Worry About the Artichokes…

So, earlier this week we all fell in love with Zen’s quote about, well, life. It’s too genius to sum up, so I’m just going to remind you all right here:

“I’m going to come out and say it: You don’t actually have to enjoy your wedding. It’s fine if for one reason or another—family or financial pressures—you view it as something you just have to get over with. There will be other parties to throw. And you’re going to achieve your ultimate goal—to be married to your partner—whether or not you managed to get enough artichokes to hold your place-cards, and whether or not you get a feeling of transcendence when you pronounce your vows.

I’m not saying both things are equally irrelevant—obviously transcendence is nice if you can get it—but let’s be realistic here. Artichokes you can buy; transcendence you’ve just got to wait for. If you’ve got to worry about something, choose the artichokes every time.”

When we published that, it was like the staff could hear the collective sigh of relief from around the APW globe. Sure, a bunch of you realized that they’d been let off the hook for their wedding, but even more of you pointed out that this was potentially the best LIFE advice ever. I suggested that we all get it as a tattoo (even though I’m not a tattoo person), but then someone else pointed out that coordinated T-shirts might be easier. But while the rest of us were staring dumbfounded in front of our computers because we’d just been punched in the face with some enlightened sh*t, the lovely Lucy, who you know in the comment section as YouLoveLucy (and trust me, you’re about to find out that you really do love her, the APW team already met her and loved her in Atlanta) was busy making the new APW uniform.

YEAHHHHHH. I will be buying it, and tearing out the neck and wearing it to the gym, for certain sure. So y’all, married or not, engaged or not, a woman or not, should scurry off and buy one right now (and then wear it regularly until someone asks you what the heck it means and you BLOW THEIR MINDS with the answer). Whatever money is made is all Lucy’s, and girlfriend DESERVES that.

But, in the meantime, we have also have a favor to ask from everyone else!

The APW staff decided we really would, in an ideal world, like to produce some DIY hair & makeup tutorials. I mean, I did my own hair and makeup for the wedding, and I know some of the rest of you will to. So, we want to bring on an APW approved hair & makeup guru to teach us easy day-of beauty secrets. If any of you have recommendations for sane hair & makeup professionals in the Bay Area (WHY don’t we have someone in the directory?) we’d love it if you could send them our way! We’ll work with them in DIY projects, and then tell those of you who just want to hire someone already all about them (because, uh, the wedding beauty industry can be terrifying). They can e-mail Maddie at maddie@apracticalwedding for more info. And also! New Yorkers who are looking to hire someone sane to do your makeup? Remember NYC Faces. If only they were in the Bay Area, we’d be set.

T-Shirt Design by: Lucy Guest, Makeup Photo by: Kandise Brown of Hibou Photo

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  • Love love love this post. I don’t even know why. But I do. Love.

  • What color do I want? HMMMM!

  • Liz

    SWEET MOTHER OF PEARL! Did my comment produce a tee shirt? I think I have died and gone to APW heaven.

  • Rowany

    Ooh, I love the idea of hair and make-up tutorials, but may I suggest throwing lines out to multiple gurus of different ethnicities? I understand if the logistics are just too complicated but I think beauty tips can vary quite widely by skin tone/hair type.

  • I am like a proud mama hen right now! :D

  • sarah


    (I cannot believe I just wrote that. BUT. I’m a total hair and makeup idiot. I wear my hair down or in a ponytail, and I don’t wear makeup. My fiance — bless. his. HEART. — prefers it that way, which is good, because I certainly am not going to change that about myself for anyone, ever, amen. Again, BUT, it’s agreed that I should probably not put my hair in a ponytail and go makeup-less at the wedding. [Again, the fiance — bless. his. HEART. — told me that if I’m going to do it, I should either get it done or get myself proper-taught, because, “[He] always figured that the bride’s beauty needs — however unneeded — were a non-negotiable budget item. [He is], after all, demanding a proper barber-shop shave-and-a-haircut.”] So please, please, please give me some Practical advice on how to have Practical hair and makeup and not look practically like a Drag Queen [gorgeous as they make make themselves, that’s just not my style … and yet fairly close to how I make myself look whenever I try to make myself up]. Thanks!!!)

