Should We Hire a Bouncer to Keep Out Wedding Crashers?


Even if they are family friends?

by Liz Moorhead, Editor, Ask APW

Q: My fiancé and I both grew up in a church where our parents have lots of friends and there were all sorts of people that helped raise us or contributed to our childhoods in some way. The number of people that love us is large, but obviously, we can’t invite them all to the wedding. We simply do not have the money for a five hundred–person party.

Our guest list is already huge by my standards (over 230) and we’ve designed our reception (evening desserts and cocktails) specifically so that we can afford to invite more people. We want our wedding to be an opportunity to celebrate not just us and our decade-long relationship (we started in high school), but also all the family and friends that have helped us along the way. We’ve done the best we can to include as many people as possible, while still respecting our budget and our venue’s capacity limits.

However, it’s recently come up there may be people who show up uninvited. They love us, want to see us get married, and want to celebrate with us. And I appreciate that, I really do. BUT, I believe it’s rude to show up anywhere without having been invited, and I can’t help but feel that it’s selfish and disrespectful to do so.

We’ve discussed this situation a bit, and I think these are our options:

Passive: In our parents’ church community, it’s very common to have an open ceremony followed by an invitation-only reception in a different location, with a reminder that the reception is closed at the end of the ceremony. We could put on our wedding website something like “due to space restrictions, both ceremony and reception are by invitation only.” However, ours are in the same place, with no gap time, and I think that an announcement would be extremely tacky.

Active: We could have some sort of check-in, like writing personalized notes to each guest and having someone hand them out as they enter. But, someone would be tasked with the uncomfortable job of turning someone away, AND someone’s feelings would get hurt.

Doormat: We do nothing. We let however many uninvited people show up (five? ten? thirty?) for the ceremony, and have no control over who stays. They feel good, but I’m upset that they chose to come despite not having been invited.

I feel like I’ve already put in so much effort to accommodate and make people feel loved and appreciated, so for this potential—and in my mind, very disrespectful—situation to happen is extremely frustrating. Do I try to prevent it, or do I just let what happens happen?

—Anonymous

A: Dear Anonymous,

A little of both, probably! But it sort of depends on how this came up. Were you warned that specific people are planning to show up uninvited? Is it just a hypothetical issue? Will your parents’ congregation assume your ceremony is open to everyone, but it’s actually not? There’s a big difference between folks intentionally showing up fully knowing they’re not invited, and someone being confused a bit about what kind of event you’re having. How you handle it largely depends on what kind of crashers we’re dealing with.

If we’re talking about that last possibility, your parents can start letting people know now, by word of mouth, that you’re having a private ceremony. Then, plan on tacking that “reception is closed” announcement onto the end of the service. I know, I know, you think it’s in poor taste and frankly, I can see why. But you mentioned that this crowd is used to it, and they’re the ones you’re trying to appeal to. If the message is suited for the intended audience, then you’re fine.

On the other hand, if you know of specific folks who’ve said they don’t care that they’re not invited, they’re coming anyway, give those people a call and be straightforward. This scenario seems unlikely to me, but you know what, I don’t put anything past people any more.

Finally, if this is a hypothetical issue, go with the combo Passive/Doormat plan. Put the announcement on your website and then let it go. Whatever will be will be. That’s not being a doormat; it’s being a realist. You can’t control what anyone does, so put your little note out there, and then don’t stress about it. It sounds tough, I realize. But barring the above possibilities, it’s unlikely that you’ll end up with thirty wedding crashers. And a dessert reception can flex a smidge; it’s not like anyone will be out a plate of dinner. And every single time we run a question about wedding size, so many readers are happy to chime in that they didn’t even notice one or two randos mixed into their crowd of lovelies. That goes extra in a group of 230 (!).

It’s frustrating to have to think about this when you feel you’ve already done so much to make people feel involved. But, in the grand scheme of wedding problems (and trust me, I’ve seen some doozies), this could be much, much worse. You have what sounds like an amazing, huge community of people who love and support you. It’s not such a bad problem to have! Whether or not extra people show up, ehhh, you can’t really control (that goes for most wedding rudeness). But you can choose not to worry about it. That’s the part that’s up to you.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO ASK APW A QUESTION, PLEASE DON’T BE SHY!

Liz Moorhead

Liz is an illustrator and writer who paints custom stationery and types up impassioned opinions about weddings, etiquette, feminism and motherhood (usually while shaking a fist and mumbling expletives around mouthfuls of cheese fries). Her spare time is spent sipping bourbon with her husband and playing Don’t Throw That in the Toilet with her sons.

