My partner and I tried a few different things before we ever sat down and had an honest conversation about scheduling sex. After all, making a timetable for sex is kind of the opposite of sexy, right? Anytime we even got close to talking about it, I would immediately flash back to an early episode of Grey’s, when Addison and Derek are discussing the fact that they never had to schedule sex in med school, with the implication that their marriage must be in trouble because they were now doing so. As the viewer, you understand that of course their marriage is in trouble and Derek is totes in love with Meredith… which didn’t do a lot to make me feel better about the situation.
Our first step was to come up with what our schedule would look like: Did we mean sex three times a week? Always on the same days? Did we mean daily sex? Given our busy lives, was that even a remote possibility? If we’re scheduling the time and date, should we also schedule where we have it? What if extenuating circumstances pop up (and they do)—do we reschedule for the next day or skip the day completely? And most importantly to both of us: If we were serious about scheduling sex, how did we plan to make it something sexy to do? Because you know what? Nothing makes me less likely to be down for getting busy like knowing it’s “time” to.
Clearly we had lots of questions… and once we settled on schedule (MWF), we managed to stick to it for about… one week. It turned out that for us, scheduling sex wasn’t nearly as helpful as we hoped it might be, and it made sex feel like a chore. Since our goal was to have sex more regularly, we switched gears and started going out on dates together, making sure we complimented one another suggestively as well as sweetly, and you know, just touched each other more frequently. It turns out that something like sitting intertwined on the couch can go a long way.
I’m curious about you, though. Would you guys consider scheduling sex? Have you? Why or why not?
Have you scheduled sex? Did it work—did you stick to your schedule? Did it benefit your relationship at all? how can you schedule sex without it feeling like a chore?