    • You are not alone!

      I wear my hair in a pony tail every. single. day. Until the summer, when I chop it all off and wear headbands every day. I’m still considering the chopping it off and finding a pretty hairband route, but I don’t want hair in my face if it’s windy outside. What’s a girl to do with all this hair and no skillz?

      • carrie

        Pinterest, ladies! Some of the stuff on there no regular human has a shot in hell to do on their own (at least not this human), but I’ve managed to pull off a couple. I am *not* a whiz with my hair. The pinterest suggestion is more for everyday, but I’ve seen plenty on there that would also be so pretty for weddings!

        • meg

          I can make a Pinterest APW hair board if y’all want. Carrie, if you have good ones saved, give me your Pinterest handle, and I’ll re-pin stuff to get us started.

          • I have a bunch!

            Handle: Shannon Griswold
            Board: Wedding Stuff

          • carrie

            Handle: honeybomb
            I have a board titled “Hair.” (ha) Definitely some good ones, I think.

          • I have some too! My cousin bombarded me after I said I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my hair.


    • Hey, we are personal-beauty/grooming-protocol twins!!

      I totally get you. And I have not totally figured out my solution yet, but here’s what I’m thinking:

      1) Makeup – I learned how to do my makeup a few months ago by going to a MAC store with a more cosmetically-inclined friend and asking for one of the salespeople to teach me. You have to make a minimum purchase for this, but trust me, if you’re starting from scratch (i.e., I didn’t even own any foundation) that will not be an issue (ahem). I told the person helping me that I don’t wear makeup at all, probably won’t do it much apart from special occasions like my wedding or appearing on camera (which was the immediate impetus for doing this in the first place) and that I wanted to LOOK JUST LIKE MYSELF but in a way that the camera would like. I got great recommendations on which products (and got to try a couple different ones if I was uncertain), a full demonstration of how to apply EVERYTHING, and even a paper map of which products/brushstrokes go where that I can pin up next to the mirror when I do it myself. I have done several times since then, and it looks good! I am confident that I can do it myself on my wedding day. I probably spent about $250 on products (ouch!) including cheaper drug-store mascara/eyeliner, and I have no idea what it costs to just get it done by a pro on the day, but I’m happy with this arrangement because I know well ahead of time what I’m going to look like and won’t be unpleasantly surprised if the day-of pro’s vision is more clownface than I wanted.

      2) Hair. I have a pinterest board full of ideas. I will probably not do my own hair, because I get frustrated with it. I’m having a destination wedding and at this point am seriously considering having it professionally done over there. My dilemma here is that I will probably not get to “try out” a style much in advance, and I am pretty much at the mercy of the intertubes in terms of finding an appropriate stylist (unless any East Lothian brides can shoot me some recommendations!).

    • I am probably going to pay a professional to do my hair because a) I have difficult hair, and b) I really am that bad, BUT MAKEUP TUTORIALS YES! More specifically, how do you get it to stay on all day? I always end up with eyeliner smudged in the crease in my eyelid and not on my lash line by, like, 1pm. Seeing as how my wedding is at 1pm and then there’s like 10 more hours after that, I need to figure this ish out!

      • There is a special foundation for eyelids. I’m sure all the makeup wearing ladies are all like, “duh!” but I did not know this until recently. No crease gunk, ever – revolutionary!

  • streamnerd

    Yay, for hair and make-up tutorials. I am getting married in a rural spot and decided I didn’t want to spend a bunch of time on my wedding day driving back and forth to the nearest fancy salon so I will be doing my own even though I know next to nothing about make-up. Tips will be much appreciated.

  • Aimee

    Can the next shirt have something to do with wily ducks? ;)

    • meg

      Yes! LUCY?

