What It’s Like For Those of Us Who Don’t “Glow”

On acne, weddings, and beauty taboos

apw spruce

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If you look around wedding magazines, Pinterest, and the like, you’ll start to notice a common trait in all of the couples featured: perfect, glowing, skin. I mean, we’re talking totally smooth, never-had-a-break-out, straight up #flawless. I know that people who have never dealt with acne exist in the real world, but I’m not one of them. And I don’t think I’m alone. Which is why today we’ve partnered with Spruce Health to talk about what seems to one of the last taboos of the wedding industry’s beauty standard: bad skin. If you haven’t heard of them yet, Spruce is a new app that lets you consult and receive treatment from board-certified, practicing dermatologists via your phone for just $40 a session, even if you don’t have insurance, which means no inconvenient doctor’s appointment in the middle of your day. The doctors on Spruce cover a bunch of different skin conditions from eczema to excessive sweating to psoriasis, to name a few, and my personal nemesis: acne.

SO CLOSE AND YET SO FAR

In terms of the beauty, the wedding industry has come so, so far. These days, there are infinitely more plus size gown options (that you actually want to wear). If you’re looking for queer wedding ensembles, you don’t have to spend hours scouring the last dredges of the Internet to find them. Pinterest is basically exploding with photos of brides in glasses, shattering the idea that you can’t be a bride and, you know, be able to see. But if you look long enough, you might notice one glaring omission: brides always have perfect skin.

HAVING ACNE AS AN ADULT? THE WORST.

My first memory of acne is from when I was around eleven or twelve. I had a big zit on my forehead, and since no one around me told me what to do about it, I popped it. Then I put a big band-aid over it so I wouldn’t have to deal and went about my day. I remember this because about an hour later a woman I vaguely knew through my dad’s job asked me what happened. “Oh, nothing,” I answered, super casual about it, “it was just a big zit that I popped.” I remember her shocked and grossed out face, and I remember being ashamed and all of a sudden super aware of the fact that acne isn’t something we talk about.

I spent my teen years moaning about my skin but assuming it would clear up. In retrospect, I don’t know why I felt so confident: both of my parents still dealt with rogue blemishes from time to time. Then I got pregnant at twenty-four, and was introduced to an entirely new, monstrous beast: cystic acne. You see, in all the time I spent on forums reading about various symptoms I might or might not experience while pregnant, I had never come across those two words. I ended up spending most of my pregnancy dealing with the breakouts (and six years later I still have the scars on my jaw line to prove it) without the aid of medicine, when all the while strangers were stopping me on the street to comment on my “glow.” Ahem.

WHERE ARE WE ALL HIDING?

It’s really hard to talk about problematic skin in general. It’s hard when you’re a teen and you’re super self-conscious, because you’re all “OMG why does my skin hate me?!” and “Does everyone realize my skin is broken out?!” and “OMG THEY TOTALLY DO.” It’s even harder when you’re an adult, because you’re still self-conscious, except now there’s an expectation in place that you will hold it together. You still have to be presentable and level and grown-up. You have to get through work meetings or lead presentations or take your child on the bus without an adult asking if he’s your little brother (true example), and you have to do all of it with acne all over your face. As a long-term sufferer of acne (well into adulthood, as I’m thirty and it’s only just kind of, sort of slowing down), let me tell you: I get this.

Here’s the deal: acne is the most common skin condition in the United States—there are forty to fifty million people dealing with it every year. Let’s all pause and try to wrap our heads around that: forty to fifty million. The kicker, though, is that eighty-five percent of those people only deal with acne between ages twelve and twenty-four. And while luckily a lot of it is treatable, the idea of simply aging out of acne is still a pipe dream for some of us.

So why aren’t we supposed to acknowledge it?

DAMNED IF YOU DO, DAMNED IF YOU DON’T

I am one of the biggest advocates for believing that you should be true to who you are on your wedding day, on your own terms. I don’t believe that you should have to change any part of yourself to fit with some idealized vision of what it means to be a bride in order to get married. But the thing is, the thing nobody talks about, is that if you have problematic skin, it still stands that having a breakout on your jaw line, or a smattering of fresh zits across your nose sucks. In terms of solutions, half the world will tell you to try this or try that to improve your skin, remove this or that from your diet, or exercise more, or whatever (which never seems to work for me). And the other half is armed at the ready with a gallon of airbrush makeup, prepared to turn you into something out of Toddlers and Tiaras. Me? When I break out on the day of an important event, I always feel like I have two options: scour forum after forum for some quick fix that probably isn’t going to do anything (see also: toothpaste), or die inwardly and try to smile through it. Well, and now thanks to Spruce, a third.

But fixing my acne doesn’t fix the crux of the problem. Which is that you rarely see couples with acne in wedding photos, and people with acne aren’t supposed to talk about how much it sucks to have acne. How the hell is anyone supposed to figure anything out? So let’s change that. Are you freaking about your skin for your wedding? Have you figured out any tried and true techniques for keeping your breakouts under control? Are you being pressured to “think about the wedding pictures”? Because even if I’m comfortable in my own skin most days, I’m tired of pretending like this is easy.

Spruce is offering all APW readers their first visit free (even if you don’t have acne). download the app here or use the code APW2015 at checkout.

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This post was sponsored by Spruce. Spruce is a new app that gives you direct access to dermatologists for just $40 a session (even if you don’t have insurance). Just snap a selfie, and within twenty-four hours a board-certified dermatologist will create a personalized treatment plan for you (prescriptions are even sent digitally to your preferred pharmacy). The doctors on Spruce can treat any skin condition that’s diagnosable by photo, including: acne, bed bugs, cold sores, athlete’s foot, dry or itchy skin, eczema, excessive sweating, hives, psoriasis, ingrown hairs, rashes, rosacea, and skin discoloration, to name just a few. Spruce is currently only available in CA, FL, MI, NC, NJ, NY, OH, PA, RI, and VA, but they’re expanding daily. And for all APW readers, your first visit with Spruce free! Click here to download the app and make an appointment (or use the code APW2015 at checkout).

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