10 Tips To Consider Before Planning A Cocktail Wedding Reception


The surprising pros and cons of passing on a seated dinner

by Stephanie Kaloi, Content Manager

Lots of wine in a bucket with overturned wine glasses and the text "10 tips for a cocktail wedding reception"

When you’re planning a huge event for the first time (like, say, a wedding), it’s tempting to throw the rule book out for the sake of ease. Why have a big shindig when you can elope?! Why do a sit down dinner when you can have a cocktail wedding reception?! The only trouble with throwing the rule book out? You’re also throwing out all the hard-earned knowledge and experience that comes with the rule book, and instead learning by the seat of your pants. More and more couples are turning to cocktail wedding receptions each year as an alternative to the traditional sit down reception dinner—for both financial and logistical reasons. But are cocktail wedding receptions really cheaper and easier than a traditional sit down dinner? Well, a few weeks ago we opened up the APW floor to discuss just that.  And today we’re compiling all of the most important things you guys have learned (which was a lot). So without further ado, here are ten things to keep in mind when you’re considering hosting a cool laid-back cocktail reception for your wedding:

What To Know About Cocktail Wedding Receptions

1.tell your guests what to expect

This one is first because it’s simultaneously the least and most obvious (and definitely very important) aspect of planning a cocktail reception: your guests need to know. This can be as simple as stating “cocktail reception and cake to follow” on your invites, but if you know a lot of people prone to getting hangry, you may want to gently remind them that they won’t be getting dinner at your reception. As someone who is definitely prone to getting hangry, I thank you.

2. app stations are a good idea

So maybe it sounds like having servers carry around trays of delicious food is a good idea, but if the trays of food are the ONLY food at your party, then it… might not work out. Basically whenever a tray is presented the server will probably be immediately besieged by guests who are looking for food, and most of your appetizers will never make it much further than the kitchen door. Setting up app stations allows guests to get food as they please.

3. mix up your seating options

You’ll want to have a mixture of hi-top cocktail style tables and regular tables and chairs. Generally speaking, grandparents will almost always want to sit and your friends will pretty much always be cool with standing, but you never know for sure (also: heels). But it’s important to consider mobility issues/comfort requirements beyond those of your elderly guests (which can be accomplished by including a line on the RSVP requesting exactly that information). In any case, make sure there is enough seating for guests to rotate through. Even twenty-somethings get tired feet.

4. realize you might not actually save money

Adequately feeding a crowd is never cheap, and this is across the board. As a handful of APW readers revealed, it turns out that heavy apps could cost twice as much as a seated dinner, depending on where and when you’re getting married. One big price point? You’ll probably have to supply everything the caterers would usually bring—think linens, napkins, and so on—and that can add up quickly.

5. consider a non-traditional start time

A 2pm reception will tell people that they should plan to have lunch before arriving, eat a few snacks while there, and that they’ll be out in plenty of time for dinner. Hosting your reception at 7pm gives people the option to have a light dinner ahead of time without stuffing themselves, since they can count on appetizers and cake at the party. Anytime between 4 and 6 enters the fuzzy area: some people really do eat dinner at 5pm (I’m one of them), and not offering dinner during that time span will probably ruffle feathers.

6. Make sure you have a back-up plan

Apps go super, super quickly, especially when they’re mega delicious. It might be a good idea to have a back-up plan (tip: pizza is almost always a crowd pleaser). You may not end up needing to activate your backup plan, but if you know someone who is willing to spring for some slices (or if you yourself are), it’ll be good to have that information ahead of time for your own sanity.

7. Your guests might get bored

The biggest danger with a cocktail reception is that it’s really easy for it to feel like a cocktail hour that just… never ends. This doesn’t mean you need to have event after event after event to keep everyone happy, but it might be a good idea to have the reception schedule clearly displayed so people can see it and refer back if they forget when something is about to happen. A great DJ will also be on top of this.

8. Pro: your reception will be super intimate

If you’re into actually being able to speak to most of your wedding guests for more than a few minutes, a cocktail reception is ideal. Your guests won’t be spread out around a huge room waiting for their dinner—it’s very likely you’ll all be milling around the same space, hanging at app stations, and generally getting a lot of time to catch up with friends you haven’t seen in decades and hug the family members you really want to squeeze.