      • I can certainly see what I can come up with! :)

  • So funny. And yes, worry about the artichokes all the way, about what you can control. Says an expert in making myself crazy for stuff that is just out of my hands.

  • Allison

    I’d love to see a diy makeup tutorial. I’m an idiot with hair, but pretty handy with a makeup brush, so I’ll definitely be doing my own makeup. Even though I feel fairly competent about it, I’d really like to get some tips as far as what looks good under different lighting, what will show up well in photos, and how to make sure the look has staying power during a long day.

    • carrie

      Primer to start with; a bit of tinted moisturizer if you go with powder foundation; foundation that’s best for your skin (liquid, compact, or loose powder); loose powder like Mineral Veil from BareMinerals. But really, primer is key. I like BareMinerals b/c I use their stuff, but lots of peeps swear by Smashbox and they have a ton.

  • Auburn

    I am a make-up wh*re. Love the stuff. Don’t wear a ton of it but own a frightening amount and have done make-up for basically all my friends’ weddings.
    I’m getting married this summer and, gasp, am paying someone to do it. Not because I can’t, but just because I want to relax and be pampered and NOT do what I normally do which is run around putting eyeliner on, well, everyone, and then realizing I have 10 minutes to get myself ready.
    Anyway, I’m having The Make-Up Dolls do mine: http://www.themakeupdolls.com/index2.php#/home/
    I haven’t yet had my initial consultation but it may be worth reaching out to them for some DIY make-up tips!

    But I have TONS of ideas about DIY make-up and am contemplating how I could do some sort of tutorial given my low tech skills. My first bit of advice would be to go to a make-up counter in a department store (consider an appointment, but it’s not necessary) and say you want to experiment with bridal make-up. Clarify that you’ll be doing it yourself on the big day but want to play around with some looks. The makeover will be free 98% of the time and you’ll probably find at least a few products that you want to purchase so you can replicate the look. I myself am very partial to Laura Mercier (her focus is on clean, perfect looking skin and natural make-up), for what it’s worth. I have done this very thing with almost of all of “my brides”–we go, the make-up artist does his/her stuff, I point out the things I want the bride to buy, and then I basically recreate the look for her on the wedding day. But if you find someone willing to take the time to walk you through the steps, no reason you can’t do this on your own!

    I’m also happy to do a more detailed post with specific make-up tips (products, techniques, etc) if there’s interest!

  • alpelican

    Hair and makeup tutorials? Could you get Jane Marie to do them as some sort of amazing APW-The Hairpin collaboration? Because I think that would be amazing.

  • kayakgirl73

    My Aunt and I did my make up. She’s not a professional at all, but can do mascara and eyeliner which I can’t do to save my life, so a tutorial with tips on those would be great.

    We went to the Clinique Counter ahead of time and had the lady try out some looks on me. I then purchased most of the makeup. I’m a regular Clinique wearer so I knew I would use the stuff again, except for maybe the powder because I tend to forgot about it. The counter lady didn’t try to oversell as at all and gave some great tips, she wasn’t on commission maybe because my Aunt took me to the Navy Exchange to get better prices and no sales tax. So Miltary exchange counters are a great resource for brides in the miltary or have miltary family willing to take them and make the purchase. I paid my Aunt for some of the makeupand the rest was my Birthday present.

  • Remy

    Was there one for “Ducks are wily.”?

  • Um, hello, I love this!! And not just because I’m a die-hard Californian who has a serious love affair with artichokes when they’re in season. Buying now.

  • I’ll be hanging on the edge of my seat hoping for someone who can do hair/makeup in the bay area.

  • K

    Wait – I want one of these. But the size chart. It skips from M – 32″ to L – 36″. WHERE DID 34″ GO?

    This is almost worse than thinking about sizes for wedding dresses.

  • ElisabethJoanne

    Well, I’m supposed to be researching this this month, and my mother is supposed to get me some recommendations, so I hope to be able to help. [I’m a lawyer in construction law. My mother’s a gynecologist. Guess which one of us talks more about my wedding at work? and has more helpful wedding-related connections through work?]

