Gift Guide #4: For The Recent Divorcée

So much classier than voodoo dolls

24K Four Leaf Clover Print ($27)

If you Google gifts for the recently divorced, there are all kinds of gauche suggestions like voodoo dolls and knife blocks shaped like screaming men. Don’t be that person. Don’t. Where on earth is someone going to wear a t-shirt that says, “I’m not with stupid anymore?” Here are some classier suggestions. As a recent divorcée myself—in spirit if not legally—these are all things I would love to receive. (Also, while I have you here, I think we should take back the word divorcée. It’s kind of fabulous, no?)

ONE Lenox Tuscany Classics 10-Ounce Martini Glasses, because obviously. (Set of four $39.99)

TWO Some of the best advice I’ve ever received is not to fear loneliness; instead, pour it a cup of tea. Chevron Tea for One Set ($38)

THREE Try to find a new spa treat she hasn’t tried, like a float. If all else fails, a massage is great, too. Salt Water Float at FLO2S Atlanta ($75)

FOUR Chocolate is a cliché, but it’s a cliché that I found myself eating in large quantities. Make sure it’s something fancy that you can’t find everywhere. Grasshopper Pie Chocolate Bar ($5 each)

FIVE The beverage that loosened my tongue about my marriage troubles. Smirnoff Fluffed Marshmallow Vodka ($13.99)

SIX Know when to fold ’em. The Gambler Necklace ($40)

SEVEN If you want to be practical, find something that she lost in the division of stuff and buy her a replacement. Mikasa Ikat Blue Dinnerware Set ($199; on sale for $109.99)

TOP PHOTO For remembering how lucky she is, and how lucky she will be. 24K Gold Four Leaf Clover Print ($27)

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  • emilyg25

    Treat yo’self!

  • Polygon

    This post is what I love about APW – well done!

  • Lisa

    When I divorced, I found myself miserable, functioning, standing front of a Pottery Barn saleswoman telling her my life story. And handing over a check for thousands of dollars. PB needs a sane divorce registry. Sofas don’t clone themselves.

    • I told my story to a person who works at a vegan store/restaurant/yoga studio. Thankfully I only walked out of there with a small package of sunflower seeds.

      But divorce registry…ah, that would be helpful. So many things to buy. Including a sofa. Unfortunately we had given my sofa to his long-ago ex-girlfriend-stayed-friend when we moved in together, and we kept his because it was nicer. And of course, now he is leaving with his sofa and I am stuck having to buy a new one. :(

  • Ella

    Hugs, Emily. So brave….and wonderful gift ideas. Damn, I’m going right now to buy that Grasshopper Chocolate Bar…

  • Jacky Speck

    These gift guides have been my favorite thing on the internet all month. And my internet time-wasting has become so much more efficient since I can combine two of my favorite things: APW and frivolous spending!

    • Meg Keene

      Ha. All of the staff finally gave into our deep love of, you know, frivolous shopping. And decided to just share. (I’m a frivolous online window shopper. Maddie is better in that I think she actually buys shit.)

  • Totally posting this on my facebook right this second…

  • Shiri

    I really, really want those dishes. I mean, really, REALLY want those dishes. I’ve never coveted dishware before. And look at that price!

  • Amy

    Thank you, APW, for staying classy, as always. (Not that I expected anything different.)

  • SarahG

    That necklace is my soulmate. By which I mean, my last name is Gamble, and I grew up when that song was popular, and therefore have been nicknamed “The Gambler” by others my entire life (used to hate, have since reclaimed). MUST HAVE IT. It is my destiny, like Lord of the Rings or something.

    • Laura

      The necklace has awoken, it’s heard it’s master’s call.

  • That chocolate looks spendiferous!

  • Superfantastic

    That necklace is my own personal Wifey sweatshirt. In that I Do Not Wear Hearts. And yet I love it.

    • Meaghan

      Are wifey sweatshirts a thing? I saw a girl wearing one at the airport last week and was really confused.

      • One More Sara

        In the gift guide before this one, there was a wifey sweatshirt which most of us couldn’t decide if we loved or hated

        • Meaghan

          ah, gotcha. ‘fraid you’ll have to put me down in the hate camp.

          • Meg Keene

            I feel like it’s too complicated to ONLY hate it. Go talk to the femme lesbians and black feminists posting their pictures in it, about why they wear it, and then tell me it’s as simple as all that ;)

  • Hahaha, as someone waiting to have a divorce finalized…please Santa bring me that for an early Christmas gift….this post made me smile. And I love the teapot. Perhaps also some tools for repainting would be a good gift idea? Painters tape, paint brushes, rollers…maybe in a cute gift basket? :) I know that is in my upcoming plans…repainting to have a start fresh start.

    • plus a bundle of sage and a pretty book of matches.

      • I got the sage as a birthday gift the week after my ex left me. :)

        • Meg Keene

          Oh. I love this. Painting store gift certificate. Sage.

  • Alison O

    “a cliché that I found myself eating in large quantities”

    lol, and yes

  • Elisabeth S.

    Emily, I want to come over for tea and martinis!

    • Emily

      I’m totally on board with this.

  • Rj

    The word ‘divorcee’ reminds me of an old ‘Happy Days’ episode where Richie and Potsie had a much repeated line. ‘Divorcees are hot to trot’!