Trisha and I are newbies at our relationship. I mean, yes, we’ve got stuff going for us. We’re in our thirties, we’re women (so we talk more openly than a lot of hetero couples I’ve witnessed), and she’s been married before. But the two of us, our money, living together—that part still feels totally and completely new.
Just last week, we went to Costco to stock up on All The Things. You know the deal: walk in with a list, walk out with ten extra items and a $400 bill. Oh, just us? Oops. When we got to the checkout stand (no sooner), I turned to her and said “Ummm… babe, payday is tomorrow. Can you foot the bill this time? I’ll send you money tomorrow.” Luckily, she could, she did, and we were fine. I don’t think this is (ahem) a good plan, however. We have work to do.
By now, you have certainly heard us raving about Ours—it’s the fresh-on-the-scene platform for partners and relationships. It’s guidance, advice, and action plans for modern couples, and ya’ll: the ladies of Ours are just so smart. Who wouldn’t want to take advice from a divorce attorney about how the heck to… ya know… avoid a divorce? Ours knows that finances and money are one of the biggest stressors on relationships, so the Ours education and action plans are going big and diving into the deep end first. (If you haven’t popped over to their site to take their totally free quiz, you really really should. Like, go now.).
And since we have divorce lawyers with tons of relationship professionals at our beck and call, I all but begged the ladies of Ours to do an open thread here on APW about finances and relationships (though if you have other relationship questions, feel free to throw them in) so that you all could ask every single burning question you have. And they said yes!
So put those questions in the comments (you can do it anonymously if you want), and in a few weeks, we’ll be right back here with answers from the experts. (If you really don’t want to post your question in the comments, email it to team at apracticalwedding dot com with the subject: “Burning Question.”) While the team at Ours is focused mostly on money matters for their launch, they said they may even answer a few non-money relationship questions. Don’t hold back—ask the thing you’re afraid to ask. This is your open thread.
If I were asking (and I am), I’d ask:
How do we combine finances without feeling like I’m just making all my debt and past mistakes into her problem?
Once we combine bank accounts and finances, can I still surprise her? How?
If (when) we get married, do our credit scores just become one? Or will mine somehow mess up how careful she’s been?
When should we start having joint credit cards or things that build our credit together?
How do I stop feeling ashamed of my money situation? (She’s so kind and patient, but it still feels like it should be my dirty secret.)
Your turn… What pressing questions do you have about relationships and finances that you’d like a pro to answer? ask away!
This is part of our series and partnership with Yours, Mine & Ours, where power couples are born. A platform of education, action plans, and professional advice for modern couples. Ours will help you identify what’s important in your relationship, provide you with custom advice, and then turn that advice into action for. First comes love, then comes real life, then comes Ours. With the help of Ours, you can tackle the tough stuff, and keep the love alive. Be your own #relationshipgoals.
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