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Wedding Dropout Plans a Wedding: A Play

 This morning we talked about doing the hard work of calling off a wedding that’s not right for you. So I’m beyond thrilled to give you Sara of The Meanest Look, the first woman to ever write about calling off her wedding for APW. Earlier this year, she told you about how in one of the hardest periods of her life, you guys helped her heal. And then she fell in love with the right guy and got knocked up. And today, I’m over the moon happy to announce that Sara is back (with the best post ever) to announce that she’s… GETTING HITCHED. Yup. To the right guy this time! And I seriously could not be more proud about how Sara has healed herself, dealt with crazy surprises (A baby!), and grown to a glowingly happy place. (Did I mention that Sara is extensively quoted in the “Calling Off Your Wedding” sidebar in the APW book and signed the release form for me while in labor? She totally is. She totally did. Told you I was proud.)

Scene: A dimly lit stage. Woman takes center stage and looks straight at the audience.

Confession: my mom has been married 6 times. (She shakes head in both empathetic shame and disblief) Seriously.

I’m skittish about marriage because I’ve seen first-hand what a mountain of shit bad marriages can be.

That said, I do believe that good marriages exist and that I can be a part of one.

(Beat. She smiles.)

Mike and I got engaged! Yay! (A tenor of metafiction, specifically Poioumenon, becomes apparent as she recognizes being both the creation and part of a bigger production.)

Cue applause for me being an example that you shouldn’t marry boys or girls that aren’t right for you. Or don’t. Because really, I’m no example. Just one very lucky girl.

And now it’s time to plan a wedding.

(Beat.)

I’m actually beginning to think that Dylan Thomas’ “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night” is actually a villanelle written about wedding planning. (She scans the audience for laughter) When you compare death with the consumption that is wedding planning—well, um, hmph. I think I may need an attitude adjustment.

Mike and I already have a rock solid relationship. We’re a team and our baby family is unconquerable. Definitive statements I stand behind with a sword. So a party just seems like waste and fluff and time I don’t have right now. (She knows in her heart that this is only half true, who doesn’t love a party?)

I’ve recently discovered one major reason so many ladies try to have babies AFTER they get hitched: you lose motivation to plan a party when you’re making homemade baby food, working insane hours, cleaning the house (She stomps her feet while shouting: really, I have to Swiffer again! Where is this dust coming from?), forcing my baby to dress up like the Honey Badger,

maintaining friendships, still being a human and trying like hell to lose the last of this damned baby weight. (She violently shakes her flabby midsection to rouse laughter from the audience.)

And to be honest—and this is a secret you guys—(whispering) I sorta feel about weddings the same way I feel about theater. If I’m in the show, then holla! (She raises her hands joyously) let’s make it the best ever, but I’m not really interested in sitting through any show I’m not in.

Pretty sure I just guaranteed myself a spot in wedding blog and theater hell. That’s a thing, right?

Now that I’m in a relationship that I feel in my bones is unshakeable (she flexes her biceps and strikes an ironman pose), I have no compunction in delaying wedding planning. Maybe Meg will let me write a post again when Mike and I finally set a date. (She winks toward stage left*.)

*that’s where I assume Meg is

Photo by: From Sara’s personal collection

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