9. your booze costs will probably be low

This is another schedule dependent point, but super relevant. If you’re hosting a mid-afternoon cocktail reception, people are less likely to be drinking as much as they would for as long as they would at a full-day event or a late evening party.

10. make sure you get to eat 

Appetizers tend to fly, and you might be surprised to find that after you’ve greeted everyone who wants to speak with you and taken photos with your photographer that there’s not a whole lot left for you to choose from… if anything. Make sure there’s a coordinator/planner/stage manager or a friend who can put aside plates for the two of you. And speaking from experience: bonus points will be handed out if someone makes sure there’s a plate for the photographer too (because they go wherever you go, which means that they miss out on whatever food offerings you miss out on).

Stephanie Kaloi

Stephanie is a photographer, writer, and Ravenclaw living in California with her family. She is super into reading, road trips, and adopting animals on a whim. Forewarning: all correspondence will probably include a lot of punctuation and emoji (!!! 😊 🎉 🎉).

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  • llamaladies

    Thoughts on cocktail receptions when the vast majority of guests are from out of town? Food turned out to be surprisingly low on our priorities list (we are very visual people), our people aren’t heavy drinkers, our budget’s pretty low given the area, and I think a light cocktail reception + dance party could be lovely… but some 95% of our guest list would be flying across countries/oceans to get to it, and I can’t shake the feeling that we’re “supposed to” feed them.

    • Amy March

      I think its a very unpopular opinion here, but if nearly everyone is flying across a country or ocean (spending a lot of money to celebrate you), I do think you should feed them (prioritizing your funds on hospitality). There are definitely all sorts of reasons not to of course, and ways to make it work (for instance, if you’re thinking not a meal and dancing, having it start at 8 so they can all get dinner beforehand would be helpful), but I do think people will expect to be fed a meal, and when you’re planning you need to consider whether you care about meeting that expectation (maybe you totally don’t!), what it will mean to you if people don’t come because of it (maybe you don’t actually value those people’s attendance, and they’re more of an obligation, and you’re fine with this), and whether it works for guests important to you (does Grandma need a meal? do you need to be the one to give it to her?).

      I just think if I flew to a wedding across an ocean, and it was visually stunning with gorgeous flowers, and a fabulous venue, and it looked like the photographer was fantastic, and the bride(s) was wearing a designer gown (idk what your visual priorities actually are), and I got some light snacks, I’d think that couple had made a value judgment that “pretty” was more important to them than hosting me. And maybe it is, but that judgment isn’t made in a vacuum and it is going to have an impact on how I feel about the occasion and the level to which I want to commit to that relationship going forward.

      • llamaladies

        Thank you for this unpopular opinion, it was definitely helpful. I think we’re really just still grappling with the fact that what we want (something along the lines of private ceremony with pizza-ish/food truck/dance party in an architecturally interesting place, because design’s part of why we fell in love, at a later point in time), what we/my parents can afford in this area (public park potluck?) and what the obligatory zillion family members expect (sit down dinner for 200 at a country club) just don’t really match up. And I don’t know how much to care about expectations or how to help them match up.

        • tr

          Honestly, as a guest, I’d prefer a good food truck over crummy catering hall baked chicken any day! The key is, make sure everyone is fed.
          Also, two tips: (1) Let people know what to expect, and (2) Keep the “prettiness” in line with the overall feel.
          For the first part, location can actually go a very long way! I know you don’t dream of a reception in a public park, but as a guest, that does a wonderful job of telling me what to expect. I know there won’t be lobster. I know there won’t be an open bar. And that won’t bother me one bit…because I knew what to expect going into things, and I planned accordingly! If the location doesn’t make it obvious, make sure the invitations and wedding website reflect the feel. You might even add a “What to expect” section on the website (as the world’s least spontaneous person, I love those, because I am all about knowing what to expect).
          For the second part, no matter where you have the reception and what type of food you serve, you can totally make things pretty. Pretty is awesome! It just has to be the right kind of pretty for the occasion, because as Amy said, it leaves a sour taste in people’s mouths when the meal consists of pizza and water, but there are $400 centerpieces galore. If you go with a casual, low budget meal, skip the $2,000 gown and Eiffel tower centerpieces. Paper lanterns, twinkle lights, and casual centerpieces can be downright magical, but they won’t leave guests grumbling about where the money was spent.

