All my life, I’ve listened to people say things like ‘relationships are hard work’ and ‘marriage takes compromise’—and if you’re a millennial like me, you’ve probably also spent your formative years rolling your eyes at the always quoted statistic about half of all marriages ending in divorce. Perhaps this is part of why I spent nearly all of my twenties single. I had a relationship in my late teens and early twenties, and when that ended, I just sort of didn’t do relationships. I’d log into online dating apps, go on a few dates in a month (usually at least 70% horrifying), and then delete it all and resign myself to singledom. I was fine with it, really. I’d fully embraced my role as the single aunt who lived alone with her dog, and my daydreams were full of world travel and showing up for Thanksgiving dinner… maybe.
Then, without any warning, I stumbled upon the girl of my dreams. I’d known her for years as an acquaintance. We fell hard, fast, and deeply in love. Like, in an annoying sort of way, if you ask some of our friends. We used to laugh and say ‘we’ll never fight, what would we even fight about’—knowing full well we would indeed fight someday about something (probably lots of things). Fast forward a year. We live together (we rented a U-Haul), with my two dogs (she’s not a dog person), and her six-year-old son (I didn’t think I wanted kids), in the cutest neighborhood in California’s state capitol. You probably won’t believe this, but we do fight—well, at least we argue when we get frustrated and tired. Life hasn’t been gentle with us in our first two years of love. We’ve had family deaths and illnesses to face, a custody debacle, unemployment, and every version of adulting and money struggle that comes along with all that. Somehow we’ve survived it—and by somehow, I mean we have just completely avoided some tough stuff we can’t manage right now. I’m speaking, of course, of big relationship conversations. Like budgeting.
In Season One of Trisha and I, a lot happened, from moving in together, deciding if we should combine finances, me being unemployed and subsequently landing a gig at APW, and some seriously high anxiety life stuff—the website Yours, Mine & Ours (or, just Ours) showed up. The founders, Sonia, Tali, and Casey, are former divorce attorneys, and they wanted to help couples fix their problems when they were still fixable problems—before they became the kind of thing that you have to resolve in divorce court. And frankly, for all our talk about never fighting, that’s exactly what we need right now. (And probably what most couples need most of the time.) You can (and should) go right now to take their quiz and get a list of questions for your partner and relationship goals (not #relationshipgoals) tailored just for you.
The story (and the womxn) Behind Ours
These ladies spent years working as attorneys — Sonia and Casey were family law (divorce) attorneys and Tali was an attorney-for-judges, turned coder. When they first put their heads (and history, and skills) together, they developed Divorceify: a platform that helps create a guidebook for divorce, and a network of professionals to help folx through the debacle that is family court. As their business grew, they realized that a lot of their friends and people they talked to were looking for advice and guidance on how to avoid needing those divorce tools. (Because sometimes people just don’t want your services…) The questions people were asking were: “How do we combine finances?”, “Are we in a good place to have kids, financially?”, and maybe most frequently, “Why are so many people getting divorced, and how can we avoid it?”. Nobody falls in love, plans a wedding, and enters into a marriage with the hopes of it ending in divorce (see below for photos of the Ours founders at their own weddings). So Sonia, Tali, and Casey knew there needed to be a tool for all the couples who were reaching out for help.
That’s when Ours was born. Because according to research by Dana Adam Shapiro, only 17% of people report being happy in their marriages. And that is simply not enough. The womxn of Ours want to leverage what they’ve learned about relationships that end in divorce, to help couples achieve a different outcome.
What is Yours, Mine & Ours?
Ours is your roadmap for the big conversations in your partnership. You can pop over to their website right now and take a quiz (again, take the quiz, it’s rad) that will give you a list of important questions and topics to discuss with your partner. They are offering e-learning courses featuring expert advice and guidance for approaching stressful topics (think: money, in-laws, sexual satisfaction, and legal planning) in accessible ways. That’s not all. They have a nationwide network of vetted professionals that you can get connected to through Ours—lawyers, financial planners, therapists, and more.
Ours knows that partnerships and marriage look different today than they did thirty years ago. We are getting married, on average, five years later, around age 30—which means we have accumulated more assets and debts, and we are more accustomed to managing our own money. Womxn are three times more likely to earn as much (or more) than their male spouses today than they were thirty years ago. When we have children, we are more likely to have two working parents, rather than one stay-at-home parent. Ours knows that sometimes just opening complicated conversations in our partnerships can feel like walking into an emotional land mine. The old ways of handling the “work” of relationships won’t work anymore. Ours is doing it differently by giving education, advice, and action plans to create strong equal and healthy partnerships—they’re creating power couples.
First Up, The Money Talk
Ours believes that the conversations that have always felt stressful for couples are the most important ones to have. Ours wants to normalize and reinvent these conversations to make the “hard work” of a relationship feel approachable (and heck, even fun!). Their focus, to start, is courses and content for couples taking their relationship to the next step—moving in together (hi, me!) and/or getting married (me, someday). First up, Ours is going to handle (drumroll, please) the money talk. As the platform grows, they will cover many other key topics like managing in-laws, dividing household tasks, and keeping the romance alive, as well as topics specific to growing families.
People say that relationships are hard work. But in all my years of schooling, but no one has ever shown me how to be successful in a relationship, or taught me the steps it takes to create a lasting romantic foundation. Ours courses break down the steps and tackle the to-dos of tasks like banking together, budgeting together, and long term financial goal setting. Then they’ll connect you to legal, financial, and therapeutic professionals for personalized advice and tailored action plans. (C’mon—we all need this.)
Let’s be honest—who loves having big, hard conversations? Not me, I am the queen of ignoring that stuff and letting it pile up. But no more—that was the old me. The new me, with the Ours approach to the “we need to talk” moment, will be having a beer and budgeting date with my partner this weekend. That’s the Ours way — make the big task fun and rewarding. I mean, why not?
How to get Ours for you and yours
Start with the diagnostic quiz. You’ll get a free list of questions and topics that you and your person can tackle tonight over a bowl of ice cream, based on your priorities. I just took the quiz, and I got a beautiful page that I’m printing as we speak — because after the six-year-old goes to bed tonight, we’re going to chat over these questions and set some goals. Then, make sure you’re on their email list, so you know all their new courses launch.
Come December, they’re launching a pre-sale of their first courses—y’all, these are going to be amazing. First up will be: ‘How Power Couples Bank Together’ and ‘How Power Couple’s Budget Together’. You can get each for $99 (that’s 34% off the normal price of $149), or both for $149 (that’s a real buy-one-get-one deal). Hurry over to their site and get on their email list today, so you’ll know when the official launch happens.
I mean, what do you have to lose? The awkwardness of the conversations you’ve been meaning to have, the anxiety of not opening that bank statement, the confusion that comes with combining finances? That’s what I plan to lose.
This post was sponsored by Yours, Mine & Ours, where power couples are born. A platform of education, action plans, and professional advice for modern couples. Ours will help you identify what’s important in your relationship, provide you with custom advice, and then turn that advice into action for. First comes love, then comes real life, then comes Ours. With the help of Ours, you can tackle the tough stuff, and keep the love alive. Be your own #relationshipgoals.