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  • Amy March

    I think this is a time to be pretty loud. Anyone who says they might crash should be told that isn’t allowed. Your parents should tell a loud outspoken gossip at church that the reception is private and crashers are not welcome. If the minister is doing announcements and your wedding is on the list, she should include a statement that the reception is private.

    • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

      My mom’s church will sometimes include an announcement in the bulletin that while she couldn’t invite everyone to the reception, anyone who wishes to attend the ceremony is welcome to attend Susie’s wedding in the sanctuary on Saturday. It seems a bit rude to announce that everyone is NOT welcome in the bulletin, but maybe if there’s a calendar of which rooms are booked for what spaces, “invitation only” could be added to the sanctuary being blocked out for Susie’s wedding?

      • JLily

        This makes sense to me. I grew up Catholic, and events in the sanctuary, including weddings and funerals, are technically open to the entire community. Most people respect the privacy of others, but I feel like you could very well distinguish between the ceremony and the invitation-only reception (which is private).

    • CHURCH GOSSIP. Spread the word to the flower guild and you’ll be golden.

      • jem

        This was my first thought, too…

  • Katy

    Great advise Liz!!
    All I can think about is the film “wedding crashers”. It always seemed such an unrealistic plot for me; someone showing up uninvited to the wedding. Still, here we are…
    If you know about specific people who will show up uninvited you be direct with them, say you love them (not so much right now) but you have a budget and a limited venue. I think you could also ask you mum / dad if they have a closer relationship with those people.
    Also, it would be very odd if there were thirty with the nerve of showing up there without invitation. Even you end up with a dozen wedding crashers, it won’t probably affect the reception that much, because where there is food for 230 there is food for 242. :)
    I know it’s very annoying, I am just trying to let you look on the bright side. If there is a thing I’ve learned with my wedding preparation (almost there) is that there is no point in worrying about things you cannot control.

    • Amandalikeshummus

      I just can’t imagine loving 30 extra people, when I’ve already invited 230 people I love. Maybe she does; but for me it would be like, “Okay, stranger, I have never met you before because everyone I met is invited. So don’t come.”

      • Anna

        Yes, but if the crashers are there, will you physically extract them? My husband & I had crashers, and we still ask each other, “How did they find out?” Then we laugh about it or cringe depending on the day. Try your best to get rid of the extra people before the wedding and possibly the day of, but you can’t let 30 tacky acquaintances ruin the day for you!

        • Amandalikeshummus

          If it was my wedding, I would honestly just ignore them.

        • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

          Depends how much of a dick they’re being. If they’re blending in and contributing good mojo to the party experience, I would entertain letting them stay. But we’re also having a sit-down, per-head meal at a restaurant, and I’m not sure I’d want to risk having to pay for their dumb asses.

  • theteenygirl

    First, that is so many people! I kind of want to crash your wedding just because it sounds like FUN! Dessert and cocktails? Sign me up!

    My coworker had a 25 guest wedding and five (5!) people drove two hours away to show up uninvited to her wedding – a seated, plated, formal dinner. They squished some tables and chairs together and told the kitchen to plate up 5 more meals (at $150 a plate!!) and made it work. So it does happen!

    I would use the grapevine to spread the word within the community and clear the air. You need some chatty aunties :)

    • Lexipedia

      This is outrageous.

    • sofar

      Just the sheer cluelessness (or vengefulness) involved in this situation has me floored.

    • Lisa

      Oh, my goodness. The nerve of some people.

    • Liz

      Wowwwwww

    • Katy

      Who were this people? Parents? siblings? Children? Best friend for all eternity?
      Other than that I can’t even imagine how someone remotely thinks it’s ok to do that (not saying it is, but I’ve met enough people to know it’s not impossible).

      • theteenygirl

        Haha right?? From what I understand they were all people who were acquaintances who were like, “we knew you were getting married so we came!” and didn’t realize it was a pretty quiet/private affair. I was totally shocked. She laughs it off now (12 years later) but still shakes her head that it actually happened.

        • Amy March

          I can’t believe they seated them.

          • theteenygirl

            I can’t believe they paid $750 to feed them.

          • Eenie

            That is insane. But also, the most gracious way to handle the situation. Props to your friend for taking it in stride!

          • Cathi

            I can’t believe the crashers weren’t completely embarrassed when they realized the error and didn’t immediately go have dinner elsewhere and offer to take the newlyweds to [insert after dinner venue for coffee/cocktails/ice cream] when they were finished.