    • Courtney Kelsch Ward

      I’ve got to agree with Amy March on this one. Food can certainly be low on your priorities list (hello, pizza party!), but making your guests feel taken care of probably should not be low on that list. If most of your guests are travelling from far away, the least you can do is give them a meal. It doesn’t have to be a fancy meal, but something a little more substantial will probably be much appreciated by guests who have traveled to celebrate with you.

    • TeaforTwo

      Two things:
      1. When I was planning my wedding, I couldn’t shake that feeling, either. (We wound up serving a full meal that wasn’t dinner.)
      2. That said, a year or two before our wedding, I flew to an evening wedding with a cake and cocktail reception, and didn’t give a thought to the fact that there wasn’t dinner. There was a wedding, and a raging dance party, and a long weekend away in a fun city. I had dinner beforehand with the rest of my family, and then we went to the wedding, and it was great.

      I understand the hospitality impulse, but realistically: If someone is flying in for a wedding, that’s the big expense. (And hotel, and time off work, and and and.) Buying dinner on top of that isn’t going to be a deciding factor.

      If anything, I would say prioritize TIME with your guests. If people are flying across an ocean to come to your wedding, try to make sure you actually get to see them with a welcome reception, brunch the next morning, etc. (These can be cheap! They can be BBQs at your parents’ house, or “meet us at this pub” everyone pays for themselves. I went to a morning-after breakfast at an aunt’s house that was just bagels and coffee, and it was great.) That time will make people feel like the trip was more “worth it” than any caterer could do.

      • TeaforTwo

        But actually: just ask your mama.

        I don’t know how many of your guests will be stressed out about there not being dinner at the wedding, but your parents and in-laws may have better insight into your crowd. Plus, it may stress them out to the max to be having their relations fly in from all over and not be fed, which may or may not be worth it.

        • RoseTyler

          I love your suggestion to ask your parents and/or in-laws. They should have a good view of the culture that many of the extended family are coming from and what expectations might be. You and your partner will likely have a better feel for your friends and peers of course.

          • joanna b.n.

            And be specific when you ask them! Not just, we’re thinking lighter food and cocktail style for the reception, think that’ll fly, folks? But, we’re doing something from 2-6pm with these appetizers, etc. etc. … so they can think it through with you. Since it will most likely (unless you’re the cake and punch set) be different than they’re used to!

      • Another Meg

        I love the idea of prioritizing time when so many guests are from out of town. Time would mean much more to me than a full meal.

      • llamaladies

        Thank you! This is really helpful and definitely something we’ll keep in mind – I love the suggestion of prioritizing time :). We’re mostly dealing with the fact that what we want (low key but classy backyard party in an interesting place), the expectations of likely guests, my mama included, and our budget super do not match. On anything. And I guess we have to suck it up and decide at some point whether we scrap expectations or ignore the things that would feel more comfortable for us.

    • chrissyc

      Serving enough food is huge to hospitality, but I would argue that “enough” is dependent on the circumstances. I think light refreshments can be plenty, provided a few things that have already been mentioned:
      (1) the wedding and reception time-frame does not include traditional mealtimes and doesn’t run too long,
      and (2) guests are well-informed of the style of the reception, if possible before they book travel plans.

      I’ll add:
      (3) the food is on par with the formality and “vibe” of the wedding. For example, I attended a lovely wedding where the only food served at the reception was cake and punch. It matched the overall feel of the wedding and was an awesome event, BUT I would have been annoyed to only receive cake if the couple had spent tens of thousands of dollars on flowers, decor, the venue, a limo, the wedding dress, the invitations, etc., but not the guests.

      I think above all else, guests should feel like a priority in comparison to the other elements of the wedding, and a major part of that is serving food appropriate for the time of day and formality of the wedding. With these in mind though, I don’t think it’s a bad idea to serve light refreshments, even with lots of out-of-town guests.

      • tr

        You summed it up perfectly!
        I kid you not, I once went to a wedding with a cash bar where the bride had not one but two huge designer gowns ballgowns! In addition, she arrived in a stretch limo, left on a horse drawn carriage, hired a professional lighting crew, and had centerpieces that belonged on an episode of Platinum Weddings.
        But she couldn’t afford a keg for her guests.
        I attended another wedding where the meal was catered by Fazzoli’s, and the food was served on paper plates. It was an absolutely lovely, intimate wedding and I came away honored to have been a part of it all.

