It’s Friday! Hooray hooray! And that means it’s Ask Team Practical with Alyssa. Today she’s handling a grab bag of unusual questions. Is it weird/creepy to invite your doctor to your wedding? How sad should you be if your photographer doesn’t blog your wedding? And can you ditch your non-dancing husband to dance at your reception? So let’s do this thing. And happy Friday.
Should I invite my Gastroenterologist to my wedding?
A little background information: I have Crohn’s disease and over the past two years have had regular visits with my doc due to a multitude of complications. He started treating me when I was between jobs and uninsured… for free… and has really done so much for me. Plus, he’s a really fun guy. He always tells me I’m his favorite patient (shhh) because A) we’re both redheads, and B) he got the royal treatment when he and his family went to eat at the restaurant where my fiance was Sous Chef.
I’ve been doing much better in recent months, so I haven’t seen him since I got engaged (although he often gave my boyfriend a friendly nudge about popping the question). My fiance knows and loves him. He was present when the doc offered to treat me for free and that was one of the few times in seven years that I’ve seen him cry. In fact, this doctor induced tears from my mother as well (not as hard to do) for his sweetness. I should also throw in the fact that I live in a city with a critical shortage of quality doctors and I know he has a huge patient load, which means that he stays very busy and that he’s that much more saintly for taking on my case when he did.
So, I need your opinion. Would it be appropriate to invite him and his family to the wedding, even though we don’t really have a social relationship? And if so, should I send the invite to his office, or try to find out his home address?
First off, our thoughts go out to you because Crohn’s disease is hard. But we’re also happy that you’ve got such a great doctor and are doing better! Hooray!
And second, YES, OF COURSE INVITE HIM! He sounds lovely, and at your wedding you deserve to be around people who are lovely and care about you. Send the invite to his office and if you still feel odd about it, include a personal note with the invite. Let him know that you know it’s unusual and he should not feel obligated to come, but you and your partner would be honored if he did because of all he’s done for you. Even if he doesn’t come, I know he’d be honored that he was invited, especially since he was invested in you enough to give your partner a friendly nudge. Your wedding is not an imposition, and neither is an invitation to it. Plus, now you’ll be his favorite patient for three reasons! And everyone loves to know that their work has made a difference in someone’s life. Seriously.
Our wedding photographers. We loved them. They were creative, courteous, worked seamlessly with our crazy timeline and slightly less crazy families, and captured some heart-stoppingly gorgeous pictures. And reacted with the highest level of professionalism when we found out that some images of the day had been lost. So why am I writing this when they were so fabulous? I feel silly for even saying it, but I’m finding myself strangely hung up on the fact that our photographers didn’t blog about our wedding. There. I said the thing you are not supposed to say, the thing that probably makes me sound like a horrible narcissist.
It’s not that I need the affirmation that we had a great wedding or that we were cool clients – I know we did and we were. It’s just that I find all the insecurities I had about the “blog-worthy wedding” during my engagement bubbling back up to the surface every time another wedding gets posted by our photographers. I find myself wondering “were we not hip enough? Pretty enough? Is it because we aren’t the right race?” And the part of me that is a total people-pleaser whines, “Why didn’t they *like* us and want to be total besties afterward?”
-Obsessively Hoping Studio’s Not Avoiding Pictures
Honey. I feel you, I really do. But I’m going to have to use some tough love here and say, “Get over it.” And I say that with deep affection.
There are a thousand reasons that your photographer didn’t feature you on their blog, and none of them will make you feel any better. What happens if you ask them and they give you an honest answer? What if it is because they don’t feel it’s their best work or that they didn’t get any really amazing shots? You loved your pictures, that’s what matters. What if they say that they already used a couple that looked like you on their blog recently? Then you’ll feel that you were cookie-cutter and interchangeable with another couple in the same shade as your lovely selves. What if you WEREN’T pretty enough? Okay, if that’s the case, call me and I’ll help you punch them in the face. Because you’re beautiful.
Asking will either elicit an answer you don’t want to hear OR a made-up answer that they think will make you feel better but will just make the whole situation awkward. Be confident in your amazing wedding and know that just because you weren’t on the blog doesn’t mean they didn’t love you or want to be your best friend. For all you know, they could gaze lovingly at your photos and sigh about how fun and amazing a couple you were and they just don’t want to share you with the world. (I know, creepy. This is why you don’t want to know!!)
But don’t let this bother you anymore. Give yourself two more days to pout about it, and then release it to the universe. You’ll feel better for it.
And photographers? How about you consider all of your couples blog-worthy? Yeah? You know, if they’re into that? (And read this manifesto over here.)
Hubs is totally afraid of dancing. As in, I can’t even get him to dance with me in our own kitchen with the curtains drawn. The man Will. Not. Dance. Since the idea of doing a first-dance or a father-daughter-dance makes me want to hurl I was totally fine with planning a no-dancing reception. When I announced this to various friends I got horrified why-did-you-kick-that-puppy?! looks. You see, my friends, they like to dance. The truth is that I actually like to dance too — not in a waltzy-shmaltzy kind of way, but in a pop-music-makes-me-do-a-white-girl-boogie sort of way. So I said, “Okay, bring your ipods, you can hook ’em up after the food part is over and get your groove thing on.”
But. Can I dance too?
Won’t it be totally bizarre if I’m out there jumping around and doing the vegan shopping cart (have you seen this one? It’s a good one.) but Hubs never makes an appearance on the dance grass? Would it be bad etiquette/make me look like a selfish bride to dance without him? If I’m partying with my friends and he’s sitting quietly by the horseshoe pit is that mean of me? He says he won’t care, and he’s a big boy so I take him at his word but still — should I keep my flashdance moves in check out of solidarity?
What sayeth you wise APW Team Captains?
Should He Abstain, Kosher if Eventually I Take my Booty And Boogie, Yes?
You can shimmy and shout your entire way through your reception. I’m not saying that you abandon your honey, but you definitely should dance. He’s given his permission for you to dance, your friends want to dance with you, YOU want to dance, so what’s the hubbub, bub? When are you going to get the chance to be that blissed out and get to shake it but don’t break it with that many people you love again?
Although, I do have to say the “bring your iPods or whatever” suggestion is probably not the best one. Your friends might mean well, but unless it’s someone you can trust to craft a fun dance mix, you should have a hand in this. While you want things to stay fun, spontaneous and laid-back, you also don’t want the party to be brought to a grinding halt because someone forgot their trance mix of NIN’s Closer was on the playlist… Enlist your friends and have them send you song ideas and put together your own iPod list. Then throw it on random and dance your boobs off. Your hubs and Team Practical said it was okay.
And besides. Isn’t that what marriage is about anyway? Finding a way to be who we are while our partner does their own thing, and we love each other just the same? Yup. I thought so.
If you would like to ask Team Practical a question please don’t be shy! You can email Alyssa at: askteampractical [at] apracticalwedding [dot] com. If you would prefer to not be named, anonymous questions are also accepted. Though we prefer if you make up a totally ridiculous sign-off like conflicted and rageful but deeply in love in Detroit (CARBDILID, duh). Seriously. We love sign-offs. Make your editors happy.