          • Jess

            This seems like a situation where the venue should check in and be like, “These people weren’t on the seating chart?” and then turn them away to find food elsewhere.

          • Amandalikeshummus

            Yes, it seems like the only way not to make a scene would be for the professionals to handle it.

    • Jess

      Ok, so, we invited a couple who RSVP’d no on account of maybe not being able to travel (pregnancy/baby). They came to our ceremony, stayed for our cocktail hour, and then left before dinner.

      Like, I was *SO* happy they made it (literally looking out and seeing them made me cry) and was trying to find somebody to get word to them that we could maybe have two extra plates made up of food (we knew we had a couple extra seats), but they left before I could.

      Because they are kind, reasonable human beings who understood that even though they made it and I was happy to see them, adding extra plates is difficult and expensive.

      • theteenygirl

        That’s the politest way to “crash” a wedding. One of my BEST BEST friends can’t come to my wedding because he has a huge med school exam two days later (I literally tried to move my wedding date to accommodate so he could come but sadly, I could not) but similar to you.. if he managed to make it I would probably just break down in tears. I actually HOPE he crashes the day! Haha

      • Alli

        The mother of one of our groomsmen sort of crashed our wedding in a similar way. She was just so excited to see my husband get married (her son and my husband were best friends in middle school) that she asked right before the wedding if she could crash our ceremony. We tried to tell her to stick around for cocktail hour but she left immediately after.

        • Jess

          I know. I told them in our thank you note how happy I was to see them and to hear they stuck around for a bit of the cocktail hour.

          Like, obviously they had been invited so it was less of a “crash” but still!

    • mjh

      Five separate people did that? Wow.

  • Her Lindsayship

    I’d also like to add that people love to make this joke when you’re engaged? Or at least a number of people did for me – people I’m not particularly close with who thus knew they weren’t getting an invite would gush that they were so excited for me that they were just going to show up anyway! Two important notes about that: 1) No one actually did it. 2) It still wasn’t funny to me.

    I think Liz is right that to some extent you’ll have to let this go a bit, but I do totally understand why it’s frustrating. Sure, people may “just love you and want to celebrate with you”! It’s still RUDE af. Either way, come the day of your wedding, you actually probably won’t care.

    • toomanybooks

      Lol a family friend who I’m not a huge fan of but had to invite joked “I’m glad you invited us because if you didn’t, I would have crashed it!!” I was, indeed, glad that I had invited them. (But that’s because they really should have been invited.)

    • theteenygirl

      You know what gets me about this? That people are generally aware of how expensive weddings are, and then they’re upset when they’re not invited? Or they LOVE your idea of a small intimate wedding, but then when they aren’t invited to said small, intimate wedding they can’t understand why not?

      For example (I have a few examples…) I worked with a girl for a year after I graduated and we became friends, as the two youngest people in the office do, and would hang out semi-regularly but after that we fell out of touch. I hadn’t spoken to her in over a year when my other friend (is invited to the 25 person wedding) told me that this girl was upset that she wasn’t invited! To a 25 guest wedding! Luckily she’s not the type of person to drive two hours to crash a wedding..

      • Stephanie B.

        “Or they LOVE your idea of a small intimate wedding, but then when they
        aren’t invited to said small, intimate wedding they can’t understand why
        not?”

        Because everyone thinks that surely *they* are besties with the bride and groom and therefore OF COURSE *they* will be invited. People are clueless.

  • sofar

    This sounds like my in-laws’ church crowd. The millennial generation of their crowd is changing things up (invite-only ceremonies and receptions and capped guest lists at smaller venues), but it’s VERY hard for the parents’ generation to really understand and accept this.

    And, yes, while etiquette *is* on your side, it sounds like people you didn’t invite might assume they were invited (or maybe they KNOW they’re not invited and plan to show up in protest, but it’s hard to tell from the letter). Assuming good intentions and just general cluelessness, there may not be much you can do in advance.

    If they say to you, “We can’t wait for your wedding, so excited to celebrate with you,” you might pull them aside, nip it in the bud and say, “I’m so sorry, but here’s the situation…” Trusted family may also be able to help with this, but, honestly, I’d find it awkward to enforce someone else’s guest list. Everyone has that bitchy friend though, who may have no problem with this.

    A couple other things: People who RSVP yes may not show up, so the crashers may not violate the fire code. I doubt there will be 30 crashers, but if there are, at least it’s not a plated dinner! If you run out of food, your only solace is telling people, “You know we planned to have plenty but so many people showed up uninvited…”

    • Amy March

      It’s not bitchy to tell someone who assumes they can just attend a wedding uninvited “oh actually I think this one is invite only.” It is, generally, not “bitchy” to communicate clearly.

