Posts Tagged ‘At Home Weddings’

May 2013

How We Did It: Kathleen & Jon’s Backyard Wedding And Restaurant Reception In Atlanta

* Kathleen, Pre/Postnatal Fitness Expert & Jon *

Guests:

Invited: 200 / Actually Attended: 150

Planned Budget:

$15,000

Actual Budget:

$17,000

The ceremony was the hardest part to plan, but was easily the best part of our wedding. We chose to essentially “marry ourselves”—we did not have an officiant. We stood together and shared our beliefs about marriage, and about why we were choosing to marry each other (and why we were doing it in front of all of them). We then said our vows privately. In order to make it legal, we asked any guests that were interested to be ordained online before the wedding. We then put all their names in a bowl and pulled one out “live” during the ceremony and had them come join us up front (to the music from The Price is Right).

We wrote our own ceremony (the whole ceremony—we chose to not have any readings) after lots and lots and lots of conversation with each other. And lots of thinking. And more talking. And a Google Doc that we passed back and forth, often without talking about it. A few days before the wedding we printed it off and made big sweeping edits, and then on the morning of the wedding we printed it on cardstock (Lord knows I wasn’t going to try to memorize my wedding ceremony) and then practiced a few times. I will say, my husband was crazy nervous about having to do a whole load of public speaking on his wedding day. However, it was not just fine, it was perfect—the best part of the day.

My husband said if we had a wedding (vs. eloping, which we also discussed) he wanted it in the backyard (our backyard), so that’s what we did. We also ended up hosting the rehearsal dinner (taco truck and a bounce house!) at our home the night before the wedding. We both tend towards introversion, and I was pretty nervous about hosting our own wedding, but it ended up being really wonderful. Because it was at our home, I felt like we got away with a bunch of crazy non-wedding choices that might have looked out of place in other contexts. In terms of logistics, we paid for housekeepers the day before the wedding, and stocked up on lots of toilet paper, and it worked out just fine. We also just had our guests park on the street, which we were nervous about with 150 guests, but again, it was not a problem at all.

Food was also a huge priority for us. We hosted the reception at a restaurant near us. By having a morning wedding, we were able to use them during hours they would normally be closed. This worked very well—the food was incredible, and we didn’t have to pay any of the normal “extra” reception fees (no space rental, linens, etc.), just the tab. We got to create our dream menu that our guests loved (and we got a private chef tasting in the back of the restaurant while guests arrived and we got to be alone for thirty minutes). I highly, highly recommended the restaurant reception for logistical ease. Also, rather than wedding cake we had homemade ding dongs and boozy root beer floats, so, restaurant=awesome.

It was important to me that our families be honored, but that was tricky as my husband and I have pretty different relationships with our families. Because I wasn’t having anyone walk me down the aisle, I asked my dad to do an opening toast for the ceremony (we had donuts and champagne for folks to eat and drink at the wedding site). We chose not to have a bridal party, but instead asked all of our nieces and nephews to be our “yay parade” and walk down the aisle before us. I also had a sister-in-law gather wedding pictures from all of our married guests that we had on display—this served to both honor all the incredible marriages in our family, as well as acknowledge our guests whose marriages aren’t yet legally recognized. These things helped me feel like my family was being included, even if it wasn’t in any of the traditional ways.

While our wedding was different and original, it really wasn’t super DIY. I had two friends help with our invitations, I had a friend offer to make a piñata, but there were no late-night crafting sessions. Instead, my friends took all their wedding love/energy/help and threw me a series of amazing lady parties. This was one of the secrets of getting married that I didn’t know about—I felt loved and celebrated and (cheesy and true) showered in girlfriend love in the months before the wedding in a way that made my heart burst. This was big emotional help, something I found I needed and wanted more than help with crafts or “wedding projects.”

We did get a big discount on our amazing photographer (who is a dear friend of mine), and my auntie hosted a park brunch the morning after the wedding. We hired a day-of-coordinator who also managed to help us plan an eighty-person rehearsal dinner the week before our wedding, and who helped plan the day-after brunch. While she was incredibly helpful on the day of the wedding, she was also helpful in that she never batted an eye at any of our silly ideas. Continue reading How We Did It: Kathleen & Jon’s Backyard Wedding And Restaurant Reception In Atlanta

Posted in: How We Did It, Wedding Graduates | 35 Comments »

May 2013

How We Did It: Sophi & Travis’ Outdoor Potluck Wedding

* Sophi, Architectural Graduate (looking for work) & Travis, Marine Electrician’s Apprentice *

Guests:

Invited: 120 / Actually Attended: 100 guests (we were pretty casual with all the counting, of course, as we were casual with everything) but we borrowed approximately 100 chairs and they were mostly full, and there were some folks standing on the hill.

