The Wedding Dropout Returns

A little over a year ago, Sara from The Meanest Look was brave enough to kick-off a conversation about calling off your wedding. She’d recently done just that and was terrified to talk about it online, but still brave enough to do it. When your comments flooded in, I was actually able to witness Sara healing a little bit. Then her comments and emails would pop up now and then, making me laugh and letting me know she was doing better and better. And then sometime last summer I heard the news… from a really dark place, something amazing had taken root and grown. So here is Sara, proving that when we’re strong enough to say no to what’s wrong for us, blazing, brilliant, unexpected happiness is possible.

Last May, after calling off my wedding, my mom took me to Ireland to find a husband. No, really. She kept talking about some movie called PS I Love You and how I was sure to meet a husband. Well that didn’t happen. But April 27th of this year I fell in love. His name is Duncan Everett, and he is my newborn son. Love at first sight. Oh yeah, his dad is pretty nifty, too!

Baby Dustin

I had known Mike (Duncan’s papa) for a while through one of my girlfriends that I played roller derby with. We’d causally smile and say hi at parties we were both at. No big deal. Finally he asked me out at one of those parties. This man had seen me wrestle that same derby girlfriend half nekkid in oatmeal nearly three years earlier and he was just NOW asking me out! Good thing he was cute or I may not have gone out with him.

As it turned out, our relationship was all about timing. When he finally asked me out, I was in a place in my life where I was ready to appreciate a guy like Mike. A guy that it turns out is a perfect match for me. Our love story isn’t an ostentatious one. It’s real, at times messy, and the best one I’ve ever known. Three months into dating, Mike and I were in love and happy. Then came the bombshell. I was preggers. We thought very hard about the reality of our situation and decided – BAM! — we were going to have a baby.

A b-a-b-y. We were going to become a family.

Months went on and our relationship grew stronger as my belly grew bigger. Very cliché I know, but also true. For the first time in my life, I was attending holidays with my boyfriend and his family. I was planning a real future with someone based on an undeniable bond. I was experiencing immeasurable happiness. And heartburn. Lots of heartburn. Mike’s support got me through the pregnancy. I found it very challenging to be knocked up, and Mike was there when I felt sick, when I was scared, and that time I legitimately thought there were tigers in our room (Seriously. Ambien is some crazy ish, yo.).

And then Duncan arrived!

That moment when Duncan’s first cry filled the hospital room, Mike’s hand holding mine, I had my happy ending. I was loved, I was happy, and I had a family. I had the two most wonderful boys in the world.


I remember reading the comments on my last APW post during my saddest days. I was so comforted by the generous outreach of APW readers. I’d like to think that all those well wishes manifested into this wonderful life that I now have.  So thanks all!

Mike and I have talked about getting married, and it’s a plan for the next couple years. It’s important to us that we marry on our own terms and not let our union be driven by outside pressures or by feeling judged for being unwed parents. (Yeah, that actually happens.). When I look at Duncan I am reminded of the importance of authenticity. He smiles when he’s happy and he cries when he’s not. Mike and I owe it to Duncan to marry with that sort of authenticity in mind. It’s our job to teach him the magnitude of marriage through example. That’s what we intend to do. With that said, I promise to let you all know when Mike proposes!

For now, I need to go change a diaper and wipe the baby vom off my shoulder. Who knew poop and vom would mean happiness for me?


Top Photo: Dustin V. Photography

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  • Hypothetical Sarah

    What a feel-good post to start the week! Thanks Sara. Good luck to you and your little family!

  • Angela García Borreguero

    it´s great, how, sometimes things get falling in the right places at your own pace…awesome time, awesome post, awesome girl!!

  • “I was in a place in my life where I was ready to appreciate a guy like Mike. A guy that it turns out is a perfect match for me. Our love story isn’t an ostentatious one. It’s real, at times messy, and the best one I’ve ever known.”

    I experienced the same thing with my fiancee. I had a very awful breakup, and then, two months later, met my perfect match!! It’s awesome!! Congratulations!!! Duncan is adorable. :)

    • Mel

      I have a very similar story. It’s amazing how so often, it’s just about the timing being right!

  • Cassandra

    I’m working in Nairobi right now, which is GMT+3, and have been impatiently waiting all day (it’s 4pm) for APW to be updated for today. Totally worth the wait to read such lovely news and see pictures of this cute little guy!