      • sofar

        I meant “bitchy” in a good way. More like “ballsy.” That’s how my friends and I use it.

        • Amy March

          Sometimes I feel so old.

          • sofar

            Story of my life: Nodding and smiling like I understand a word a Young Person used and then covertly looking it up on Urban Dictionary with my phone.

        • Amandalikeshummus

          Oh yeah, I have that friend. I think they grow them in certain regions. I would be so uncomfortable doing that job. But THAT friend would have no problems.

          Me: “Hi, Excuse me. Sorry to bother you; but I think you’re probably not really invited and should maybe perhaps find somewhere else to be. Here, take my bracelet, sorry.”

          THAT friend: “You need to leave. You’re not invited.”

          • sofar

            I have that friend and she is priceless. She asked what she could do to help for my wedding, and I asked, “Can you do my nails? And be the bitch if the groomsmen start acting like fools?”

        • gonzalesbeach

          this reminds me that oh 15+ years ago while travelling in a foreign country, I met these two other travelling girls who jokingly/lovingly called each other and everyone else – c**ts. and that was so not cool where I lived. words are interesting.

  • toomanybooks

    I like the advice for the parents to spread the word that this is a private ceremony but I bet the parents are like “OF COURSE THEY SHOULD COME TO THE WEDDING” or is that just me (I feel like parents always want to invite more people, and will even get bitter that you didn’t invite people they didn’t even ask about inviting, but ymmv)

    • Her Lindsayship

      My mom at one point told me that people were just going to come to the wedding or not, and I shouldn’t really expect them to RSVP. This was well after the RSVP deadline when I had enlisted her to help us get final answers – clearly not the right person for that job!

      • Amandalikeshummus

        Omg. If it were my mom I’d be like, “Mom, if you don’t want to do the job, just say so.”

        • Her Lindsayship

          I had to hold back my laser eyes for a hot sec, then replied, “nope, plan B, give me their phone numbers.”

      • Not Sarah

        My mom told me it wasn’t worth checking with people because if they hadn’t RSVP’d by the deadline they weren’t coming! We had six households RSVP yes after the deadline, so I think she was wrong…

  • Jess

    It sounds like an announcement is commonly done in this community, and thus, appropriate and not tacky. Guests from other communities where this is not done will likely have picked up on the “ceremony only” crowd or will once they see it’s a little smaller during snacks and cocktails.

    If you can add in a *little* gap, maybe doing a small receiving line near the exit while the rest of the group heads into the reception space (I’m guessing a parlor or gym type space within the church?) or something to say hello to the people who aren’t invited to the second part, that may help create a delineation?

    After that, let whatever happens, happen.

    I wouldn’t do a “you can come” handout or check-in – that feels needlessly exclusionary to me and would kind of be a buzzkill for both you and your guests (reception invitees and otherwise).

    • mjh

      I like the idea of adding in a receiving line or something like that.

    • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

      The “you can come” handout could easily backfire. What if someone who is invited forgets their ticket?

      • S

        I don’t think an invitation/ticket is what she meant by the check-in. I read it as a thoughtful “thanks so much for coming!” note thing that the bride and groom would write for each guest, and that would be handed to each guest as they entered. Functionally this would signal to anyone who was crashing that they weren’t invited and should leave, but it wouldn’t actually be rude or exclusionary to execute, as, well, how would the bride or groom know to write a letter to someone who they weren’t expecting to be there? It’s basically the same as not any spare favours for crashers to take home. That being said, even though I think it’s technically fine to do, I still wouldn’t do it. I think it’s way too much work and would be an extra task you’ve saddled yourself with out of (potentially misguided) fear. Getting over the fear/hang up about what people “should do” feels like it would be more productive than wallowing in it. And if you’re literally only doing it to stop crashers and not because you genuinely would love to write a personalised note to each guest…it feels a LITTLE high school-y.

        • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

          Ahhhhh, you’re right, I totally misread that.

  • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

    I actually did attend a wedding where bouncers were stationed in the back of the church in case a creepy stalker ex showed up, and I’m relieved this is not a similar situation. They just quietly sat in the back pew, and had a photo of the guy so they could identify him if he chose to show. Fortunately their services were not needed.

