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The Wedding Dropout Returns

A little over a year ago, Sara from The Meanest Look was brave enough to kick-off a conversation about calling off your wedding. She’d recently done just that and was terrified to talk about it online, but still brave enough to do it. When your comments flooded in, I was actually able to witness Sara healing a little bit. Then her comments and emails would pop up now and then, making me laugh and letting me know she was doing better and better. And then sometime last summer I heard the news… from a really dark place, something amazing had taken root and grown. So here is Sara, proving that when we’re strong enough to say no to what’s wrong for us, blazing, brilliant, unexpected happiness is possible.

Last May, after calling off my wedding, my mom took me to Ireland to find a husband. No, really. She kept talking about some movie called PS I Love You and how I was sure to meet a husband. Well that didn’t happen. But April 27th of this year I fell in love. His name is Duncan Everett, and he is my newborn son. Love at first sight. Oh yeah, his dad is pretty nifty, too!

I had known Mike (Duncan’s papa) for a while through one of my girlfriends that I played roller derby with. We’d causally smile and say hi at parties we were both at. No big deal. Finally he asked me out at one of those parties. This man had seen me wrestle that same derby girlfriend half nekkid in oatmeal nearly three years earlier and he was just NOW asking me out! Good thing he was cute or I may not have gone out with him.

As it turned out, our relationship was all about timing. When he finally asked me out, I was in a place in my life where I was ready to appreciate a guy like Mike. A guy that it turns out is a perfect match for me. Our love story isn’t an ostentatious one. It’s real, at times messy, and the best one I’ve ever known. Three months into dating, Mike and I were in love and happy. Then came the bombshell. I was preggers. We thought very hard about the reality of our situation and decided – BAM! — we were going to have a baby.

A b-a-b-y. We were going to become a family.

Months went on and our relationship grew stronger as my belly grew bigger. Very cliché I know, but also true. For the first time in my life, I was attending holidays with my boyfriend and his family. I was planning a real future with someone based on an undeniable bond. I was experiencing immeasurable happiness. And heartburn. Lots of heartburn. Mike’s support got me through the pregnancy. I found it very challenging to be knocked up, and Mike was there when I felt sick, when I was scared, and that time I legitimately thought there were tigers in our room (Seriously. Ambien is some crazy ish, yo.).

And then Duncan arrived!

That moment when Duncan’s first cry filled the hospital room, Mike’s hand holding mine, I had my happy ending. I was loved, I was happy, and I had a family. I had the two most wonderful boys in the world.

Perfect.

I remember reading the comments on my last APW post during my saddest days. I was so comforted by the generous outreach of APW readers. I’d like to think that all those well wishes manifested into this wonderful life that I now have.  So thanks all!

Mike and I have talked about getting married, and it’s a plan for the next couple years. It’s important to us that we marry on our own terms and not let our union be driven by outside pressures or by feeling judged for being unwed parents. (Yeah, that actually happens.). When I look at Duncan I am reminded of the importance of authenticity. He smiles when he’s happy and he cries when he’s not. Mike and I owe it to Duncan to marry with that sort of authenticity in mind. It’s our job to teach him the magnitude of marriage through example. That’s what we intend to do. With that said, I promise to let you all know when Mike proposes!

For now, I need to go change a diaper and wipe the baby vom off my shoulder. Who knew poop and vom would mean happiness for me?

Duncan

Top Photo: Dustin V. Photography

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