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My Boyfriend Had a Threesome and Now They Want Him to be a Groomsman

Best Friends Share

Q:  Dear Jareesa,

My boyfriend has had a very…. experienced sexual past. We’re both Christian and he has a lot of regrets about things he’s done. One of those includes engaging in a threesome with his best friend and his best friend’s girlfriend. His friend has now asked him to be a groomsmen in their wedding and I’m super uncomfortable with him participating in their wedding after the past the bride, groom, and my boyfriend share. Is it wrong for me to ask him not to be there?

—Anonymous

A: Dear anonymous,

Let me start by answering the question: yes, it’s wrong of you to ask him to not be in his best friend’s wedding.

Cool. Now that the question is out of the way, let’s get to the rest of it.

It can be difficult to deal with your partner’s past, especially if they have more experience than you. But the key word is past—it happened before you and has no bearing on your current relationship, right? It sounds like you’re still grappling with the knowledge that your boyfriend has been intimate with people that you probably see regularly.

Maybe you’re worried that guests will know about their past history, which is fair. But those are things you should be talking to your boyfriend about. You say that you don’t want your boyfriend to be involved in his best friend’s wedding, does that also mean you don’t want them to have a relationship at all? Weddings are pivotal moments, and I’m sure that it’s important to your boyfriend that he support his best friend in his wedding, and marriage. You asking him not to be involved in his friend wedding is teetering on the line of “I don’t want them to be friends anymore”. And that is a major line to cross, and one that can have serious ramifications for your relationship. Do you want that?

Before you talk to your boyfriend, take the time to do some introspection and figure out exactly why you’re having trouble dealing with his past. He can’t take it back, so your only path forward is to let it go—figure out if you can really do that. If you can’t, then you have a much bigger conversation ahead of you. But the conversation needs to be had, ASAP.

—Jareesa Tucker McClure

Got a question for Jareesa? Send it to nope [at] apracticalwedding [dot] com

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