  • Amandalikeshummus

    Come to think of it, I’ve actually been invited TO crash two weddings, invited by the couple, that is. The first was a coworker who spread the word that anyone working at the store could crash if they wanted. I think it was a way for him to feel special, like, “I’m so popular that people not officially invited came to my wedding.” I thought it was rude, frankly. If you want me there, invite me. So I didn’t go. A bunch of others did, though. They had a great time, and the bouquet was in the back room come Monday.

    The second was more like a really casual affair in a city park. They invited my bf, and me by extension, to “crash” it. I don’t really know the details of their thinking; but they are very sweet guys, so it seemed something like, “Hey, J is such nice guy with a lot of civic pride. It would be cool if he came to the park the day we got married.” We had something else that weekend, but we were actually disappointed not to go.

    So, I guess all these crashing things can be cultural.

    • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

      I was invited to crash a wedding, but not by the couple getting married. My then-boyfriend’s family was invited as one of the groom’s guests. They invited me to go with them. I asked if they thought that was actually ok, and they told me they were sure it was. (I was a teenager at the time, and had never really been to a wedding, so what did I know.) So I go to this wedding, and it turns out the bride’s mom was a lady from church who invited a lot of church ladies, but NOT my mom, and it was this whole thing that hurt my mom’s feelings. So we go through the reception line, and the MOB recognizes me, gives me this quizzical look and goes, “So, who did you come with?” It was at this point that it hit me that I was officially uninvited, unwanted, and unwelcome here. I was so embarrassed that I squeaked out an answer so quietly that she had to ask me to repeat myself. The groom came over to the family before the reception and explained that it might be a little tight at the table, they had moved over another place setting and chair for us, because “we didn’t realize you were bringing a guest.” He was super gracious about it, but I would have preferred to crawl under said table. Fortunately we had a whole round table to ourselves, and we pretty much spent the whole time sitting together and not dancing and not talking to anybody else or having to explain that I wasn’t actually invited.0/10 stars, super awkward, would not recommend.

      • Amandalikeshummus

        Cringe. That sounds terrible. This is why I cannot imagine anyone wanting to risk any of that by crashing a wedding.

        • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

          I guess the other option is doing it intentionally, which is hella ballsey.

      • sofar

        I am cringing for you. Wow. Was your boyfriend’s family embarrassed, too, or did they not even realize this was a big deal?

        • PAJane aka Awesome Tits

          I remember them being kinda neutral about it? Like, “Oh, shrug, nothing we can do about it now.” They certainly weren’t busy apologizing or self-flagellating or anything. But they were also clueless or careless enough to think it was cool to bring me along to begin with, so.

  • Anna

    This happened to me because my husband’s family is Nigerian, and in Nigeria, everyone’s invited to a wedding. Some cousins that weren’t invited showed up (without gifts). Seriously – idk how they found out about the wedding! Fortunately, I found out the week of the wedding, and it was under 10 people. Here’s what I did to prepare: spread the word that uninvited guests won’t be allowed in due to space (even though they probably will). Have parents, friends, a pretend wedding planner (myself emailing as my sister) on guard to say, “Thanks for thinking of them! There is no space so only invited guests will be allowed in.” Most people will behave if they believe they won’t be allowed in. Have an alphabetized list of guests, and let the greeters at the door allow people in who have RSVP’ed. You’ll likely have space for your crashers because some RSVP’ed guests won’t show. So, have rules for your greeters that go like this: 10 minutes after the reception starts, if there are fewer than 15 extra people, allow them in based on space. “There is space for you, you may enter. Thanks for waiting.” This is the most likely case. If there is simply no space, and the fire marshal has arrived, have the greeters politely tell them that there is no space. This likely won’t happen. This was easier to do for us b/c we had a seating chart, so it was more like, “let me see if I can find you a seat.” If you can do this, people will understand better. Again, reduce the damage by spreading the word that extra people, plus 5’s, etc won’t be accommodated.

  • Emily

    We were worried we would have crashers–our reception was early (lunch time) but next door to the country club my parents were basically raised in. At the last minute I decided to plan an “after party” at said club and opened it up to family-friends, colleagues, etc so that we could include more people. We just threw a keg on the lawn and had snacks–it was really one of the best parts of the day and meant I could wear my dress ALL DAY LONG :)

  • mjh

    I don’t think LW would be wrong to go with any of these routes. I think there’s a certain amount of awkwardness with any of them, some more awkward for the couple and some more awkward for the guests, and deciding would be a matter of figuring out what type of awkwardness the couple could live with most.

