Helen, Business owner, copywriter & Keren, business lady
One sentence sum-up of the wedding vibe: Friends who are family and family who are friends on an island that smells of cinnamon.
Planned Budget: $17,000 NZD ($13,200 USD)
Actual Budget: $20,658 NZD ($17,420 USD)
Number of Guests: 23
Where we allocated the most funds
Flights and accommodation. We hired two beautiful sister guest houses during the off-season, and managed to get a pay four, stay six deal. And what did “off-season” mean? Amazing dramatic monsoon rain for half an hour or so a day, but mostly blissful sunshine.
We treated everyone for two nights and guests stayed on another four nights on their own ticket. It ended up being $50 USD each a night, including a three course à la carte breakfast everyday. Serious luxury.
We ended up taking on more travel and accommodation costs than we’d planned in order to cover crucial people who couldn’t otherwise have come. Our priorities were pretty clear on that, and we dropped other stuff to make up some of the deficit. In retrospect, that was actually a bonus—less stuff to worry about!
Where we allocated the least funds
Everything weddingy. Our dresses were borrowed or second hand and we did our own hair and makeup. The venue guys took the boat out in the morning, pulled up a pile of lobster and did the food for $45 a head. We also asked everyone to smuggle a couple bottles of bubbles in their luggage to drink on the night. Wine is crazy-expensive in Sri Lanka, although the cheapest beer, tequila, and limes in the world meant no one was going thirsty.
What was totally worth it
Trusting people. Hosting a wedding in a developing country is an exercise in letting go. We knew the venue had great food and service, so we gave them a rough brief and let them run with it. And they pulled out the stops. Blue-purple water lilies from down the back of the house were stashed in vases everywhere, and the table looked glorious—not something we’d have ever designed, but totally perfect for the location.
The staff made sure we had drinks all night, an even served our BYO nibbles for us before the ceremony—totally beyond the call of duty. Our non-bridesmaids did great things with our hair, with the music, and with the petal confetti, sort of on their own volition. Not micromanaging everything meant there were heaps of beautiful surprises throughout the day—it felt like we were at a party in our honour, rather than hosting one.
Corey Torpie was the first vendor we booked and holy crap, did that girl deliver. She even came to our pre-wedding drinkies with her awesome husband. It meant that shy guests (and brides) felt totally relaxed with her the next day.
Going to a tropical island far, far away. A little known fact about the WIC is that it can’t cross water. All those things that in New Zealand we had to have in order to feel married suddenly didn’t matter. Decorations? That’s what the frangipani trees are for. Need to be unique and special? Oh, well you’re in Sri Lanka, is that special enough for you? How about expensive dresses? Sure, let’s wear corsets and rhinestones in the heat. Flowers? If you can find some that won’t wilt. The guest list? Perfectly self-selecting, with the added bonus of it not feeling so goddamn miserable when some family members decline to attend due to religious convictions. If you consider the budget as honeymoon inclusive (four nights in five star accommodation in an exotic locale), it’s pretty cost effective too.
Getting a video done. There was something a little cringy for us about wedding videos but since one of our guests makes videos for a living, we figured we should record the adventure. It ended up being one of our favourite things.
Having drinks the day before. We had only just flown in that morning, and we thought we were all going to be ridiculously tired and shell shocked. It was our best friend’s initiative though, and since she runs an amazing restaurant in Auckland, we figured she knew what she was doing. Turns out she was totally right. We needed it to officially kick off the trip and to intro guests who didn’t know many people. It was perfect—by the end of the six days, people had made lifelong friends.
What was totally not worth it
Putting on a New Zealand-based party for the people who couldn’t make it. When we were deciding to run away to Sri Lanka we felt bad about the people who couldn’t come, and thought a New Zealand-based party was something we sort of had to do. But by the time we got back, we’d made peace with the idea that not everyone could come. And we suspect everyone else had too—we’d taken care to spend good one-on-one time with all those non-attendees anyway. We ended up having a potluck in another city, where most of our extended families live. We didn’t make a big deal about it so not many people came. It was fun, but hardly necessary.
Creating an info pack for guests to refer to. Why? Because they didn’t read it. After a few days of being expected to facilitate day trips, answer questions that were already answered in the pack, and correct misinformation that had unaccountably spread, we eventually appointed a “know it all”—she read the booklet, and did the answering for us.
A few things that helped us along the way
Our mates, seriously, we couldn’t have asked for a more delightfully supportive and mindful group of people. Obsessive self-analysis: endless conversations about why we were getting married, which helped us keep things in perspective.
Having been there before: we chose Sri Lanka because we’d already been there. We went on a Habitat for Humanity build trip and afterwards spent a few days at what would eventually be our venue. That we knew the venue, the staff, and the neighboring village, and had already navigated the country made the planning so much less stressful.
My best practical advice for my planning self
Be prepared that weddings throw up emotional gunk that you will have to deal with it. Keep detailed spreadsheets, share them in Dropbox. Don’t bother with seemingly ingenious digital RSVP tools—most people won’t use them, and you’ll end up having to manually contact everyone anyway.
Be an over-communicator. We thought we were pretty good at it but we kept majorly missing each other. Turns out we plan events differently—Helen makes snap decisions that she likes to voice but is quite comfortable changing. Keren likes to gather many, many options, and make careful and final decisions before sharing plans with anyone. A recipe for tears during wedding planning, but good lessons for married life.
Use a travel agent—can you imagine the carnage otherwise?
Favorite thing about the wedding
Helen: The ceremony our friend Rebs wrote and conducted for us. Funny, sincere, and deeply personal—it was the best bit of the whole day.
Keren: Sing-screaming “Time of My Life” and leaping off the pool steps while surprise-fireworks cracked overhead.
Both: Getting up before anyone else the next morning, blissfully hungover, eating chips, breaking out of the locked beach gate and raving at each other about our brilliant, handsome, talented friends who sang songs, played guitars, sent sock-puppets-placeholders of themselves, wrote speeches and ceremonies, and jumped into a (literally) last minute MC role and totally nailed it.
Anything else you’d like to add
We felt the role of community in a marriage was super, super crucial but found it quite hard to find readings or anything that really spoke to those feelings. Our dear pal and celebrant created something (sort of) from scratch that was perfect, so if anyone would like to see what she came up with (for inspiration, or outright plagiary) we’d be happy to share.
Budget breakdown, all converted to USD
Two guest houses, six nights: $8,575
Three return flights: $5,049
Dresses, beauty prep, make up: $1,000
Reception, two courses plus staff all night: $1,406
Bus, petrol, and driver, seven days in Sri Lanka: $800
Photographer (charged at cost): $2,000
Videographer and editing (friend rate): $400
Second Party in NZ for those who couldn’t come: $413.50
Spending money in Sri Lanka with meals: $400
Rings (wedding only): $1,000
Bubbles/wine to bring to Sri Lanka: $300
Travel insurance: $191
License and civil ceremony: $174
Dinner after civil ceremony: $261
Guest Contributed: $4,550