… a question. Because god knows, *I* am not in grad school. Everyone around me is or has, but somehow… not me. So, please discuss:
Hi Meg,
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about something and it seems like its probably close to the hearts of many of those on your blog so I wondered if others had thoughts…
My boyfriend (I can’t say fiancee with a straight face even 6 months later) and I got engaged last August after mulling it over for awhile. We met while I was starting the fieldwork for my PhD in London, and got engaged about halfway through my writing up — which has been a somewhat fraught process (isn’t it always?). When we decided to get engaged we toyed with the idea of waiting to plan until after I’d submitted so that I wouldn’t get distracted… But as soon as the words were out of my mouth I sort of knew it was ridiculous, I’m an organizer and a researcher through and through and whether we were engaged for 10 months or 100 months I knew I’d start thinking about it straightaway (somewhat obsessively I admit).
That was last August. It’s now almost springtime and I’m still writing. He has a ‘real job’ with normal hours, accountability, and colleagues. Plus, even if he did have more flexibility I know he wouldn’t spent the time making bunting and tin-can lanterns as I have (though he does like the lanterns as they involve baked bean tins and a hammer and nail). On the other hand, I have basically nothing to structure my time, other than my own (very weak) willpower. I’m continuing to write but I fear I’ve already lost weeks if not months faffing around with wedding stuff while still in my PJs, promising myself I’d finish a chapter this week, no this week, no definitely THIS week. It’s not about making the wedding ‘perfect,’ we both have a very DIY/rough around the edges aesthetic anyways, but all the personal crafty touches actually seem to take up so much more time than the corporate ‘wedding B’ choices. The other day someone called me ‘the future Mrs. S’ and I responded, ‘I think you mean the future Dr. B’ – but in all honesty its seeming farther and farther away. I’m supposed to submit at the end of April and get married in June… I just wondered if others had advice and how they managed to rein themselves in to do good academic work and have fun with the wedding planning – because to be honest I do actually find it pretty fun, and a lot more fun than writing my doctorate!
It’s weird, this wedding thing. Do we like it? Do we like it TOO much? What does that mean? Or…. should we just enjoy it (while finishing our dissertations)?
All I can really offer is my firm conviction that you WILL get your dissertation done. And get married. And it will all be wonderful.
But you other actual grad students (or freelancers) discuss!