Planned Budget:

$1,000 (A gift from Travis’ mom when we got engaged.)

Actual Budget:

About $1,000—but I have no idea what was spent. So many things were crowd-sourced and donated to us that the hard numbers were never calculated!

Where we were married: My parents’ house on Peaks Island, Maine was the perfect venue for our laid-back, outdoor, garden wedding. The chairs and tables were borrowed from the local elementary school for free. My mom paid $50 for wide muslin at JoAnn Fabrics and we covered all the tables with it. Flowers were donated by my then-boss and arranged by my mom in vases and bowls that were leftover from a friend’s wedding the summer before. The rest of the “decorations” were photos that we had printed online and strung up around the garden. I think this cost us about $50, and the pictures were fun to look at as people milled about. The wedding was outdoors, which meant I was freaking out about not having a tent. I eventually decided that since the cheapest I could find was $1800, and that more than doubled our budget, I was going to risk it. We lucked out!

Where we allocated the most funds: The live band. It was so important to me that we have a band play at the wedding. Going to see live music has been something that Travis and I have always enjoyed together. Who doesn’t enjoy a good concert? So rather than spend any money on a DJ set up or renting speakers to play iPod music, we paid a friend of mine $400 to play music with a bunch of his buddies for three to four hours. (Not a super close friend or anything, just a local musician that I knew well enough to ask what he would charge.) They played in the grass, with a carpet for the drum set, and we told them they could drink our beer and eat our food. They seemed happy and they sounded great! My best friend plays viola, she offered to do our ceremony music for us, and she ended up jamming with the band for a bunch of tunes. Just the best money we ever spent! (Fun fact—I actually forgot to go to the ATM to get cash to pay the band, but luckily our wedding gifts and cards had enough cash in them to cover it!)

Where we allocated the least funds: Everything else. We bought some pretty paper invitations (with pressed roses in them) for $50. We then needed more invites, so I just printed them on fancy-ish cardstock paper. Our wonderful friend and fellow sailboat-enthusiast offered to do our wedding photography as a wedding gift as soon as he heard we were getting hitched. So awesome. My dress was $125 at a vintage shop, and I sold it for $125 a few months after the wedding on preownedweddingdresses.com. Travis’ tux rental cost us $200-ish at Men’s Wearhouse and his uncle paid for it. (We still paid for the best man’s tux so it evened out. We thought he would look so nice in it and knew he couldn’t afford to pay.) I debated buying new shoes and ultimately am glad I didn’t, since it was so hot out we all walked barefoot. I used my great-grandmother’s brooch as a necklace and one of my “bridesmaids” made hairpieces for everyone. I made my reception dress from $40 worth of fabric and a $3 pattern, and I love it and can still wear it all summer long. The flower girls wore matching dresses that their mother got them at TJ Maxx. They also had matching sweater capes, which were so super cute, but it was eighty degrees so they didn’t need them! Continue reading How We Did It: Sophi & Travis’ Outdoor Potluck Wedding

Posted in: How We Did It, Wedding Graduates | 26 Comments »

Jan 2013

Wedding Graduates: Laura & Tim’s Homegrown Backyard Wedding

Today’s wedding is, in a sense, about getting married young (and it gives me such a funny feeling about being thirty-two and remembering twenty-one, which seems like seconds ago). But really, Laura’s story is about being present in the moment, accepting ourselves for exactly who we are, turning off that voice that tells us that our wedding has to be like the other weddings and that we’ll never be good enough. Laura’s letter to herself back at the beginning of planning is the best advice we could ever hope for. Listen:

Dear Laura (the twenty-one-year-old college graduate, who has no idea how to plan a wedding):

First step: breathe. Second step: smile. Third step: Let your inner-child shine!

Tim, your boyfriend of four years, has just proposed and you are already set on the theme of your wedding. You want it to be homegrown, because that is what the two of you are, homegrown. Family is the most important thing, so you both choose your aunt’s house as the location. You were blessed to be able to fit into your mother’s fabulous 70s wedding dress. Food comes next, so you plan menus with your mom and dream up wonderful ideas involving farmers markets and family reunions. Then you go back to college for your last semester.

