This month, for a reason I can’t even begin to explain, I started re-watching episodes of Say Yes To The Dress. (Damn YouTube and its many, many rabbit holes.) It’s a strangely compelling show to watch. So much beading and unspoken tension! It makes for great TV. But in real life? It just reminds me how frustrating it is to shop for a very expensive dress that is unlike any other dress you’ve (likely) ever worn in your life. It’s like if someone dropped you off at a Honda dealership but forgot to explain to how cars work.
And that’s true for pretty much everybody. But when you wear a plus size, wedding dress shopping takes on an extra stressful layer of complication. Last year, our team spent a lot of time with plus size brides. We surveyed. We interviewed. We clipped people into dresses. And it became clear to me that there are two distinct issues in plus size wedding dress shopping. There are the external factors, like, “Do the salons in my area even carry plus size sample dresses?” Which obviously make the process, well, a f*cking process. But then there are the internal factors. We worked with so many women last year who, because of the way the wedding industry marginalizes plus size bodies, had never even considered that one day they would be able put a wedding dress on their back. Which meant that when it came time to find something to wear, they felt more anxiety than joy. And the combination of the anxiety with the lack of access means that I think a lot of plus size women are ending up with dresses they don’t love. And I really want that to not be the case anymore.
So today we’ve partnered up with Casablanca Bridal to bring you a series of plus size dress shopping tips that I hope will empower you on your wedding dress shopping journey. Beloved by Casablanca is Casablanca Bridal’s very affordable sister brand, with dresses ranging from $650 to $1,100 (what’s even better is that all their dresses are fully customizable). And they have an amazing program that allows stores to rent gowns from them for you to try on. Which means that if your local dress shop carries Beloved by Casablanca, but doesn’t have any plus size samples for you to try on (a huge issue with bridal salons), Beloved by Casablanca will hook you up through their Gown on Loan program. Which is ah-ma-zing. So now that you know that, I give you your official dress shopping bill of rights:
You have a right to feel sexy: I’ve been plus or plus-adjacent for the majority of my adult life, so I know all about the pressure to pick what’s most flattering. But flattering is often just code for make yourself smaller. Less seen. More manageable. And it almost always means show less skin. But screw that. Barring religious institutions where everyone’s shoulders are considered scandalous, there’s nothing about your plus size body that is less deserving of sex appeal than your straight size counterparts. For example, I love this super sexy Kira gown from Beloved by Casablanca. The plunging V-neck! The see-through panels! It breaks all the rules, in all the right ways. (Though if, like, me you’re all yes, give me the cleavage, but could we spare the spaghetti straps? Don’t worry. With Beloved by Casablanca, just about every style is customizable. So you can have your sex appeal and still feel your shoulders at the end of the night too.)
You don’t have to make yourself smaller: Because plus size women can basically never win, flattering means don’t show too much skin, but it also means don’t you dare take up any more room. So I love when I see plus size brides saying screw it, and going for the big skirt, with all the embellishments, like this bohemian-meets-princess gown from Beloved by Casablanca.
Also, check that back. Wa-bam. In short, it’s not your job to shrink yourself to earn the role of bride.
There is no singular plus size style: The limitations of plus size bridal can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If salons only carry a few different styles in store, then customers assume the limited selection is all that’s available. Brides then buy the handful of dresses they can get their hands on. And when those photos hit the internet, it influences how the next generation of women go shopping. The next thing you know, we’re all operating under the assumption that there are only a handful of plus size styles in existence. But the reality is, the majority of major wedding dress designers create gowns in a full size range (Beloved by Casablanca gowns are available up to a size 32). Which means that there is definitely no rule about what a plus size gown should look like. If you want bohemian and romantic, do it. If you like sleek and slinky, make it yours.
You deserve allies: Often, when you’re wedding dress shopping, you are at the mercy of whoever is on the other side of the sale. Which means you never know when someone else is going to be projecting their body image issues onto you. But that doesn’t mean you have to take it. Give yourself permission to shop only at stores that carry plus size samples. (You can find a list of all of Beloved by Casablanca’s retailers right here. You can call in advance to find out which locations keep plus size samples in store.) And if you find yourself working with someone who doesn’t feel like they are on your team, ask for a different associate or, heck, go somewhere else. It’s not your job to make them feel comfortable; it’s their job to make you feel like a rockstar.
Bonus pro-tip: You never know who is going to be your wingwoman and who’s going to disappoint you. I’ve seen size-two sales women be the most incredible advocates for plus size brides. And I’ve heard horror stories from friends who experienced fat shaming at what were supposed to be plus size exclusive salons. The bottom line? If it feels bad, it probably is. And you don’t have to stick around for that.
You get to ask for what you want: Most of the time in bridal, plus size dresses are upscaled version of straight size dresses. Which means they aren’t always considerate of things like… boobs. But you don’t have to settle for that. As I mentioned above, Beloved by Casablanca offers nearly unlimited customization options, which means you can create a dress that is right for you. Not interested in a strapless look? I’m super digging the off-shoulder vibe of the Jules dress above.
You also have the right to ask for what you want in the salon. If I’ve learned anything from my Say Yes To The Dress binge, it’s that women are often powerless in a showroom. You’re at the mercy of the store associates and what they think might look good on you. But every good dress shopping experience I’ve had has begun with me poking around the racks and pulling things myself. So don’t be afraid to ask to get your hands dirty. Or to try on twenty dresses. Getting what you want starts with asking for what you need.
You have a right to sleeves: I mean, this goes without saying, but you have a right to mother-effing sleeves! Because sleeves are wonderful. Full stop. This slightly hippie/bohemian romantic lace number is pretty much all my wedding dress dreams come true.
Give it to me.
When I think about my own wedding dress shopping experience, my only regret is that I didn’t give myself permission to care about my dress as much as I actually did. I think it was because I so afraid of feeling rejected by the fashion industry (even at a curvy size eight at the time) that I didn’t want to let myself get my hopes up. Fear is a terrible shopping partner, y’all. And I want better for you. So even though the wedding industry has a long way to go before it can claim to be plus-size friendly, in the meantime you are not beholden to its limited worldview.
Or, to put it more succinctly, saying yes to the dress does not mean you have to say no to yourself.
This post was sponsored by Beloved by Casablanca Bridal. Beloved is Casablanca Bridal’s super affordable sister collection, with gowns priced between $650 and $1,100. All Beloved by Casablanca gowns are available in sizes 2 to 32 and are fully customizable at just as affordable a rate. Click here to see a full list of retailers where you can find Beloved gowns near you.