  • Raleigh Wren

    i expect food and a designated place to sit when I go to a wedding. It has been my experience that appetizers can cost as much as, or more than a full meal. The downside to the full meal is that it leaves few choices for the guests, whereas appetizers can add some variety. Another thing to consider would be how much space you have for tables and chairs. You get less people per table if you are serving a full dinner due to the space needed for the place setting. This means you will need more tables and chairs if you choose to go with a dinner. If you do not serve food at your wedding, this will be one of the memories you create for your guests that they will not forget.

    • Rebekah

      Raleigh, I understand where you are coming from, but the way you’ve worded it sounds a little harsh. I’ve been puttering around this site for a few years now, and many of the people who post have encouraged everyone to go to a wedding out of joy, support, and celebration for the couple, leaving expectations at home. If the wedding and reception take place during a normal meal time, yes, I think it would be normal to expect food to be provided, but I think that being disgruntled or even angry at not being fed would detract from the purpose of the event, which is the commitment of two people to one another.
      One of the posts I remember most is from a long time ago, when they mapped out how to have a San Francisco wedding for under $10,000, and all they served at the reception was lemonade and warm chocolate chip cookies. That sounded divine to me.
      I hope you’re able to enjoy all the weddings you attend in the future, whether they have food or not.

      • CMT

        That’s all true, but I do think she’s echoing how most people would feel. There are certain expectations people have about weddings, whether or not they’re fair. Which makes the first point in this post really important.

        • RoseTyler

          It’s also important to remember just how cultural this is. What I always was raised to expect was the ‘traditional’ (for our world) cake & punch in the church reception hall reception. I understand this is not so traditional in many social circles, but my small-town, uber-religious community this has always been the norm.

      • tr

        Communication is key on this one.
        Would lemonade and chocolate chip cookies be divine if it was my best friend’s wedding? Of course, because it’s my best friend. Her wedding is inherently magical.
        On the other hand, if you’re my third cousin who I’ve seen once in the last ten years, and I’ve had to fly across the country to come to your wedding, you better tell me beforehand that there won’t be a meal.

  • M.

    I’d like to point out that you don’t really need “back up food” if you plan properly to feed everyone. Apps doesn’t have to mean less food. We did “heavy apps” at stations, plus snacks before we arrived to the (1:30pm ish) cocktail-style lunch reception, and dessert + coffee. We followed the advice of the caterer on providing enough food for all our guests, and it was great! Running out had never occurred to us as an issue, and it didn’t happen. It was a full lunch, presented as smaller dishes with more variety (and for @llamaladies below, most of our guests and even we were from out of town— Everyone was super happy!) Caterer also supplied all linens, dishes, tables etc. Yes, we paid for it through them and it wasn’t a huge savings, but it wasn’t extra logistics for us. They provide these things for sit down dinners, why not for other types of events?

    Other tips include having enough seating (I think we had 70% ? Caterer helped us figure it out) plus standing tables plus 2 benches that were in the space). Remember to reserve a couple tables for elderly/otherwise needing to sit the whole time guests!

  • KH_Tas

    We had what I guess you would call ‘heavy apps’, which in practice meant as much as a full meal, but with more variety. Price-wise, it was far and away the cheapest way to get a decent vegetarian option, at least in these parts (35/pp vs 21/pp but meat everything). Price also included all napkins etc.

  • Christina Helen

    I’ve been to loads of 2pm weddings, and for me they are the worst for having-time-to-eat-beforehand. My experience has been that only about half the guests manage to eat lunch beforehand, and everyone else arrives harried and grumpy that they didn’t find the time to eat before travelling to get to the wedding location. (Our event is going to be for afternoon tea, starting at 3pm. I know this won’t suit some people’s regular eating schedules, but after much consideration of possible times, I came to the conclusion that there is no such thing as a four-hour event that doesn’t interfere with *some people’s* meal times. Our guests are grown-ups; if they’re early eaters then they can work out that they need have a light-to-heavy snack before turning up.)

    • Sosuli

      Got to share the afternoon tea love, we’re having that too. And in the evening, pre-dance party, there’s going to be a hot buffet (beef stew, fish pie, veggie lasagne, veggies and salad). This way we get the sit-down meal my FMIL was set on, without the expense of a full 3 course table service dinner.