You’re sitting in your dorm room, looking at some Etsy page for customized wedding hangers (something you don’t want and you really don’t need), worrying about whether your wedding will be the “right kind” of wedding instead of finishing your sixty-page senior research paper. Don’t you remember, Laura? This is a paper you’ve wanted to write since you started college, and it’s here. So stop looking up how to make felt balls or what song is best for your bridal entrance and instead write that awesome paper, screw around with your friends, sleep in hammocks outside, and stay out all night having a blast and doing cartwheels on the lawns of your college with your fiancé. That is what matters most, that you always find true Joy in life.

But okay, I know, it took a while to learn that lesson. You graduate and come home with your fiancé to live with your parents while you plan your wedding. Now you are sleeping in your bed from eighth grade while your soon-to-be groom is sleeping on the futon couch in the office. In your eyes, you went from badass college graduate to “tween” bride-to-be in one week. You tried to plan the perfect wedding, but everywhere you looked, all the photos, blogs, websites, albums were about “women” getting married. Not twenty-one-year-old post-college chicks, but thirty-two-year-olds, with savvy jobs, awesome vacation spots, who are always photographed looking sexy and pulled-together while holding some cocktail that’s pink or orange and has a flirty name like “Between the Sheets.”

The problem was that you were stuck in a cycle you knew too well, where you kept comparing yourself to others and feeling nothing but guilt. You looked at other weddings and wondered if you measured up, if you were confident and capable of being a perfect “grown-up” bride. You saw the photographers, the chefs, the table settings, the whimsical decorations that look hand-done yet professional at the same time. You told yourself you had the skills to do everything DIY even though your last craft project resulted in a C- and a disappointed sigh from your teacher. You decide to go to an event rental place called “Chic” and felt small and awkward while standing in their showroom instead of feeling, well, chic. You didn’t know what was wrong and why you felt so unaccomplished, when you should have felt amazing.

Well guess what. I can tell you exactly what was wrong. You were feeling guilty about your age, your youthfulness, your child-like pizzazz. You looked to your peers who were also getting married that summer for support, and instead of seeing weddings like the one you wanted, you saw thirty-two-year-old-inspired weddings with three photographers, a castle location, and pashiminas for every guest. You panicked and felt unsuccessful in all your ideas and plans. You didn’t know what to do. Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Laura & Tim’s Homegrown Backyard Wedding

Posted in: Wedding Graduates | 38 Comments »

Dec 2012

Wedding Graduates: Anya & Csanad

This year has been one of great change for the APW staff. It’s funny, because the whole lot of us are notorious planners, and yet I think we’re always pleasantly surprised when what we’d planned for actually, you know, comes to fruition. Though really, when I think about it—doesn’t that sum up the very essence of marriage itself? You plan as much as you can, and then you let the universe (or what have you) pick up and do its magic, knowing that everything is a variable and the only constant you have is each other. If things turn out the way you planned, hooray! If not, the journey is the destination, right?

So this week, we’re digging deeper into the meaning behind the words, “No matter what the future holds,” and exploring the various ways that our marriages are tested by the wily nature of the universe. And what better way to start this particular week than with Anya and Csanad’s wedding that took place in the midst of Hurricane Sandy? The lessons learned here extend far beyond the difficulty of having to re-plan a wedding in four days, and in fact might even just be a perfect analogy for marriage itself.

—Maddie for Maternity Leave

I was taught, growing up, that all good adventures started with things going terribly wrong. Nothing worth telling a story about ever started with things being just fine. And things were fine in wedding planning land—uncannily so. Planning a wedding with my now-in-laws overseas and not speaking the same language? Fine. Not having a honeymoon and doing touristy stuff in cities I generally refuse to be a tourist in? Annoying, tiring, trying, but fine. Having to countenance how much money this was all going to cost? Shocking, but fine. And really, that was it for the turbulence. My wedding, which I was totally fine about, was on November 4, 2012. It was supposed to take place on the Jersey Shore.

I’m not a fatalist about storms, but I’m not stupid. Hurricane Sandy was coming on Tuesday, so we changed the in-laws’ Tuesday flight to Wednesday and found our flashlights. I watched the Weather Channel.

