-n-

  • Janrpoole

    ^^^^^Get It Now.p-r-a-c-t-c-a-w-e-d-i-n

  • Cynthiananderson

    ^^^^^Now Get It -aapprracticalwedding

  • Also:

    Don’t try to force happy family things to happen. No matter what age your kids are. Let your kids have the chance to develop their own relationship with this new member of the family. It might end up that they treat each other respectfully, but not warmly. They might warm up over time and become really close. But if you force it, you add pressure which will only make whatever emotional reaction comes out that much more intense. You could turn a *I’m not terribly fond of this person but will make the effort for parent* into *this person is poison and I will never be able to tolerate their presence*.

    Also, depending on your family style, maybe don’t allow step-parent to enforce Parent Rules – at least for a while. At the very least, make sure the step-parent understands and is on board with the parenting style and household rules the child has *already grown up with*. Because suddenly flipping the script on whether a kid is allowed out at a certain time, what the rules are for visiting friends, housework and homework expectations is not going to help matters.

    For example: 17 year old teenage me in the UK, who grew up from infancy with a single parent who encouraged me to trust my instincts and judgement when it came to dating while also making sure I could talk to her – judgement-free – if I had any concerns. And who would greet my boyfriends and girlfriends openly, in an accepting and casual manner, while *privately* keeping an eye on them to make sure I wasn’t seeing anyone who might harm me or do me wrong.

    Gained a step-father who would refuse to shake the hand of any boy I brought home, and who literally *grabbed several of my boyfriends by the throat and slammed them against a wall to threaten them when I wasn’t in the room*. The end result of which was that, when I started having sex, I just didn’t ever bring any of my partners home to meet my family. Or even tell them I was seeing anyone. Which could have been really dangerous for me, if I’d had the misfortune to get into relationships with anyone abusive or dangerous.

  • Katherina Chia

    I want to use this opportunity to thank Dr Camara for helping me to get my husband back after 3 months of Divorce.My husband breakup with me because he see another woman at his working place and told me he is no longer interested in me and live me pain and heart break.I seek for help on the Net and i saw so many good talk about this spell caster Dr Camara of camaralovespell@live.com and i contact him also and explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me which i use to get back my husband within the period of 2 days and i am so greatful to him for the good work he did for me,that is why i also want to let everyone who is in need out there to also seek help from him so he can help.His email is CAMARALOVESPELL@LIVE.COM you can contact and he will help you. …

  • nutbrownrose

    That last paragraph kind of kills me, because it’s so right, and the exact opposite of what my dad did. While I have come to accept that my stepmother is the best woman for my dad, it would have been a lot easier to like her if my dad hadn’t said, in response to being asked what he wanted for his birthday or christmas “All I want is for you to get along with J.” That wasn’t only once, by the way, that was every birthday, father’s day, and christmas for 10 years. Basically from the time they got together when I was a little kid (when he was still married to my mom) until I got to college and finally had the balls to tell him where to shove it.

    I have since acknowledged that he is an abusive bastard, but he still loves me, and I still love him, which makes it all kinds of hard.

  • Bryna Christiana

    My name is bryna christiana from Illinois in USA. Am here to testify of a great and powerful spell caster named DOCTOR EBOLO of ebolospelltemple@hotmail.com I was so confused and devastated when my boy friend left me for another girl. I needed him back desperately because i loved him so much. So i contacted this great spell caster for a help. He helped me cast a return love spell on him and just within 2 days my boyfriend came back to me crying and begging for my forgiveness. I want to recommend this great spell caster to anyone that truly needs an urgent solution to a love break up. Simply contact the great DOCTOR EBOLO via email: ebolospelltemple@hotmail.com

  • Abby

    Thank you for writing this article.

    My mom got it so, so wrong. I was 13 when she remarried and I found out in summer camp. Got a phone call “Hurray! I’m engaged!” My siblings and I had never met the guy… So when everyone wanted to know “Do you like him?” and “what’s he like?”, like an idiot I had to say “I don’t know, I haven’t met him.”

    Once we met, it was all downhill from there. As much as my mom told everything “It’s up to the kids what kind of relationship they want to have with him,” and “they’ll figure it out on their own,” she did every underhanded pushy thing she could think of to get us to spend time together, which obviously only backfired.

    My teenage years were miserable. We each left home as soon as we turned 18 and most of didn’t go back for 10+ years. I haven’t seen or spoken to my mom’s husband since the last family wedding (7 years ago) with no plans for that change. I speak to my mom once a month or so, but she somehow still wonders why she doesn’t have a better relationship with her kids… it’s not exactly a mystery, woman!

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