    An addition to ante up the passive option could be having a sign up that guests would see on the way in that thanks them for their love and support, reiterates the venue limitations/invitees only please situation and says the couple apologizes for not being able to accommodate all of their loved ones. Def could use better wording, but something along those lines on a sign on the way in (in addition to spreading through word of mouth and putting it on the wedding website) might help get the point across.

    If I were in LW’s position, I’d personally go with a combination of passive and doormat that leans a little heavier on doormat, as sad as that sounds. I imagine I would try to spread the word as much as possible through the community (ie the church people who are in my corner) in all the time leading up to the wedding, and when the day comes I think I’d just take the (hopefully few) crashers in and try to do my best to seat and feed everyone.

    I don’t know if this was intended as an active vetting approach, but I was at a wedding recently which had an element that could have been intended as such. The ceremony and reception were in the same location (ceremony in the outdoor area adjacent to/accessed by walking through the indoor area which housed the reception). After the ceremony, there was a half hour scheduled for having some drinks (set up outside) and mingling before coming in to the reception area, and there was a coordinator posted up by the door leading into the reception area. We were instructed to each stop by that coordinator and give them our names to receive our seat assignments. This method could have worked out in another circumstance, but I think the fact that anyone who was there for the ceremony would need to walk through the reception space to get back out to the parking lot made it not work (if the goal were to avoid crashers).

    I, my husband and our friend (the sister of the groom) got our assignment, but by the time we made our way to our assigned table, the seats were all taken (seating became a bit of a free for all as everyone just grouped how the felt like grouping). We ended up grabbing seats at a half empty table while we tried to figure out if the couple wanted to get seating straightened out, and we ended up next to a family of four adults. I don’t know how this got started, but I guess they’d asked about their seat assignment and an usher (a ~14 year old boy) went to ask the bride to find out why they didn’t have one. He came back and told them that they didn’t have a seat assignment because they didn’t RSVP. It was incredibly awkward, as the older man in that family asked several times “because we didn’t what?” and the boy kept repeating “RSVP. You didn’t RSVP, so you don’t have seats.” I went to talk to talk to some relatives and when I came back, that family was gone and I didn’t see them again. It was super awkward. However, I don’t think any guests who weren’t at our table knew this occurred, so it was only awkward for a couple people.

    • JLily

      This is petty and I am going to hell, but I love that story. RSVP, or no seat for you!

  • monde

    Oof, we have some concerns about this. My mother’s family is like this
    culturally, and we won’t be having a wedding that’s local to them, which
    will cut down on potential crashers, but some of them might just…
    show. My aunt is generously hosting a reception for us in their city,
    which hopefully will mitigate the situation a little bit.

    Aaaaand
    two of Mr.’s cousins (very distant — his grandmother’s first cousins
    that each of us have only met twice) are already acting pretty entitled
    about receiving an invitation. We met them for the second time two weeks
    ago and they said during brunch that “we better be invited!” which is
    pretty aggressive. Truth be told, they’re on the list because Mr.’s
    family is so much smaller than mine and he has some feels about it, but
    after I heard that I almost vetoed them. Yikes.

  • Kate

    It may be too late for this, but I’ve attended several weddings were the time and location details were password protected on the wedding website. The password was included in the invitation. That way anyone could view the couple’s story and photos, etc, but only people who were invited would know when and where to show up.

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  • laddibugg

    “In our parents’ church community, it’s very common to have an open ceremony followed by an invitation-only reception in a different location, ”

    Folks already know what the deal is. Go with that instead of trying to reinvent the wheel. However the community lets folks know the reception is closed, do that.

    • Not just this, but if the wedding is behind held in the church, the couple might not have a say in barring people from the ceremony. I hear that some churches view weddings as celebrations for the entire church community.

  • mjh

    What’s up with the comments section? Is it somehow an issue on my end, or are all the comments from yesterday gone?

    • penguin

      I see the same thing you do, although the homepage on APW says there should be 67 comments here…

      • Katy

        Same here. Thought it was my problem.

        • mjh

          Not sure if I’m glad that it’s not just me :)

          I noticed it on the nyc honeymoon and fair and feminist household budget posts as well. I guess we’ll see if they come back.

        • Henri

          Me too :T

        • accidental_diva

          Same – I was trying to clear cookies to see if that helped… glad its not just me

      • I saw this with a different post (the NYC one) just now…
        ETA: And on the feminist budget one, which is supposed to have around 200 comments, but there are ver few visible…

    • I see 4 comments. I thought it was an unusually small number.

    • RNLindsay

      same! I wanted to catch up on yesterday and theres nothing here :(