    I was planning on professional hair and make-up until my engagement photos. I didn’t have time for professional anything that day. In fact, I did my hair and make-up 6 hours before the shoot. My make-up in the photos was fine. Now I’m only planning on professionally done hair. I wear make-up less than once a month, so it’s totally possible to DIY for your wedding. Now that I know that, my plan is just to replace what I have with some slightly better colors from Sephora.

  • DKR

    I would LOVE hair and make-up tutorials. I only wear makeup for formal occasions- its been years now since I painted my face. I would echo Rowany’s request for the multiple-ethnicities consideration, if at all possible. Also, I’m curious to know about more natural makeup – I’ve heard of Physician’s Formula and BareEssentials…anyone know more about this?

  • Zen

    Glee! FTR, here is a charming thing you can do with artichokes at a wedding:


    Thirding (?) the request for make-up for multiple ethnicities, if it’s doable — this hasn’t been so much a problem for me personally as a) I don’t wear make-up and b) when I am trussed up and forced, struggling, into a make-up artist’s hands the hands are usually in Malaysia. But I’ve definitely heard complaints about insufficient make-up resources from other non-white friends who grew up in the West.

    • Ceebee

      Oh Zen! I went what a waste of the artichoke when I saw your line… What?! Placecards?!
      And then I spent the next hour thinking what I could do with artichokes, conjuring recipes in my head.
      Now all of this makes sense.
      Bodoh-ity hahaha, that beats my dumbassness (pronounce doom-bahs-ness)
      What parallels artichokes? Jicama as placecard holders, next day everybody have juhoo-char for lunch, wouldn’t that be swell!

  • My photographer did my makeup. Then again, I hired a photographer who has been my friend since 7th grade. Alarming fact: some of the eyeshadow I wore is stuff we bought together, likely in 8th grade. Look forward to tutorials so I can be an adult when I go for job interviews after finishing grad school. I can get away with no make-up day to day, but I still look too young at 29 to not wear makeup to an interview.

  • Pingback: Worry About the Artichokes… « A Practical Wedding: Ideas for … | Dream Wedding On A Dime()

  • This is a great shirt. I’m going to a full blown bridal show on Sunday with my mum and I would love to wear this. I wish I would have bough last week. Now it won’t arrive in time. I’ll be wearing it in spirit.

    You wondered why there is no hair & makeup professionals in the Bay Area in the directory. I wish I knew why there were nearly no Michigan vendors in the directory, let alone any in our own Bay Area! Don’t worry I’ll be recommending that every vendor I officially meet with sign up for your directory. I’m curious to see how much non-WIC saturated business I can find as I (we) start really planning.

  • Liz

    I’m still in awe of how awesome Mei of Triple Twist ( http://www.tripletwist.com ) had my whole crew looking for our wedding. I have no idea if she’s be interested in doing DIY posts, but I’m going to email her a link to your post and keep my fingers crossed :)

  • Oooh, could Kate give us all a tutorial on how to apply fake eyelashes without ending up with a fuzzy mustache? I, er, am asking for A Friend. Ahem.

  • ash

    Has anyone suggested Miss Rainbow of Weddingbee fame? Her pro makeup tutorials got me through my wedding frugally and fabulously, and I continue to pass on her brilliant ideas to everyone I know. Seriously, mixing chafing gel into your foundation, who knew??

  • msditz

    Okay so I fully realize that I am almost a month late on this (one of my Spring Break “To-Do’s” was to catch up on APW!) but I worked with Lucy-Zayne from Flawless Beauty. She was really normal and reasonable and professional and was also really good about explaining to me when what she was using and why. She also did both my hair and make-up, so she could help with both. I just recommended her to a girl I went to high school with, and the girl has already written me to say thank you for the recommendation.

    Here is their website: http://www.getflawless.com/ and she is also on Facebook under “Flawless Beauty”.