Rich Is In, Poor is Out Out Out!

In case you haven’t seen The Knot’s article on Hot Wedding Trends For 2008, let me sum it up for you: buy at least two of EVERYTHING. I kid. I know you need more details, so here it is:

  1. One wedding dress is not enough. Buy two. Ideally buy one princess dress and one mini dress. Everyone loves a bride in a miniskirt! Also, make sure you hire a hair and makeup person for the whole day, so they can change your hair style and your makeup between the ceremony and the reception. Remember! This is a show! Your guests expect full costume changes, and probably backup dancers. Hire backup dancers.
  2. Grey is the new brown which was the new black. Hence grey is the new black. Chocolate brown for weddings is out out out. Grey is in! It’s so festive and upbeat! Make sure all your bridesmaids wear grey no matter when or where your wedding is. Make them like it.
  3. White is in. Not just your dress, but the whole reception should be white. Well, if it’s not grey. Grey and white! Remember that. Colors are so 2007.
  4. Lux is in! Over the top is in! Poor is out out out. Your centerpieces should be like nothing we’ve seen since Marie Antoinette. Feathers! Glitter! Live birds! Showstopping! Remember, Marie Antoinette may have been a spoiled selfish monster, but she knew how to party. And she ended so well, right? Plus, I’m pretty sure she loved cake!
  5. Serve every kind of food you can think of. Each kind at a different food station. I know before we told you that buying two of everything was in, but that was a joke. Ha. Just buy every kind of food you can get your hands on. Ideally, have a professional sommelier to go with each food station. And at least 5 different kinds of wine per cuisine. Oh, and champagne. Also five kinds of champagne. Actually have a wine cellar.
  6. Vintage is in! But not poor people vintage, Gilded Age vintage! Ideally, try to get a ring worn by a actual Rockefeller, but if you can’t do that, go with a Guggenheim. Did we mention that over the top was in? It is.
  7. Make your guests vote on everything. Have polls. Run focus groups. For gods sake, don’t pick things because you like it, pick things because other people like it. Also: make sure you have a wedding blog.

Well, thank goodness. One down. Or is that two? Do I need two wedding blogs? Ahhhhhh…..

Picture: The Knot’s idea of “vintage.”

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  • I’ve not commented on here before but my goodness I couldn’t pass it up this time…I about fell out of my chair laughing. I had to read this to my FH and he got a huge kick out of it too! This is exactly why I stay away from The Knot.

    Thanks for the laugh.

  • LOVE it! I ‘ll definitely have to go with 5 dresses then.. a different one for each time I’m greeting guests at each food station!

  • Thank you for starting my day with a huge smirk!

  • Your blog is awesome and this post was the best. I stumbled across your blog a couple of weeks ago and have really enjoyed reading it. It is such a refreshing change from many of the other wedding blogs out there.

  • HA! great post, I love this

  • peihan

    Ahahahaha… I love it =) Your blog is awesome in general but this post was over-the-top awesome ;)

  • Ha ha ha… I feel like that is the theme of my life now that we moved. But really, did you have to knock the feathers. I thought we had an understanding regarding feathers.

  • I know that it takes away from the luxe-appeal, but this year, instead of getting two wedding dresses, I think I’m going to go the Barbie route and have a snap-on full skirt over my minidress.

  • Meg

    Beck, you know I love the feathers.
    Kate, SHH!

  • great, now everyone within earshot of my cubicle knows i’m not working thanks to the snort i just let out while reading that first paragraph. lol. i loves it! i’m so glad someone else shares in my jaded view of weddings/wedding planning.

    don’t get me wrong, i love them both [and can’t wait to do it for myself] but all this extra stuff people tack on as “must haves” drive me nutty.

  • Damn!! I only have ONE dress. I guess I’ll need to go out and buy a few more. Oh, and I’ll be sure to make my bridesmaids buy a couple more too, wouldn’t want them left out of the action! Besides, I’m sure they have a few hundred dollars just laying around that they wouldn’t mind spending on another bridesmaid dress!

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! This is sooooo funny – thanks! Yes, I too tend to avoid the Knot as they can be a little ridic sometimes. I’m not a fairy princess, and I don’t want to be one on my wedding day!

  • Wait..I’m conused. Shouldn’t I have two weddings as well! Two reeptions?! So I need 4 dresses, 10 food stations, 2 wine cellars….

  • Poor is out out out

    omg *lmao*

  • Funny, funny sh*t.

  • Hilarious!

  • phyllis

    You’re such a fresh breath of air in the world of suffocating wedding planning =). Always enjoy reading your thoughts and commentary! That being said, I’m having two dresses and doing the costume change ONLY because it’s a tradition in my culture — I’ll be wearing a traditional Chinese qipao after the ceremony that we’re getting made dirt cheap in Hong Kong. So perhaps not all multi-outfit brides should be knocked ;).

  • Meg

    I would never mock you for that. Trust me, I understand and totally respect cultural traditions. And in general, while I offer wry commentary, I fully support brides decisions to do their own thing. That’s what this blog is about! Also… I would love to see pictures!

  • One Love Photo

    So perfect! Oh man, it is painful sometimes isn’t it? What a funny clever perfect post.

  • You rock! Thank you for bringing some sanity and humor to the insane world of wedding planning.

  • ahahahahahhaha

  • Anonymous

    I know I’m like a year late posting on this but I think it should be said…I love your blog so far and as much as I LOVE weddings (everyone is so loving!) and as much as I think a lot of things are blown hugely out of proportion by people who want to spend tons of money on their BIG DAY, I think you’re blowing this one out of proportion. The Knot is a good site with quite a few DIY ideas and very simple receptions. The luxe thing was a litte weird to me (as was the 2 dress thing) but the vintage thing? They didn’t say anything about expensive vintage…they said to use your grandmother’s ring. You left out the “going green” trend completely. And grey? They were just saying that it’s popular this year and that it’s a great neutral to use in place of brown, black or navy. Give them a break or you’ll discredit yourself. Just sayin.

  • Skittle

    Three years late, but I’m going to comment on Anon’s post anyway, for those of us (like me) who are doing the Read Older to Newer thing.

    I created a Knot account as soon as my FH and I started talking engagement, because I’ve always loved their magazine. And at first, it seemed like everything was perfect.


    Because, while some sensible advise can be parsed through the madness, not much on that site is Practical. And then I discovered the forums, and man, was that a mistake. I would get depressed thinking about the planning process – THINKING about the planning PROCESS – after spending hours on that site, because everything I wanted – or thought I needed – seemed so beyond my reach. And then I started realizing…slowly…after my ideas and wants had time to simmer…that maybe I didn’t actually want this or that…and I felt guilty for feeling that way, and suddenly found myself in a community of women I simply could not relate to or empathize with.

    And then I discovered APW. And it felt like coming home :)