  • I’m so glad that you came back for a follow-up post! Congratulations on your beautiful family and on finding your happy place!*

  • This is so wonderful! I’m so glad to have a follow-up post from her, as her last post really touched me. Yay for her!!

  • Arya

    What a wonderful post. Congratulations.

  • Hooray! I’m so glad you updated us with all of your good news. Congratulations!

  • That baby is so cute I want to eat him!

    • And his little giraffe too!

  • Class of 1980

    What a great story. I’m a big believer in saying “NO” to wrong relationships. How else are you going to clear a space for the right one?

    Congratulations on Duncan … and Mike!

    • Love this post!

      And Class of 1980, I always love your comments!

      • Class of 1980

        Thank you. ;)

  • Mel

    This is such a great story. You were so brave to do the right thing even when it was difficult… and I’m so glad to see the happiness you’ve found now! Thank you for sharing with us, Sara, and congratulations on your little one and your new love!

  • Thanks for updating us on your beautiful life! Congratulations on your baby family!

  • Edelweiss

    This is what life is. And it’s beautiful.

    PS I don’t even want babies (yet) and I’m going to visualize that adorable face the next time I need to make a tough choice with no guaranteed outcome.

  • Thank you so much for your update! I can’t help it, I adore happy endings. Or really a happy beginning for you, Mike & Duncan (such a cutie!!!). Congratulations & best wishes always~

  • What a wonderful follow-up story. I love seeing how the APW community grows as individuals.

    And living with authenticity? The best.

  • Could not be happier for you and your growing family. I think every time a person does what they know is truly right for themselves deep down in their heart, a fairy gets its wings.

  • SarahMama Kate

    …okay, sniffling at the screen over here! What a wonderful post. And? Authenticity? That makes it. All of it. Thanks for the Monday morning lift, Sara

  • Marina

    Your family is a-freaking-dorable. Please do keep us updated! And at four months pregnant, I hear ya on the heartburn. :( No tigers yet, though!

  • Maria Paz

    This is such great news, I’m so, so happy for you, Sara :) Your first post was so brave and powerful, and to see that you now have your own baby family! Congratulations & thanks for sharing!
    Oh, and: …”when we’re strong enough to say no to what’s wrong for us, blazing, brilliant, unexpected happiness is possible”–> AMEN!

  • Maria Paz

    Oh! And Duncan Everett! <3

  • Awww, congratulations! I’m so glad to hear that things are going better for you! And your little man is so adorable–that picture with the giraffe just kills me.

  • This is the BEST kind of news to hear on a Monday morning! :)

  • Jen

    this is such a fantastic Monday morning post.

    So much joy to you and your family!! Thank you for coming back to share this chapter with us!

  • You are awesome. :)

    I feel really lucky to have followed you from your first APW appearance to now. You three are absolutely beautiful together.

  • “He smiles when he’s happy and he cries when he’s not.”

    How much would I love to be this transparent?

  • Can we add a button immediately after the posts, for when you just want to “EXACTLY” the whole damn thing? Cause I want to do that. This post is awesome. Hooray for happiness and marrying with authenticity. Love that.

  • Moz

    Sara, I remember your post so clearly. I am so glad you have found such happiness. Wish you and your baby family all the very best xx

  • Rebecca

    The giraffe photo is the BEST

  • I always thought you two would get along well. ;)

  • Katie

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank YOU!

    I cannot tell you how many times I read and re-read your original post. It provided me with the courage to call off my own engagement 8 months ago. And your subsequent words of wisdom via email helped me get through those messy early days.

    You’ve shown why trusting yourself, even when the decision is hard, really and truly makes all the difference. It’s not always easy. It’s not always fun. But I am sure you wouldn’t have it any other way.

    Congrats to you and your family <3

  • What an amazing update! I was blown away by your original post, love reading this now and knowing that the story turned out so well. Congratulations!

  • Eleanor

    you are amazing!!! this is TOTALLY me and my boyfriend right now. I live in NYC and we get judged ALL the time for having a baby and not being married. especially since we live together and marriage is in the plan for the future. we’re just going at our own pace and definitely want to get married eventually, but right now the pressure from everyone else is really annoying.

    your son is beautiful!! vom and poo are definitely happiness in my book. motherhood is such an amazing amazing gift.