Kayla & Josh

When I got Kyla’s wedding graduate post, I thought both that it was deceptively simple, and exactly right. So, just over a year later, here is Kyla meditating on what they reached for when planning their wedding, how they let their values shape the celebration, and how that feels a year later.

I’ve been thinking about how our wedding shaped our marriage, but first I want to go backwards to the summer of 2008 when my Uncle and Aunt got married and describe how their wedding shaped our marriage. During their outdoor ceremony, it began to rain, not just misting, but a steady downpour!  Despite this fact all 250 of their guests, because they loved the couple so much and because they were so happy the couple was getting married, sat in the rain and watched. The whole ceremony! In the rain!  Everyone was soaked!  Afterward I said, “I want to have a community where people are so happy and excited to see us get married that they will sit through a rainstorm to see our wedding.”

When we sat down to think about our wedding we wanted our wedding and our relationship to reflect who were at the time, but to also reflect our hopes and dreams for who we wanted to be as a couple in the future.  Who we were at the time is reflected in the whimsy, the colors, and the use of wood, the pie, and the pig roast.

Who we hoped to be was also there but it may or may not show in our photographs:  We hoped to find that community my aunt and uncle had. We hoped to honor other peoples’ time, creativity and dreams. We hoped to inspire and support the people around us.

One way we did this was that we delegated creative aspects of the wedding to our talented family members and giving them control over the project. (The invitations, the music, the decorations, etc.) We tried to give people who to be involved jobs that we 
thought they would love.

Our wedding was almost a year ago (August 1, 2009) and that is really how we tried to live 
our first year of marriage.

Photos: Mark Frohna Wedding Photography

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  • a hay ride? nice!

    i think community is important in weddings and in marriage. these are the people who will support us and i love it when they’re involved. such a nice way to honor them, kayla and josh!

    • ddayporter

      ditto, love the hayride! happy anniversary!!

  • Happy anniversary!

  • Your wedding looked like it was just fun! Congratulations!

  • Melaniedk (and the K ain’t changing)

    I think that my fiance and I feel lucky to have always felt like we had a lot of people supporting us, even if they aren’t super happy about all of our wedding decisions. Maybe, this is in part due to having given over some things wholeheartedly to others. I think that people are a little bit shocked when you lay out a couple of “please-don’t-s” and “maybe-we-coulds” and a couple of examples of what you had in mind, and then tell them that you trust their judgment, and let them roll with it. I’ve even had someone say that I was “brave” to let go of that kind of responsibility. Maybe it is that I am so glad to have friends and family offer services that I don’t want to give them too many rules about what they do, or maybe we’re lazy, but I think at least part of it has to do with us wanting people to feel involved in our union. In any case I think that being part of a community, and getting the warm fuzzies that come with that, has to do with trusting others…and we do, even if it means we might not get something that is exactly what we envisioned (like that would happen even if we did it all ourselves!). I think, in the end, it will make it even more of a kick-a** party, which, other than getting official, is our #1 priority!

    • Melaniedk (and the K ain’t changing)


  • Alyssa

    I must chime in with my usual “How adorable, squee!!!” because Kayla IS, and because she had a fun tent, a short dress AND a hayride. All of those automatically equal awesome in my mind.

    But I also love what she wrote about her aunt’s wedding. It’s a definitely wonderful moment, but then I started to think about what would have happened at my wedding had that happened. I probably would have been dragged inside, laughing my butt off, by my horrified man of honor who would have been screaming about ruined pictures and melted makeup, as my assorted family and friends scattered.
    I’m not saying that as a slight against my wedding, but to reiterate what a gift it was to have that kind of “nope, we’re staying right here and watching you guys” group mentality at a wedding. And I think it’s also amazing that Kayla and Josh tried to achieve that with theirs, haveing that mindset from the get-go guarentees that whatever you end up with will be special.

    Happy Anniversary, Kayla and Josh!!

  • ElfPuddle

    Happy, Happy Anniversary!

    Here’s hoping the rest of your marriage has the same sense of love I see in your post & pics!

  • Happy Anniversary! Cheers to many, many more~

  • Liz

    this wedding looks like a BLAST. and again, a bride with glasses? i love it.

    i also love that you mention that you wanted your friends to ENJOY whatever part they had in the wedding. some of us indie-wedding gals can get so gung-ho “community” that we start throwing around jobs at people who would rather not be bothered.

    awesome wedding. awesome spirit.

  • cheryl

    i particularly love the story of your aunt’s wedding because that’s what happened at our wedding this past weekend! it was an extraordinary feeling. absolutely overwhelming.

  • Ryan

    Well, imagine my surprise! I want a hayride! I wonder if I can convince Nadia of that? Your wedding pictures are beautiful, Kayla. :)