When I first started the Wedding Graduates series, it was designed to be a now and then feature where people who had made it to the married side of the wedding (my blogger girlfriends) wrote a letter to those of us on the planning side of the wedding (me) to tell us what they’d learned and what they would tell their planning self if they could. Today’s post from Kim harkens back to that original model and to the very first Wedding Graduate post ever: East Side Bride. Kim originally wrote it on her blog Domestocrat, and we asked if we could share it with you here, because it’s a good one. Planning ladies, take notes.
The Top 15 Things I Know Now About Wedding Planning That I Wish I Knew Then
1) This thing is going to end up costing way more than you thought. We stuck to our budget, we reviewed it weekly, and still we went over. But we didn’t use our credit cards. Go over budget if you have to, just don’t go into debt.
2) You will not go tanning, need facials, whiten your teeth, or go to bridal bootcamp as much as you thought, save your money.
3) No one cares about your wedding as much as you do. And that’s ok. It should be that way. There were many times I posted to Facebook, went on at work, and called friends just to talk about the wedding. I know it’s obnoxious and I tried to keep it to a minimum. Just know that while everyone is happy for you and are psyched to come to the wedding, they don’t want to hear about it every day.
4) You will have to concede on some things to make other people happy. This doesn’t make you a bad person, just human. You will constantly have to decide whether or not the things others suggest or want to help with will cost you anything, literally and figuratively. When they cost you nothing and will benefit the other person, just roll with it.
5) On the other hand, you’re going to have to put your foot down. As great as it is to make others happy when it’s easy, it’s important to make yourself and your fiancé happy first. If something isn’t going right, people aren’t cooperating, or there is negativity of any kind, you have to squash it immediately (see #6). Even if you hate conflict or have trouble confronting things like this, you have to do it. Be honest, composed, and firm.
6) Not all vendors are created equally. Do your homework, get recommendations from married friends, check them out on Yelp. The good ones are amazing to work with but the bad ones can ruin everything. Don’t sign any contracts before you’re ready. Ask every single question you can think of. And if something doesn’t feel right, speak up. If you don’t, it will get worse. Trust me.
7) Invest in a huge stash of thank you notes. Triple the number you think you’ll need. Seriously. Between bridal showers, bachelor/bachelorette parties, gifts from coworkers, cards/gifts from folks who can’t attend the wedding, and the wedding itself, we bought probably 300 thank you notes (for a 100 person wedding). Despite what anyone says a hand written thank you is not a dying art, it’s proper etiquette and a must-do.
8) It’s ok to change things last minute. Don’t ask for enormous changes but it’s ok to tweak little things even though you may have a little bit of guilt. We changed our first dance song with 8 days to go, I changed my wedding band 3 weeks beforehand, and I changed my whole hair style 5 weeks before. Your wedding needs to feel like you. A lot of things change between when you planned them a year prior and your wedding day, and it’s ok to make modifications as you go.
9) Do your decorations last. I know having tons of time to DIY your perfect centerpieces or make all of the boutonnieres seems awesome, but trust me when I say you’ll save yourself time and stress if you wait until your venue, rentals, seating arrangements, wedding party, and food set up are all set to decide how you want to style the wedding.
10) Your wedding will bring you closer to your friends, your family, and your fiancé. I totally didn’t expect this but it’s so true. People want to share your love and enjoy this time in your life. It’s extremely special and I found the more I could share it, the merrier.
11) Celebrate, celebrate, and then celebrate some more. Try not to lose sight of how momentous and amazing this time of your life is with all of the business of wedding planning.
12) The amount of planning you do will directly relate to how smooth your wedding is. We planned the heck out of our wedding and, based on all of the praise, comments, and feedback, it showed in the awesomest of ways. The whole day went flawlessly. We have a lot of other people to thank for that but we also have ourselves to thank too, and I’m super proud of that.
13) Taking pictures and doing our first look before the ceremony was the best idea ever. It set such an eased, calm, and relaxed tone to the day. I really don’t get how some people go into the whole thing not seeing each other. That would have created such stress for us. Hanging out and taking our wedding party and family portraits before the whole wedding really put us at ease and let us all spend some quality time together before the craziness. I highly, highly recommend that everyone do this. (It helps when you have kickass photographers to orchestrate the whole thing!)
14) Don’t apologize. Everyone will have their own opinions about how you did your wedding. The nice ones will dish behind your back and the rude ones will say what they’d do different to your face. But don’t apologize for any choice you made. You made it yours and that’s the most important thing.
15) Your wedding day will be the fastest day or your life but it’ll be the best day of your life. I promise.
The Info — Photography: Kristin Korpos Photography / Venue: Chester’s at Bell Tower Square / Invitations: And Kathleen / Dress: Maggie Sottero Couture (selling it on eBay right now actually!) / Hair Piece: Custom made by Brenda’s Bridal Veils / Caterer: Firefly’s BBQ / Flowers: Nellie’s Flowers / Cake: Sweet Tooth Boston