      • Christina Helen

        That sounds so lovely! =)

    • Ella Corbin

      As someone who is having a 2pm wedding (we are limited to the times the registrar is available), this is a good point to think about. We are having canapés straight after the ceremony, then an afternoon tea at 4pm, and then a pork roast later on….so it’s not like we’re not feeding people, it’s just a slightly awkward time starting at 2pm. However, we are getting married in the middle of a very touristy town with plenty of cafes where people could grab lunch, and they will have to walk through it because there is no parking at the venue but plenty within 10 mins walk. I think I will add the names and locations of a few good cafes to the invites to remind them to plan in lunch/brunch before they come!

      • Christina Helen

        We are similarly going to encourage guests to get lunch from nearby cafes before the ceremony starts. =) I think having somewhere to eat close by makes a big difference!

  • Sosuli

    The “cocktail reception” language really confuses me as a non-US resident. If it’s a full meal, why not just call it a hot buffet? Makes it clear it’s a proper meal, just without table service. Any reference to appetizers, whether “heavy” or “light” would make me think I’ll get hungry at some point. A lot of people have also mentioned that app stations can be expensive… which makes me wonder whether just arranging a straight out buffet (without needing as many people to set up and man each station) might help keep expenses down? Or is that just not the done thing at a cocktail reception? Just curious!

    • M.

      We said “cocktail-style” to indicate 1) no assigned seating, 2) no strict “format” or time for eating (that is, no sending tables one by one to buffet, no dinner “hour”, etc), 3) emphasize the mingling aspect. People were very mobile during our reception, changing tables, standing sometimes, catching up and meeting, grabbing a little more food here and there. A buffet can certainly be a middle ground between full service sit down and passed apps, but cocktail (at least cocktail-style) has some different implications in my mind. Stations of food allows for more food I think than passed, but can stay on the cocktail side of spectrum.

      • Sosuli

        Thanks for explaining – that makes sense and does clear it up for me! I haven’t actually been to a wedding without seating for everyone or specific eating times before, so that’s probably why I was confused. Maybe the cocktail-style reception will eventually make it over to this side of the Atlantic too.

      • Lauren from NH

        We used cocktail style to mean informal meal (apps and pizza, which we noted), lots of standing tables with some seated tables (though enough chairs for all), and mingling encouraged. We thought about doing actual cocktails with all apps/small bites early on in the planning process, but the caterer we started talking with seemed to want to nickle and dime us and was horrible at communicating so pizza it became!

    • We ended up doing a cocktail reception for our second wedding in France for my husband’s family (although i don’t remember what we called it). The reasoning for it was that we were already married and didn’t want another wedding so we negotiated with my in-laws to do (what was supposed to be) a less formal evening. So we did a buffet, 2 buffets actually – cold and then hot (my in-laws went a bit overboard) and had some tall tables with high chairs, as well as traditional 10 person round tables with no assigned seating. I agree that a buffet would be cheaper and more desirable then canapés.

  • pajamafishadventures

    Yes to app stations. Always yes to app stations. Passed apps are the bane of my existence- I don’t know why but they never seem to make their way over to me and then I always end up at the back of a crowd hopping around trying to get a g.d. bacon wrapped scallop. Stations solve that problem.

  • anotherKate

    Let me just echo that timing is important if you decide to do a cocktail reception. I was a bridesmaid at a wedding that started at 5 pm on a Friday and just had appetizers at the reception. It did not go well. Everyone was hungry (no one had time to eat before, especially because a lot of people had work that day), and the reception was a full length reception (going until 9 or 10). It was particularly hard on the wedding party because the couple provided some snacks before but nothing after, so we were all very hungry and thankfully had other people to snag us food, because pictures were after and otherwise we wouldn’t have gotten any food. So if you’re planning on having a reception and only having appetizers, please consider the timing carefully.

  • emilyg25

    Hmm, I disagree about the booze costs. If you’re doing an afternoon snacky thing, then yeah. But when we were thinking of doing this, it was going to be an evening do with true cocktails, which meant full, staffed bar. With our family/friends, it would have been so expensive! We ended up going with a BBQ dinner with just self-serve beers and wine.