Work was cancelled on Monday. That night I finished up a collage of our families’ histories by the light of a police car that stood guard over a tangle of wires lying in the street. Blue and green flashes lit up the sky as power line after power line fell to the howling wind. The flares let me see the finer details of my work. By Tuesday morning, the roads around our house were a maze of oak and pine, our planned venue was flooded, and no communication worked except text message. We started to think that perhaps it was time to change our plans. By Wednesday night we had wrangled one of the ten flights of the day into Newark to deliver our family to us. We drove them to my parents’ cold and powerless house, and our families met by candlelight. The table was set as if for a Victorian drama. We pulled food from the frigid porch and heated the match-lit stove. By this time my mother and I were devoting every spare minute and text message to re-planning the wedding. The shore was, by all accounts, a wasteland of sand and broken buildings. There would be no wedding there for weeks, and we only had family in town for a short time.

My friends kept asking me how I was doing. Honestly, I wished they would just. Stop. Asking. There was no time for questions, or feelings, or anything, really. I have never been busier in my life than those days after Sandy. I had no time to worry. I had no time to be upset. Hangnails are worth getting upset about. The storm ripping apart easily laid wedding plans? That’s just something you plow through. That is how life gets done sometimes—just by the doing of it. Marriage is not a little thing. It is the thing of which our families’ stories are made. It needed doing till it was done. Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Anya & Csanad

Posted in: Wedding Graduates | 45 Comments »

Nov 2012

Wordless Wedding: Robin & Rob

* Robin, Elementary Special Education Teacher & Rob, Middle School Music Teacher/Photographer/Wedding Band Guitarist * Photographer: Hart & Sol East (APW Sponsor) * Soundtrack for reading: “Sifters” by Andrew Bird *

One sentence sum up of the wedding vibe: Our wedding was relaxed, fun, warm, and sweet.

Continue reading Wordless Wedding: Robin & Rob

Posted in: Wedding Graduates, Wordless Weddings | 14 Comments »

Jul 2012

Wedding Graduates: Andee & Collin

*Andee, Human Resources & Collin, Imprintable Sales*

On APW, we tell a lot of whatever the reverse of wedding horror stories is. And that’s for one simple reason: When I was getting married, the airwaves seemed to be full of wedding day disasters (that could have been averted if the couple just spent more money), and those stories were giving me nervous breakdowns. What I really needed to hear was that if I relaxed, things would probably be more or less fine. Not perfect, but fine. But that means we don’t always spend enough time discussing not totally loving your wedding. (Do you want to write about this? Send us a post!) So Andee’s story about her wedding not being the best wedding ever is just right. It’s a great story of coming to peace with yourself, but also a story of a wedding that clearly was the best wedding ever (for them). Let’s cheer-on her self-acceptance and compliment her outfit (holy sh*t that dress…).

“Everyone told me it was the best, most fun wedding they had been to”—I will never say those words. The fact is no one told me that our wedding was the best or most fun anything. I’ve heard people enjoyed the crab, but that’s about as far as the compliments go. And it took me a while to be totally fine with our wedding. I loved that our wedding ended with us being married, but I hated that other people didn’t love or even like our wedding. People left much earlier than I had hoped. It hurt my feelings. After the wedding was over I began to doubt all the decisions we had made about the wedding. We got married in my parents’ yard, with all homemade food and only thirty people (including us) in attendance. It wasn’t a shotgun wedding, it was more of a “the bride has mild social anxiety disorder and planning a big party isn’t her bag” wedding.

When we first got engaged I was giddy on the love and excitement and I willingly fooled myself into thinking I could do the 150-guest wedding with dancing and cake cutting and a big dress and all that jazz. When I imagined my wedding before I met Collin it was always at the courthouse. But this courthouse type of girl fell in love with a wedding type of guy. Collin was dead set against a courthouse wedding; his family has been through a great deal of loss in the past several years and they needed something to celebrate.

So I pushed forward through my doubts about my ability to do the wedding thing and continued planning. We rented a venue, booked a photographer and a DJ, sent the save-the-dates to 100+ people. And then came the great wedding meltdown of 2011. It involved lots of crying and grinding of teeth and loss of sleep—all because I was trying to fit my square self into a round wedding. It just wasn’t happening. I felt like a complete and utter failure because I hated and dreaded my own upcoming wedding.

Something was not right; inside I felt severely unbalanced. My family was extremely worried for my health and sanity. Then one day in the midst of planning melt down, Collin said we were forgetting it, forgetting the big wedding. He cared more about me than anything else, and he just wanted to marry me, and he preferred that I be sane when we did it. I burrowed into his neck and cried tears of relief mixed with tears of guilt for being unable to do what he wanted for his family. He assured me it would be OK. We called the vendors, lost our deposits and were free for the next couple of months. Continue reading Wedding Graduates: Andee & Collin

Posted in: Wedding Graduates | 82 Comments »