  • I think its also important to remember that “cocktail style” is not necessarily only light appetizer level of food. I was at a wedding that served the equivalent of dinner (three courses) plus hot and cold hors d’oeuvres but it was served in the format of passed cocktail which facilitated more of a party atmosphere. Depending on the regional area, however, this format is very rare a money-saver, its more personal preference of reception style.

  • Joy

    So spot on! We had only ever been to 3 weddings between the two of us and we had no idea what we were doing. We messed up all the steps-
    1. I wanted a cake and punch reception -which exists in the US, but there’s no real equivalent in France so on the invitations my husband translated it as a Vin d’honneur -which is usually a glass of champagne and some nibbles BEFORE a big dinner AND it’s socially acceptable to invite the people you’re less close with to just that. But that wasn’t what ours was at all and it left the majority of our guests completely confused.

    2. We did this but the helpers we hired put out the wrong things at the wrong time in the wrong place (language barrier).

    3. We’ll we did have seating. So at least no one was stuck standing in heels.

    4. We found this out very quickly when all the caterers we contacted quoted us ridiculous prices for canapés- but when you think about how fiddly and time consuming they are compared to a more straight forward meal you can get an idea why.

    5. We picked a time that was awkward for the English guests in that it was too late and awkward for the French guests in that it was too early. No real winning there.

    6. We ended up with entirely too much food because of our backup plan. The amount of waste still makes me a bit sick.

    7. This is the one that bothers me the most. They totally got bored and I was a bit clueless about how to fix it and so loads of people left before we had hoped (or expected)

    8. I think my husband enjoyed this about it, but I didn’t really speak the same language as the majority of my guests so there was a lot if awkward smiling on my part.

    9.We’re still drinking wedding champagne a year and a half later. -And we’d worried there wouldn’t be enough.

    10- so true! I had 2 canapés and the bite of cake my husband fed to me at the cake cutting.

    Learn from my mistakes! Skip the cocktail reception or at least take the recommendations above.

    • This sounds a lot like our second wedding which was in France with me being the only non-French attendee. We had (enourmous) buffets (yes there was a cold and then a hot buffet), and I was so busy talking and doing the bloody bise with 150 people that I completely missed one of the buffets! They cleaned it up before I could get there. Luckily it was a full-service event so the staff made me up a plate of food upon request.

  • Kate

    I loved our cocktail reception! It allowed us to maximize our time with our guests and minimize headaches over who sits where. It worked because we served enough food for people to eat a full dinner, and we let our guests know on the invitation, on the website, and by word of mouth that there would not be a sit-down dinner. Since a seated meal is the norm in our community, I didn’t want people to go light on the appetizers because they were waiting for a seated dinner that was never coming! We had a variety of passed appetizers (hot and cold; vegetarian, seafood, and meat; etc.), appetizer stations (I think there was a meat and cheese station and a salsa bar), and a staffed taco station (instead of a carving station; we live in Texas; it was amazing). I’m sure we didn’t save money over a seated dinner since our reception was really a full meal that was served cocktail party-style. We also had plenty of seating since standing in heels while trying to juggle a drink and a taco seemed impractical. I think I found an estimate for how much seating we would need in one of the Get Sh*t Done posts here, then bumped it up a little. People raved about the food and had a great time mixing and mingling, so it worked very well for us.

  • Acres_Wild

    We had a Friday night cocktail reception, and it was hands down the best decision we could have made. We love to entertain, and when we started planning our wedding, we thought about what kinds of parties we like to throw in general. Our favorites over the years have been big cocktail parties with lots of interesting appetizers, so we decided to go in that direction for our wedding reception. Six months later, people still tell us how much fun they had and how good the food was, and several friends are now planning their own cocktail party weddings!
    It was definitely important to manage expectations. The invitation said “cocktail party to follow,” and we posted more details on our website. We made sure to have plenty of chairs – I don’t think it was 1 per person, but probably enough for 3/4 of the guests to sit at any given time, and all the chairs were never occupied at once because the dance floor was pretty much always full (we have an outgoing crowd!). There was plenty of food out all night, so as far as I know, nobody left hungry. It was about the same price as a seated dinner, but we liked the more flexible format because we wanted more time to dance and mingle and talk. The venue was an art museum, so it was also nice to have that extra time for people to walk through the galleries.
    Basically, consider this a ringing endorsement of the cocktail party wedding reception!

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